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Six Of The Best For Not Checking eMails

So. You send me a message via my contact form, I respond then I hear nothing back.

You have either NOT checked your email for my response and possibly not looked in your spam folder.

OR you have ignored my response.

Either way, HANDS UP!

Side hand astrapping

For those naughty people who need to learn a lesson, a hand strapping is an ideal education aid. It only takes seconds to a minute then the effects are felt for hours and hours when done properly.

Here the recipient will feel the strap quite nicely on the junction of the fingers and palm, and then subsequent strokes can reinforce the delightful sting or find new areas to color up.

Let us hope the lesson is well learned.

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Being At Home In The Dungeon

Have you Ever Been in a BDSM Dungeon?

When you walk into a BDSM dungeon, there is no doubt where you are and what this space is meant for.

BDSM Dungeon

You look at the bench with its straps designed to hold the victiom down. Then you see all the gear on the walls; the collars, the gags, hoods, whips, straps and canes waiting to be used. Then you look at and wonder about all the other more exotic things that are waiting for you.

You will be the victim. How do you feel?

My First Time

Many years ago, the first time I walked into a BDSM dungeon I felt like I’d come home and all my stresses, cares and worries had evaporated.

It was most peculiar as it seemed to go against any kind of logic. There I was a total newbie in a room with whips, canes, chains, a St Andrews Cross and of course a dominatrix wanting to know what my kink was and how I found her contact details. I was in my first ever BDSM dungeon and I was there for corporal punishment and bondage.

Yes it felt strange to me, and yes I felt like I had come home to where I really wanted to be,

As the years passed I have been to 10 different BDSM dungeons and the same feelings happen every time. Each time I feel a weight lifted when I walk into the dungeon. I know I will be given heavy corporal punishment and I relish my time in the dungeon. I still feel like I have come home and I belong there.

My Needs Exceed Logical Thought

Logic for me says I should not be there. Why on earth would I want to submit myself to the kind of experience that the BDSM dungeon promises? Why would I want to be strapped, tawsed, belted and caned till I bleed?

Logic says that makes no sense.

People call this masochism, the desire to be hurt yet I don’t feel that fits at all well. The experience changes me, moves me into a different space and fundamentally affects me at some deep level. Maybe then that is a better definition of masochism?

The answer is simple. Deep inside me there is a need for this. It festers and grows till I give in then find myself in the dungeon once more. Then I feel better.

The Simple Answer Is Too Simple

Again. The super simple answer is that I’m a masochist and get off on the pain. I am welcoming the coming pain.

I really struggle to accept that as the answer. However if it makes you happy, done, that’s the answer.

For me the BDSM dungeon and bondage and corporal experience is all about fetish, slaking an inner need (that masochsm I guess) and the need to submit and experience something so profoundly cathartic.

The Real Answer

The real answer as to why I have that coming home feeling is, after a lot of thought and false leads is equally simple.

When I go into the dungeon, I am accepting my needs and doing something positive about it.

The fact of the corporal punishment and the bondage make absolutely no difference, and the lack of logic in it is a total false feeling. It is my logical self querying my inner need and not properly accepting my need.

I think now, looking back, that my first ever BDSM session in a dungeon was a life changing event. It was a time when I understood that the inner need could be slaked, and that it was something I could do and feel relief from. I still do.

I still relish that time in the dungeon.

I still feel like I’ve come home.

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A Need To Be Punished By A Real Mistress

Thank you to those saying they need to be punished by a real mistress and selecting me as their mistress. Regrettably I cannot oblige, but hopefully I may offer some insight and solace.

I do know how you feel first hand and also from other perspectives.

It Is A Long Journey

For me the journey was long and arduous. If you are struggling, I understand.

In my early teens I came to understand I had a kink, a big one, then over the years and decades this morphed and grew. The problem was that I could never admit it to anyone, and all those years ago it was so poorly understood.

But with the growth of my kink also came the internal silent quivers, the secret passions that brought depression and destabilized me.

Some decades later it got to the stage where my needs were making me struggle in my life. I then decided to talk to a therapist who assured me that “this would not make me a lesser person or take away all the good things about me.” And she was quite correct.

The most strange thing I have ever been told was “I don’t understand why you don’t do it if it makes you happy.” This was going against my conservative upbringing and she was telling me it was OK to have a BDSM session. I was amazed.

She was right of course. Now and after over fifteen years of deeply indulging in my kink, I find I am still the same old caring sharing loving and hopefully wonderful person I always was.

In some ways I am better. I have lost that angst of not taking the first step to accepting that I need bondage and discipline and that I needed to accept my kink.

Acceptance was so hard to gain.

If You Need Discipline What Do You Do?

Just to be clear, we are talking about corporal punishment, physical punishment.

How you go about this depends on quite a few factors.

Do you know what your needs actually are? Are there other fetishes involved as well, and do you fixate on some parts of it? How much pain do you want or can you tolerate and of course what you get out of it all. Is it enough to be disciplined or is sexual relief required?

There are different types of discipline (corporal punishment). For example the implement used, the setting, the type of person administering the discipline all make a huge difference.

Discipline can come with a raft of other things.As above, is there a favorite implement? What about how it is done? Is over the knee speaking your thing, or caning, whipping, flogging, strapping and what about kneeling with your hands up for the mistress to give you a hand tawsing? Do you feel you need to atone? Have you been bad? Do you need to be humiliated? Do you need to be pushed to the limit then taken a little further (extended) – and so the list goes on. Discipline is a huge subject and totally about your needs.

I know my needs changed over time. As I experienced more, I wanted more and sometimes different experiences.

However, the first time I was pretty much clueless so I engaged the services of a professional dominatrix in a professional dungeon which was the best thing I ever did. I really was clueless when I went into it then the mistress with her years of experience and skill introduced me to bondage, discipline and other things that I identified with extremely well.

Unfortunately that comes at a cost, but it was a cost well spent for me. In hindsight, I would not have changed that first session and would happily relive it over again.

For you? I can’t tell you – but you do have some choices. Now there are singles BDSM and kink based sites where you might meet someone who shares your passions. There are clubs and similar also where you can go to meet like minded people.

And of course there are the professionals. I have known 20 and I have great respect for them. They are the BDSM mistresses, the domme, the dominatrix who is available in most cities to cater for your needs.

If you really are like me that first time and wondering what it is all about, but knowing you have needs, then choose carefully.

The 3 Hardest Things

If I had to give some advice on what the major stumbling blocks are and how to go about getting the kink you want – here goes.

Be At Peace With Yourself

For decades this was the most difficult thing for me because of my upbringing and hence self perceived need to keep all this internal.

Until you can accept and be at peace, it will fester and your inner tensions will grow. This happened to me. My inner tension grew until I felt like exploding.

I could not progress till I accepted that I needed a session, till I could uynderstsnd that it would help me.

That was my first step.

Part of this is being able and knowing when to do something about your need. I know if I go too long then my mental state suffers. Then I do something about it – and I am at peace again.

Sometimes when the need is raging in me, just ringing up and making an appointment for a BDSM session makes me feel so much better.

Communicate – Be Open And Honest.

In your quest to fulfil your need you will eventually meet someone who wants to know what you want. Unless you can tell them properly, openly, tell them honestly what it is, you won’t get it.

In my experience I have never yet met a mind reader anywhere, not just in kink. You must lay it all out out.

I get it. You may feel ashamed, secretive, totally unable to describe what you want because it is embarrassing or whatever. However you do it, you must get past this. Try writing it down. Try making a list of the things you want and also the things you don’t want (that can be just as important).

For me I find this difficult as I had decades of keeping my special needs secret. Now, as time has passed it is a lot easier and in these more enlightened times, it is even easier again.

Accept That Your Kink Does Not Make You A Bad Person.

Really. If you have a particular kink and especially if it is in the BDSM arena it means… you like that kink and nothing more. You are not a bad person just from this. No way.

It is almost like saying you are a bad person because you scuba dive or mountain climb (both of which scare me slightly).

Do Something About It

I waited far too long before I did something about my special kink needs. For decades it lingered, festered, and destabilized me.

My first step was to talk to a therapist about it, and I felt amazingly better for it. It was the first time I’d told anyone in my life and it had a cathartic healing quality to it.

Then I had my first ever BDSM session. I remember when the session was over that I’d wished it was longer and I felt amazingly at peace.

Thinking back to those so many years ago, as I write now, I can still remember the amazing release from tension I had. It was like for the first time I’d somehow totally relaxed and let go the last tensions in my mind and body.

I wish you well in your journey.

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‘H’ Hand Strapped By His Wife eMail

I received a fine email today from “H” outlining the discipline that his Wonderful Wife applies through hand strapping.

Here I will share my answer to all those others in a similar position, and to those who may be considering following this commendable lead.

"H" you are lucky to have a Wonderful Wife

First and foremost you are truly lucky to have such a caring and Wonderful Wife who is able to provide for your needs and to help you through life so thoughtfully and effectively.

As you said, when you need punishment for such awful behaviour as shouting, being angry and all the other situations, then yes, She is both a wonderful Wife and you do need the punishment She provides.

Not only that, from the tone of your email, it is clerar that She cares for your mental health through Her discipline so that those ‘black dog days’ when it all gets too much are banished by the leather.

Kudos and respect to your Wonderful Wife.

I Do Have Some Concerns

“H” you mentioned how you sometimes are strapped above the palm and I am sure your Caring and Wonderful Wife knows best. Far be it for me to criticise.

However, the wrists are delicate places and due caution must be observed.

Likewise, the hands do have many small bones such that the choice of implements and severity of use must take into consideration.

Another real concern I have is that your Wonderful Wife clearly cares for your special needs, your mental health, and keeps you balanced and on the right path. But, as I will outline below, I do hope you are properly thankful and provide for the needs of your Wonderful Wife.

I wonder, as a follow up, would you care to more fully describe the strap your Wonderful Wife uses, how many strokes She administers and a little more detail on the sessions? I will only publish should you and She allow.

Your Hand Strappings

Thank you for sharing your hand strapping scenarios.

Standing in front of your punisher as you watch the implement being used on your open palm is always an experience that brings the sometimes unwilling recipient down to earth. It focuses the mind on the present and it ensures that the punishment, that the discipline, sinks in properly.

As the palms redden, as the sting increases and then eventually when they shake from the strapping, it all serves to help one know one’s place in life and to clear the slate, to start again.

There is so much I could say about this form of discipline, and it is the subject of a more major work that has been in preparation for some months now. However it truly is effective and for so many reasons. I am glad it has had the beneficial effects for you that you describe.

Kudos and respect for your Wonderful Wife.

May I Make Some Suggestions?

I hesitate to offer suggestions as it is clear your Wonderful Wife cares for your needs and is obvously in tune with them.

However there are a few little options I have used that She may wish to investigate to give variety to the experience as She sees fit.

Add That Little Extra Sting. When delivering a fine hand strapping or tawsing, the implement is lifted over a shoulder then brought down along the length of the palm and fingers. Usually.

And doesn’t it work so well! The crisp crack of leather on palm, then the face that shows the effect makes this a uniquely suitable and effective punishment for naughty boys and girls hands.

A seldom known technique that can enhance the effect is, after raising the implement over the shoulder, is to reach around and behind the back with the other hand then grip the hanging down tails of the implement firmly.

Then, as the recipient watches with an increasing sense of dread, the implement is placed under tension with both hands gripping firmly as the implement is pulled. At the right moment the tail is released so that the implement fairly flashes down with increased speed.

All this leads to a rather interesting visual effect, and also an increase in severity. The visual effect can be for your Wonderful Wife to show by her extra effort that she cares and to highlight her femininity as she places the implement under tension.

For your punishment days, when you have been truly awful to your Wife, perhaps She might like to trial this technique at Her leisure.

Standing Vs Kneeling. In my experience when giving and receiving a hand strapping, the effect of kneeling is to make the recipient truly more know their place. To kneel, to hold the hand up at eye height then look at the strap laying on the palm in preparation for the next stroke enhances the experience.

As you look over the top of the strap at your Wonderful Wife with Her arm extended, you know She cares.

Likewise the effect is highlighted when the strap is raised over a shoulder. To kneel and watch, as the leather is poised for a moment high and ready, pushes the whole experience deeper.

For you, you would be looking UP at your Wonderful Wife. She cares enough to give you discipline so you would be also saying that you accept it properly.

Collaring Enhances Hand Strapping. It certainly does but one must be super careful it is not done tightly and without care. The feeling of a leather collar or a loosely wound belt (always un buckled for safety) around the neck as the hands are raised for the strap helps the punishment sink in.

“H” when your Wife straps you, if She has collared you, you will know your place. She will be in control and it will be for Her to use the strap as She sees fit.

Perhaps being naked would help. To be naked and kneeling, watching the strap being used leaves no dount in one’s mind what is happening. It helps focus the mind and it ensures you know your place.

Perhaps also, should you become ‘excited’ as you are being punished for a gross rudeness then your Wife will know She needs to apply more punishment. She will be able to see the effect without hearing your gasps and She will know when Her strapping has had the desired effect.

Your Mention Strap, Not Tawse. Yes, the strap when used well most certainly does redden a palm and does bring a sting that is deep down and mind consuming. A nice peice of stiff harness leather does make a wonderful strap and I have more than a few that prove this.

Likewise the end of a belt also, when it is nice leather one about an inch and a half wide and solid can also produce a wonderfully beneficial sting. I am sure your Wife has Her favourites and I am sure She has Her reasons.

But perhaps your Wife may like to try the therapeutic qualities of a fine “XH” (for extra heavy) leather tawse. It would in fact be a fine present for your Wife, and the many stores on the internet will fill your need. Christmas is coming you know so here may be an ideal and most practical present for Her.

Of note is the London Tanners tawse, a most wonderful implement I commend to your Wife. Mine is a 3 tail version which has never failed to bring the kinds of gasps that a well tawsed hand gives.

For those special days when your behaviour has been particularly poor, your Wife may like, at Her pleasure, to apply a quick six of the vey best to each hand. I am quite sure, and depending on the strap She uses, that a fine heavy leather tawse will enhance and drive home the experience quite nicely.

The tawse being quite severe also lends itself to a quick yet very effective punishment. For example if you are rude and impatient when She is getting ready, She may elect to give you a quick six of the very best to each hand. It only takes a minute and the benefit lasts hours. This may also be most beneficial if you are going out with friends, or a work turn, or shopping and your Wife wants to ensure your best behaviour. She may just to make sure, tell you to fetch the tawse then give you a quick double sixer as you kneel, before you leave the house. That way you can remember just how well you should behave as you feel your throbbing palms.

Alternatively, on those black-dog days when you are needing to feed your fetish your Wonderful Wife may elect to give you nice slow warm up with her strap, nice and slow. Each stroke will be given hard with plenty of time to feel the effect and to watch your Wife with Her strap. You can savour the effect, you can bask in the glow of love as your Wonderful Wife disciplines you and sees to your mental health as She brings your hands to a fine warmth with a pink sheen. Then when She chooses She may elect to use Her tawse to finish you off nicely and leave the lasting impression you need.

Sometimes More Is Required. Oh, don’t I know it. To have the hands thoroughly strapped and tawsed is a truly cathartic experience, but, well, it is limited to the hands.

Perhaps and at Her choice, She may wish you to drop your hands, drop your pants to bare then bend over the bed for some bare bottom discipline. Having a tush that is well striped from Her strap, from Her tawse and perhaps even Her favourite belt will help you in your journey. I have found this an ideal addition. It shuld not be ruled out and perhaps your Wife may or may not at Her leisure.

Perhaps you may overstep the mark too far for a mere hand strapping to suffice. Then the bottom takes its share of responsibility for your discipline.

Sometimes it may help for your Wonderful Wife to wear her belt when she knows you need it. She may tap it, run a hand over it and with an eyebrow say ‘This is for you’ and then later, use it.

But when even more is required, may I also suggest that a suitable prison strap such as this fine London Tanners example can also work rather well on the bottom and even the tops of the thighs for the full experience.

I have a very similar prison strap and know the healing effects, and should your Wife so choose, I am sure you will feel those same benefits. You will not be disappointed.

After Time And Reflection. I wonder if after your discipline and punishment sessions, if your Wonderful Wife ensures you have proper reflection time?

Now, I know that sometimes after punishment there is a temptation for those hands to indulge in a pleasure that is perhaps not shared with your Wonderful Wife. That wuld be a pity.

Perhaps She in Her Wisdom may permit it, but may I offer a suggestion?

Perhaps your Wife may like to leave you alone after your punishment to feel the full effects and gain the most benefit from it, particularly if the tawse and prison strap have found full and proper use.

Now, we both know this time can lead to other things so my suggestion is that your Wonderful Wife leaves you in a way that She controls your actions. I am of course talking about leaving you in bondage. She may use some of Her leather belts to bind your aching hands behind your back so they cannot get into mischief. She may also tie your ankles together so you are restrianed and left to reflect on your discipline.

If She is feeling particularly peeved, She may even elect to loop a belt through the wrist and ankle belts to totally immobilize you in a hogtie. I have found this most effective, but it can lead to cramps after a time so I am sure your Winderful Wife will take due care.

Perhaps also, if this were in a darkened room the whole effect might be highly beneficial as then you would only have your Wonderful Wife and your recent punishment to think of.

I also know from experience that the promise of another severe hand tawsing, or prison strapping and preferably both when She returns will add to the whole experience quite nicely.

There is nothing like being in bondage with stinging palms and a red raw bottom from the prison strap as you look at those implements laying there next to you and waiting to be used again. You know how they feel as your palms burn and your bottom and thighs sting. And you wonder how many more you will receive. If you have been horrible to your Wife, you know they will be used hard.

As you lay in bondage you will think about them as you listen for the sounds of your Wonderful Wife to return to give you seconds. Or thirds, as there is nothing to stop Her from repeating this more than once.

Perhaps you may hear your Wife walking in her heels. Is She coming to give another strapping? Then She doesn’t because She is doing what She wants. You may hear Her on the phone, or the doorbell, or the neighbours talking. And you cannot do anything about it. Then later, later when you have accepted your fate and properly understand your place, She returns then you are disciplined properly.

I Do Hope you Thank Her Properly. After your Wife has taken the time to provide what you need, how do you thank her?

Do you provide perhaps the kind of personal service She likes as after all, She had taken care of your needs? I do hope so. It would be rather selfish of you if you had not.

“H” I profess to feel a little concerned that your letter was all about your needs, but what about your Wonderful Wife?

You profess to love her all the more for taking the time to apply the discipline you need, but sometimes actions speak louder than words.

Taking Her Time And Bringing It All Together. I doubt your Wonderful Wife needs instruction as She is quite clearly in tune with your needs.

I know from experience that discipline and punishment are complex issues. It does sound to me like your Wonderful Wife has you well in hand.

Perhaps She may choose to enhance your sessions by adding some of the above ideas – though I am sure She may already be aware of them.

I do admire your Wonderful Wife and wish Her and you all the best.

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Hand Strapping And Tawsing update

With over 7,000 words of hand strapping and tawsing text in the pipeline, and more discussions with contacts, the next major post on this topic is coming (slowly).

HOLD OUT YOUR HANDS!

You stand then slowly extend your hands. You face your punisher, the mistress, as she raises the tawse over her shoulder. You know how painful this will be, yet you have come back time and again for this.

Why is this a ‘thing’?

Why do you return?

Ms Tawse

The Story Of a Lifetime

Hand strapping and tawsing has been with me for all my life from adolescence till now. And that is a lot of decades.

Also I am not alone. Far from it. I have regular pro-dom BDSM sessions and every mistress I have visited, over 20, have all done hand strapping and tawsing and not been either surprised or unacquainted with this kind of punishment.

There is nothing quite so subservient or challenging to be kneeling, naked, in front of the mistress as she raises a heavyleather strap over her shoulder.

Regressing : Hand Strapping And Tawsing

many tawse

Regressing to the school years, seeing the tawse or strap over a shoulder and ready for use tugs at the inner needs for corporal punishment.

Standing then getting the strap, ‘the cuts’ brings it all back.

Then a good hard six of the best of the tawse stings like nothing else. That is until the next six arrive, then the six after that.

Stay Tuned

A complete re-write of the next post on this most poorly understood yet strangely appealing topic is happening.

 

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The Bliss Of Bondage

In my early teens I started experimenting with self bondage and leather straps. It was something I did intuitively and without prompting or any form of information available to me at the time. All I knew was that I enjoyed it a lot.  Over time this became part of my BDSM sessions and embraces my wide belt fetish.

Of Bondage And Bliss

I find it blissful being in bondage. There is something about it that transcends normal consciousness. And more. Read on!

Bondage and discipline are easy to misunderstand and even easier to not have a clue as to where the appeal is. I know it and many times I have wondered at this myself. But at the end of the day and for those so inclined we only do it because it feels good in some way.

A definition of bondage I saw is;

‘The act of tying parts of a person to get or give sexual satisfaction’

Well, that’s pretty accurate and equally superficial and short sighted. It doesn’t help understand the experience from other perspectives nor understand the drive that makes it call out to some people. It also heavily sexualizes it which I can promise from personal experience, is only part of the picture, part of the allure.

I’ll be equally unhelpful in saying;

‘the desire for bondage is something that is within a person, it appeals, it calls, it fills a need and it satisfies’

And that criticism is from my own five decades of personal experience. But again that just sits on the surface and is quite frankly, pretty darned obvious. We wouldn’t do it unless we enjoyed it, or, and there is a significant distinction here, unless we need it.

Bondage Comes In Many Forms

Bondage of feet

It can happen at home or other places and may use any number of methods; rope, chain, handcuffs, leather, plastic wrap, rubber etc. The central point being that it is designed to restrict and to force the recipient to submit, to be immobile and to take what is given.

What Is Bondage In BDSM?

First and most importantly, it is done between willing participants and in a safe and sane environment. That is rule number one.

Bondage in BDSM is the act of being tied up, tying up someone else, or tying up yourself in which case it is called self-bondage. The whole idea is to immobilize, to restrict movement, to deny the ability to move in some way. That is what is done and pretty much fits in with most definitions.

Perhaps that is the least of it. Far more importasnt are other aspects. The tying up is just the ‘transport’ to the experience, the enabler.

The why of it is more difficult to explain. I find it deeply moving, deeply satisfying and a profoundly satisfying personal experience when done the way I like it. Others may hate it, finding the constriction impossible to bear and the whole concept either demeaning or intensely scary. For the bondage enthusiast it is none of that, it is deeply enjoyed.

It can deeply affect a person. Restricting their liberty at the superficial level changes perspectives and world views that we are born and grown up with. Suddenly that all changes. Bondage shifts your viewpoint, shifts your world perceptions and sense of place. You are no longer in control.

If you are a control freak type person or dominant in normal and everyday life then being in heavy bondage challenges that significantly at a level that challenges you in every way. All of a sudden you are not in control, not the person dictating terms. All of a sudden you are the victim and must endure the situation you are not in control of. That can be of course massively challenging, or it can be extremely cathartic that in relinquishing control you are relieving stress.

For others who are submissive, it pulls them further into their submission. They quietly accept it, testing their bonds, moving gently against them to feel the limits of their movement and relish in the control by someone else. If they have a strong fetish and that is used in bondage then the experience is even better. It reinforces the whole submission experience and leads them to the endorphin rich sub-space experience.

Bondage works so well with fetish and can equally be a fetish. In particular, rubber, handcuffs, leather, rope, chain can all be incorporated with bondage. If these are part of a fetish, it all works really well together.

The setting matters. This of course works at the level of fetish and sex-play. This starts the experience and just makes it stronger. In BDSM dungeons there is usually specialized equipment for bondage as well. Examples are a vacuum bed, a bondage bench that is fitted with many straps to hold a victim down.

Common also is the St Andrews Cross, found in most dungeons. This is a large wooden cross a victim can be tied to using rope or straps etc. Also common are suspension winches. These use a steel cable to lift the victim up, usually after being restrained to the end of a cable looped through a pulley on the ceiling then down to a metal bar. This lifts the victim onto their feet and even off the floor for the master or mistress to do as they want.

In the first dungeon I went into there was a stretching bench. This was basically a medieval rack featuring a lot of black leather. The victim would be strapped down then the wrists and ankles would be pulled in opposite directions to stretch the victim out. I never tried it but I can imagine the effect.

Also in the first dungeon I was in there was a “spine” also known as a “fish-bone harness” which is made up of a leather strap that runs from the neck to the ankles. Affixed to that are about a dozen more wide leather straps that circle the body. For the belt fetishist, the leather fetishist, the bondage from that is particularly good. All those straps circling the body really do have an effect. Over the years, this has sadly proven to be an uncommon device.

Bondage And Fetish Work Together

Self bondage with timed release locks, leather cuffs and other means feed a fetish so well. To escape the real world and immerse yourself into fetish driven bondage is prodfoundly satisfying.

Bondage with willing play partners can add a level of escape and eroticism that is hard to beat.

Locked Bondage Cuffe

What Does Bondage Really Do?

There are a few answers to this. The simple is pretty obvious in that it feels good and relaxing and maybe arousing. But past that, the effects are maybe not so obvious.

It works at many levels. Simply put, bondage makes the victim available, to submit, to become passive and unable to change what is about to happen. This has profound and multiple affects on a person getting deep into their psyche. It changes the way we see the world. It breaks all our conditioning. It forces on us a different world view.

But above all else, it feels good.

Again that is obvious but it misses the real point which is so obvious; bondage releases the victim from control. The victim can only be in bondage and accept what is done and suddenly, especially if gagged and collared, bondage shifts perceptions and is a vastly different experience from real life.

What is often misses is the way bondage is done. This can significantly enhance the experience, feeding fetishes and the needs for submission and or domination. These are all very internal, very person specific, but they are also very real. These are the inner reasons.

For an ‘alpha’ type person in bondage this can be huge. All of a sudden the ability to control is gone, all of a sudden their whole way of life it tipped on its head and they must submit. That submission can get deep inside, deeply affect, and bring about a cathartic release like nothing else.

To be in tight bondage, gagged, collared and unable to move can be punishing. It can hurt after a while with cramps and from being so constricted. All the time you squirm against the restraints but you can’t change the outcome – you are bound to stay, until released.

You submit. You become submissive.

Then when it’s over you feel refreshed and relaxed and happy. Then some time later you need it again because you remember that release, that lifting of tension. At least that is what I

There Are So Many Options

Wrist Bondage

For me it started with tying up my wrists with leather luggage straps. Then I added more to my ankles. Then over the years more was added.

What you do and how you do it is all up to you. Some people like rope, chain, handcuffs etc.

You can do as little or as much as you want of course.

Meditation And Yoga Similarities

I have never done yoga, but I have done meditation over the years.

For me, with a guided meditation session in a group, I found myself almost limp with the deep after effects of just letting go and submerging my personality.

After a good session of bondage I find strong similarities and the words ‘just letting go’ apply equally. I find myself vastly more relaxed and at peace with the world. As I lay in bondage my perceptions change and shrink. There is only the here and now and as I feel the bondage, feeling the leather straps and feel how I am restrained I just regress.

So for me there is a strong similarity to meditation. There is that same sense of release even without any sexual element or orgasmic release.

Corporal In Bondage

So many things work with bondage. Corporal punishment is one such.

This takes it all up a notch and is what I particularly like, or need. I have been having pro-dom BDSM sessions for over fifteen years and they are all about bondage and corporal working together.

At the time in a session when I am in bondage the mistress gives me corporal punishment. She uses straps. tawse, belts, canes on me that leave welts for maybe a week. They aren’t gentle love taps. They are full on corporal punishment. And I love it, I come back for it regularly.

When the session starts I am feeling the bondage, moving against the straps. Then after the first stroke, I feel the burn of the impact, the sting penetrating into me and I’m powerless to change it. I writhe in bondage, feeling the restraint straps and it gets in deeper.

As the session proceeds, this immersion of my head space in submission, into a different reality gets stronger and stronger.

I can’t move in bondage as the mistress gives me corporal punishment, the pain ramps up as I accept it. I feel the bondage, I feel the corporal, and it works so well together.

Then there is a moment when it all fades, the pain “just is there” but is not dominant as I move past it. I transcend it. The pain is just a mechanism I ride to deeper feelings of release and submission as I move inward.

At the end of the session there is usually a caning that cuts deep into me. Each stroke is felt, each is hard and brings me back from my head space, then pushes me back again. As i move against the bondage straps, I accept it, I take it in. Then I push my butt back for the cane and invite more.

Being Gagged And Collared

Where on your body you are bound can change the whole experience significasntly.

I find that gags and collars are partiocularly evocative and affect me significantly.

The soft inner wrists when wrapped with a firm leatheer cuff or a belt feels strong. So can being blindfolded but that is not strong for me – though I can understand it.

Bit I find gags and collars particularly strongly.

A gag stops the ability to control via communication, to change or alter what is happening. When it is strapped into the mouth, unable to be released, it is absolutely an enhancing part of the bondage experience. It makes the victim vulnerable. It forces submission, it goes against and denies what the victim is able to do at all other times, to control and command. It is a strong part of the whole experience, of submission.

Being gagged can be very intrusive and something you cannot get any way else. It can feel like a punishment, it can feel annoying, it can feel so damned strong. You want to talk, to say something and can’t. You can fight it, you push against the gag but you can’t change it.

A collar round the neck gives a feeling of submission and vulnerability. It can be very strong. Putting one on changes everything and particularly after the first few times, it becomes almost a conditioned response. Necks are sensitive both in sensation and also the way they are linked to our sense of vulnerability and survival.

Warning; Anything around the neck is to be careful of as a choking hazard (take this seriously folks) but a collar put on firmly (no, no, no, not tight) seems to focus the mind and strengthen that sense of vulnerability.

Together they multiply the experience. Together, to be collared and gagged feeds the mind, shifts it, feeds the fetish, pushes the senses deeper into the whole experience.

The Self Bondage Experience

This is how I started, and was all I had for many decades. I found it particularly satisfying but also frustrating. Knowing that I could get out of bondage when I wanted went against the whole thing and reduced the excitement.

I did this for decades starting from my very early teens. It happened in a time of zero exposure to the concepts of bondage, to sexuality, to anything of this ilk whatsoever. Yet I did it.

My immediate reaction after I’ve put myself into bondage has been to close my eyes and lay back. My brain seems to slow down, I feel the straps binding me, I feel the gag and the collar, and my world shrinks to my inner self and what is happening. Reality receeds. I like to move against my bindings, to experience them, to acknowledge their presence and that are keeping me in bondage

Since I like wide leather belts, straps, as I move against them I feel the chafing against my skin, and because I loop them together as best I can, moving one moves others and that feels so good. This feeds my feiths and it all works together (a common thing for me).

Yet at the same time I feel like I have expanded, I have pushed myself into a new dimension that has opened up and accepted me.

Most of all, I feel happy, satisfied, complete, home, released, relaxed.

Sexuality And Bondage

There is a huge element of this at times, and at others zero sexual elements of arousal.

It is so common for sex in bondage to be portrayed in film and literature now. Thanks to the Fifty Shaes there is often a reference to kinky sex and usually a partner being in bondage, tied the bed kind of thing, and then an erotic time had. Yay, fun times!

In my BDSM sessions with a mistress I am in bondage for most of the session, there is no orgasm, no touchng, no fondling or other type of sexual arousal stimulation, but there is a lot of corporal punishment.

But in my early days I most certainly did orgasm and my first ever orgasm happened when I tied myself up with leather straps.

Is It Sexual – is it only for sex?

I can only speak for myself. The answer is not clear. It can be both sexual and also non-sexual. As I have got older, the sexual and orgasm elements have reduced.

Sure, I have done a lot of reading. So many people without first hand experience in their lives tend to analyze from the comfort of the easily understood idioms. Choosing a simplistic cover all answer makes “understanding” easy if you say “it is all about sex or sexual gratification” – but I think that’s just superficial and gives the writer a cop-out.

You want a holiday each year, or more often, right? It is nice to get away, de-tox and tune out for a week or two. If you don’t get it, you get cranky and focus on the last holiday and wish for another. Not having bondage in my life causes a similar feeling of angst, or loss, or of something missing. A good bondage session provides a similar level of peace and release to a holiday

Sex may well be at the heart of bondage for me, but I just don’t feel it. Others may read this and think I’m delusional, maybe I am, but I don’t usually get an erection in bondage. I feel a sense of personal release, a lessening of my sense of self, I feel a simple transport out of there here and now. I feel myself focus on the bondage and nothing else unless there is some corporal happening.

If sex were at the heart of my bondage needs I’d have stopped a decade ago.

But there is a stong culture of sex with bondage. The allure of being tied up then used for sex, taken, to give up control and be submissive for a dominant partner can be very strong for many people. And vice versa, to be dominant then tie up your partner sure will have an appeal for many.

To each their own!

But it is more than that and especially for me.

Imagine I said mountain climbing was all about sexual gratification, or scuba diving? Both are absolutely totally immersive in the way participants get into them, they way they engage, the way it sits in their psyche. But I doubt there is any sexual gratification happening. They do however bring a release, a way of relaxing and releasing tension, escaping the real world.

For scuba diving and though I don’t do it, I can almost feel the relaxation of being underwater, deep in the sea, swimming with the life there and experiencing it all. The office, customers, financial issues, relationship issues all fade away. There is only the activity and the experience.

For me bondage started out in a sexual way, but I didn’t realize it initially. It wasn’t a sexual drive that brought me to it, it was more ‘I think I’d like to try this’ kind of thing. To this day and many decades later I still wonder at why I did it that first time. The only answer is ‘it felt good.’

Sure, I had my first orgasm while in self bondage and in my very early teens. It was initially embarrassing to me, I thought I’d wet the bed, but the pleasure drew me back time and again and usually over the next decade or two I did get sexual release. It became sexual.

Over the years bondage became a masturbation aid, a means to get off by myself. Yet it also felt so deeply nice, I felt so happy with it, so fully immersed. But that masturbation faded so that the pure bondage experience in self bondage dominates.

Said in a different way…it was more than sexual and even the first time it was more than just the climax. The climax came out of nowhere and was a total surprise.  I could relax and escape in bondage like in no other way. I felt release from everything, from life, and I felt I really needed it. I felt it was something that I just had to do and couldn’t control that need. Sure I could deny it but that just had adverse effects on me and it festered.

There is Much Bliss In Bondage

There sure is for me.

It can have a level of sexual eroticism working with fetish and sexuality to produce profoundly pleasing experiences.

It can also be experiened outside a sexual setting almost as a therapeutic aid or practice to produce a wondeful release from tension and stress.

Above all else, it can be just plain fun, nice, an experience that is enjoyed.

I hope it is for you.

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New Hand Strapping and Hand Tawsing Post Coming

A Hand Strapping and Hand Tawsing Expose

I received an email, probably spam, from a gentleman who talked about his hand strapping experiences, mostly at school. I had a few too in my time – but nothing compared to now in my sessions.

I strongly suspect it was spam and then promptly ignored it.

But now, after some reflection I decided, why not revisit the whole thing. I’ve written other posts on this topic so, without looking at them, I’ve written a new and rather large blog post on Hand Strapping and Hand Tawsing.

The goal is to give maybe a slightly different perspective and to go into the whole thing from a number of angles.

If you are into hand strapping and hand tawsing, then this will certainly be topical. I’ve also decided to give a little more time to it in my stories.

Revised Hand Strapping and Hand Tawsing Story

I’ve also revised and spell corrected some of the errors in the Session Training story.

This is a self-hand strapping and hand-tawsing story that then morphes into domestic discipline along with some lovely belt fetish and bondage.

The second part has been updated but is, sorry, woefully incomplete.  It needs some work which I hope to do over the coming days. I’m feeling the protagonist is in for a torrid time under the leather.

Upcoming Stories

I’ve been woefully slow in publishing stories, but not in writing them. I have SO MANY on the back burner that finishing one of them to put into this blog is challenging to choose.

The Riding Academy series is looking promising. It is only 4 major chapters with chapter-2 looking promising and easy to sinish soon. I shall revise part-1 then add the new chapter in the coming weeks.

Riding Academy is kind of a best of breed fantasy for me, the whole bondage, discipline then used for relief of a dominatrix has massive appeal.

On the “solo” topic, I have a lovely story coming, “Naughty Solo Nancy” that goes into the self bondage and discipline themes with has some nice fetish twists. If any of that interestes you, tell me! I’ll speed it up.

So. With the best of intentions I shall try to publis more, soon.

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Prequel – Pro Domme Session BDSM 25 March 2021

Sorry – this has been an age coming.

I had a real life, paid for,  bondage, discipline, belt fetish BDSM aession with a dominatrix, a Mistress on 25 March 2021.

I spelled it out in all the above detail as it is truly a BDSM and fetish kind of session.

Also, belt fetish is a popular search term and adding that, leading readers to my belt fetish, leather and strap themed blog all helps.

My BDSM Sessions – What’s The Story?

I’ve been doing this for over 15 years now, and as my readers would know, I truly enjoy them at a level that astounds those around me who know of my preferences.

For come reason, being in bondage with many belts strapping me up tight, seeing the mistress with a wide belt, with various straps, then having her use them is a huge thing for me.

What about the pain? Sure, I feel pain like anyone else, but a had caning, a sound prison strapping, having a tawse lashing my hands seems to have a different kind of pain to anything else. Since it is deep in my psyche to seek this out, I find I want it, need it, regularly, the pain while significnt is not an issue.

How Good Was It?

Wow, it was amazing.  I had an amazing BDSM session and what a session it was. Seriously, it was among the best of my 15 years experience. Mistress was a delight, making the session work so very well. It was also one of the most severe, extending me. I’d asked for that and she delivered.

My sessions revolve around leather straps, leather belts, belt fetish, bondage and corporal punishment. I just love the feeling of being in bondage with belts around me, seeing the mistress wearing a wide leather belt then watching her take it off, run it through her hands then use for discipline, and I have a large number of belts and straps for her to choose from.

My Canadian Prison Strap looks very severe, and it is, and the rather lovely Off Billet Strap is a piece of leather that competes for severity with the Canadian Prison strap. Then I have some tawse that can only be described and severe if applied with any kind of effort (as it always is).

The thing is, the Mistress makes it special, and without her involvement it would be mechanical and kind of, well, a weak version of what happened.

What Did Mistress Do To Make It Special?

She got right into it. She played up to my belt fetish and corporal punishment needs.

We’ve had a number of sessions already so she knows my preferences. She is intelligent, empathetic and genuinely seems to enjoy the sessions.

What she did on the day was, to put it mildly, get into the groove, to embrace the BDSM and corporal and bondage nature of the session and to really make my session special.

A Private Theatre

A BDSM session with a great mistress has a strong element of “Private Theatre” about it. This means she takes on a role and then using that, fulfils my fantasies and special needs.

For example, a “school mistress” type session/role might be for the mistress to be a teacher who must discipline an unruly student, so she acts that out for her client.

In the pre-session discussion we talked over what I wanted, and she took that onboard very well.

Mistress did that for me and my needs spectacularly well.

I’ll document this in the full poosting to come, the next posting.

The Let Down

I feel disappointed when the session ends.

I’m in a different place, a different mind set, a different persona comes over me.

When the session ends I have to come back to reality and re-become me and, well, I find that disappointing.

Maybe you have read about sub-pspace? Well for me it is very real. I am truly different to the day to day me, so that in a session I change significantly. Coming back to reality is a let down, a transition I don’t much like. My time is over.

The Washup

After the session I went to a small restaurant and took the time to jot down the highlights into my laptop, and now, taking the time and reliving the memories I’ve fleshed it out.

So yes, it’s taken me a while to document as it left me so wonderfully satisfied and personally invested, I feel that revisiting it is difficult because I know I’ll want it all over again and soon. Not that I mind that, it is just that this session was so good.

So It All Happened Like This

— to come in the next post – it is written and waiting for a cleanup –

 



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You might have mail – Check your Spam folder

Silent Quivers - Check Your Spam

If you email us, please check your spam for our replies. We’ll put Silent Quivers in the subject field, or similar for you to find it.

Just last week I got a very pleasing email from a reader. He asked me to reply, which I did. He also asked to reply a few times in case his spam catcher binner my reply into his spam folder.

So far I’ve replied 3 times and no response?

Did he get it? Did the spam catcher bin me?

Spam

Amusing. With another website I curate, I’d forgotten some basic settings. When I came back after a few months there were literally over 35,000 spam messages. I had to download a special tool to delete them. any valid emails in there would have been lost.

That was damned annoying and why I hate spammers. It is also why if we get our emails binned, we understand. That’s life!

Play happy

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Session Mistakes – Tawse and Belt Fetish

Rookie Mistakes in a BDSM Session

I made 2 mistakes in my last BDSM session. Both were totally my mistake and both speak to the deepest inner needs, my ability to communicate them and how I interact with the mistress.

Assumptions Do Not Make Good BDSM Sessions.

Both mistakes were because of my poor pre-session discussion with mistress.

Hand Strapping And Tawsing

Hand strapping and tawsing is a thing for me.

In every session at the start of the session I kneel in front of mistress then she uses a succession of straps and tawses on me.

Each feels different. Mistress progresses through the mild school strap, to the more stinging straps, to the more mild tawse and then the super painful XH Lochgelly replica.

All parts of the experience are special.

Ms Tawse

‘HANDS UP,’ she demands. Then up close and personal the tawse descends.

Mistress standing in front of me, telling me she is going to strap me, telling me she is going to taws me is special.

She tells me to hold out my hand then she applies the strap or tawse, slowly, carefully, with plenty of tease.  She is close, right in front of me and the imagery, the whole scene is hugely BDSM fetish erotic.

For me with the mistress wearing wide leather belts, this is a core part of every session.

AND I FORGOT to ask mistress for this in my last session. How stupid was that! It was my assumption.

A Mistress in Wide Leather Belts

At the start of session, mistress put on my wide belts. One went round her waist, the other like a bandolier over her shoulders then running down between her breasts to sit on a hip.

It is a great image, and she did it the same way on the previous session in November 2020.

Huge Brown Belt

Is there any such thing as a ‘too wide belt’?

My mistake was in not asking her to put the belt back on after she used it. She was wearing a leatheer corset which looked great, but the belts made it look even better to me.

In the previous session, she took a belt off, told me how hard she was going to use it, told me I was going to get a belting, the strapping of my life… then she did it. After that she folded the belt in half and put it onto a bench. After she’d used both, she was belt-less.

Exactly the same happened in this session. It was fantastic and I’ll abslutely be asking for that again, but the belt on the bench was a fail.

Pre-Session Discussion Fail

So you see I made two mistakes and both were in the pre-session discussion. With 16 years of experience, I fell for this rookie mistake. I assumed.

I didn’t put enough emphasis on the pre-session discussion.

When I enter the establishment I talk with mistress for a few minutes and we discuss what I want to happen. She inputs some ideas, clarifies some points, then we move to the dungeon and it happens.

For this session I’d been fixating on a cold caning and a cold prison strapping. Mistress on hearing this was quite rightly wanting to know more of what I’d been thinking so we discussed it more than anything else in the session. A cold caning really does require a lot of commitment to the whole BDSM thing and there is a lot of trust required.

So two assumptions were made; mistress assumed the hand strapping and tawsing at the start were to be skipped and I’d be straight into suspension for the cold caning and strapping. I assumed mistress would give me the hand strapping and tawsing I’d had with her in every other session.

The other mistake I made was in not asking mistress to put the belt she was using  back on after using it.

Why did I not ask this? She’d done it last session. I should have known she would repeat.

The Pre-Session Discussion Is Difficult

I like the mistress. She gives me such excellent strappings, tawsings and canings. And doesn’t that sound strange!

Mistress works hard, she takes the session seriously and she makes every effort to make it special. She makes me feel there is something of a bond between us, a connection. Having that feeling is a delight.

But even with that connection and even after 16 years of having regular sessions I find the pre-session discussion difficult.

Part of it is my decades of secrecy asserting itself. I am so used to keeping this whole thing secret, I struggle to tell anyone about it.

It is also because I don’t want to be too specific, taking away spontaneity which really can be super special.

I want the session to be spontaneous, yet I want specific things. Clearly this poses a problem. Mistress is not a mind reader, much as I wish it.

I feel that in making too many suggestions to mistress, I don’t want to disrespecting or be criticising her. If I tell her something she can do better, I don’t want her to think she had made a huge mistake in a previous session.

Rules For A Great BDSM Session

A well equipped BDSM dungeon offers so many options for your session.

Mistress will also have ideas and options. She will be experienced and have personal preferences.

But it is your session.

But how do you get the best possible session?

The BDSM Dungeon

So many options!

In writing this, I am saying to myself what I should be doing, not necessarily what I have done in the past. But it is based on years of experience and introspection.

Rule-1 – Plan your session. Break it up into just a few parts. Keep it simple! I have a “start”, “middle split in two” then an “end part.”

Rule-2 – keep it brief yet succinct. Give mistress an outline and highlights for each part of the session. You must say what you want, and what you don’t want.

Rule-3 – assume nothing. Even if it has happened in every previous session, and you want it, request it. If you don’t ask it is likely you won’t receive it.

Rule-4 – mistress is not a mind reader. Plan your session. Go back to Rule-1.

Have a great session!