Thank you to those saying they need to be punished by a real mistress and selecting me as their mistress. Regrettably I cannot oblige, but hopefully I may offer some insight and solace.
I do know how you feel first hand and also from other perspectives.
It Is A Long Journey
For me the journey was long and arduous. If you are struggling, I understand.
In my early teens I came to understand I had a kink, a big one, then over the years and decades this morphed and grew. The problem was that I could never admit it to anyone, and all those years ago it was so poorly understood.
But with the growth of my kink also came the internal silent quivers, the secret passions that brought depression and destabilized me.
Some decades later it got to the stage where my needs were making me struggle in my life. I then decided to talk to a therapist who assured me that “this would not make me a lesser person or take away all the good things about me.” And she was quite correct.
The most strange thing I have ever been told was “I don’t understand why you don’t do it if it makes you happy.” This was going against my conservative upbringing and she was telling me it was OK to have a BDSM session. I was amazed.
She was right of course. Now and after over fifteen years of deeply indulging in my kink, I find I am still the same old caring sharing loving and hopefully wonderful person I always was.
In some ways I am better. I have lost that angst of not taking the first step to accepting that I need bondage and discipline and that I needed to accept my kink.
Acceptance was so hard to gain.
If You Need Discipline What Do You Do?
Just to be clear, we are talking about corporal punishment, physical punishment.
How you go about this depends on quite a few factors.
Do you know what your needs actually are? Are there other fetishes involved as well, and do you fixate on some parts of it? How much pain do you want or can you tolerate and of course what you get out of it all. Is it enough to be disciplined or is sexual relief required?
There are different types of discipline (corporal punishment). For example the implement used, the setting, the type of person administering the discipline all make a huge difference.
Discipline can come with a raft of other things.As above, is there a favorite implement? What about how it is done? Is over the knee speaking your thing, or caning, whipping, flogging, strapping and what about kneeling with your hands up for the mistress to give you a hand tawsing? Do you feel you need to atone? Have you been bad? Do you need to be humiliated? Do you need to be pushed to the limit then taken a little further (extended) – and so the list goes on. Discipline is a huge subject and totally about your needs.
I know my needs changed over time. As I experienced more, I wanted more and sometimes different experiences.
However, the first time I was pretty much clueless so I engaged the services of a professional dominatrix in a professional dungeon which was the best thing I ever did. I really was clueless when I went into it then the mistress with her years of experience and skill introduced me to bondage, discipline and other things that I identified with extremely well.
Unfortunately that comes at a cost, but it was a cost well spent for me. In hindsight, I would not have changed that first session and would happily relive it over again.
For you? I can’t tell you – but you do have some choices. Now there are singles BDSM and kink based sites where you might meet someone who shares your passions. There are clubs and similar also where you can go to meet like minded people.
And of course there are the professionals. I have known 20 and I have great respect for them. They are the BDSM mistresses, the domme, the dominatrix who is available in most cities to cater for your needs.
If you really are like me that first time and wondering what it is all about, but knowing you have needs, then choose carefully.
The 3 Hardest Things
If I had to give some advice on what the major stumbling blocks are and how to go about getting the kink you want – here goes.
Be At Peace With Yourself
For decades this was the most difficult thing for me because of my upbringing and hence self perceived need to keep all this internal.
Until you can accept and be at peace, it will fester and your inner tensions will grow. This happened to me. My inner tension grew until I felt like exploding.
I could not progress till I accepted that I needed a session, till I could uynderstsnd that it would help me.
That was my first step.
Part of this is being able and knowing when to do something about your need. I know if I go too long then my mental state suffers. Then I do something about it – and I am at peace again.
Sometimes when the need is raging in me, just ringing up and making an appointment for a BDSM session makes me feel so much better.
Communicate – Be Open And Honest.
In your quest to fulfil your need you will eventually meet someone who wants to know what you want. Unless you can tell them properly, openly, tell them honestly what it is, you won’t get it.
In my experience I have never yet met a mind reader anywhere, not just in kink. You must lay it all out out.
I get it. You may feel ashamed, secretive, totally unable to describe what you want because it is embarrassing or whatever. However you do it, you must get past this. Try writing it down. Try making a list of the things you want and also the things you don’t want (that can be just as important).
For me I find this difficult as I had decades of keeping my special needs secret. Now, as time has passed it is a lot easier and in these more enlightened times, it is even easier again.
Accept That Your Kink Does Not Make You A Bad Person.
Really. If you have a particular kink and especially if it is in the BDSM arena it means… you like that kink and nothing more. You are not a bad person just from this. No way.
It is almost like saying you are a bad person because you scuba dive or mountain climb (both of which scare me slightly).
Do Something About It
I waited far too long before I did something about my special kink needs. For decades it lingered, festered, and destabilized me.
My first step was to talk to a therapist about it, and I felt amazingly better for it. It was the first time I’d told anyone in my life and it had a cathartic healing quality to it.
Then I had my first ever BDSM session. I remember when the session was over that I’d wished it was longer and I felt amazingly at peace.
Thinking back to those so many years ago, as I write now, I can still remember the amazing release from tension I had. It was like for the first time I’d somehow totally relaxed and let go the last tensions in my mind and body.
I wish you well in your journey.