Hand Strapping And Tawsing News and Updates

For so many years my fetish for leather belts, straps and tawse has been with me.

Often part of the whole thing has been getting a strapping from a dominatrix in a BDSM session across the hands.

In days gone by this was common in the school classroom. You’d be called to the font of the class, told to hold your hand out then the teacher would bring a leather strap down hard on the hand. I’ve talked about this before and how inappropriate it is in any society to beat children.

But for me in my adult years it is something I’m drawn toward.

For the next two blog posts I’ll be digging into this some more but in a consensual BDSM setting.

For the first I’ll be describing the first ever hand strapping my wife gave me decades after leaving school.

For the second post I’m going into how to approach a mistress, a dominatrix, to give a hand strapping and tawsing. This has been something I’ve had to do before each session and not something I have found easy. If your intention is to visit a dominatrix and this is on your bucket list, hopefully it will help.

Wife With Tawse

You just need to add a wide brown leather belt and you get the idea for how my wife looked as she stood holding a folded leather belt in front of me.

Oh. And the sight of my hand held out flat palm up waiting to receive the strap.

The first six to each hand were easy enough to take, the second six more difficult, and the third six was about my limit.

As always, if you feel the need to talk about your needs, or wish to share a story be it real life or fictional – please contact me. You won’t be the first.

In Praise OF The Dominatrix

Welcome to 2022. Lets hope this is a better year, surely we have a right to that after the last two. I thought for the new year I’d start with something new and not something I’ve seen on the web.

Basically, I’d like to give my appreciation to those professionals who see to my BDSM related and fetish needs – the Dominatrix.

Dominatrix

After all these years, and all these sessions, I find it is still easy to forget that a Dominatrix is another person, another human being with likes, hates, loves and loathes just the same as all the rest of us.

The Dominatrix / Client Relationship

My wife once commented when the subject came up, ‘You actually like these women who whip you’ and while that to some may seem an odd question, and also that it comes from my wife – it strikes to the heart of my life with BDSM.

First of all, my wife is accepting of my needs and understands she can’t see to them. For her my needs seem vastly illogical which caused her question as she considers any kind of pain or punishment to have a stigma attached. For her and most people the BDSM corporal punishment topic evokes highly negative thoughts.

Next it probably highlights an outsiders perceptions of the whole relationship between the slave (meaning me the client) and the Dominatrix.

And yes I do like them. They work hard, often with poor guidance and more than often in ways that would challenge most of us.

There Are Many Reasons

Attempting to understand the need for a Dominatrix, and then how a Dominatrix works are central to understanding the whole dynamic, the interaction between the Dominatrix and her client.

Also, and feeling pedantic, the exact phrasing of the question should be considered.

The phrasing actually matters more than most would suspect. There is a distinction in the phrasing of the question that really does matter to me.

The word “whip” is used in the question as a global term meaning to “beat” or “strike” or “hit” and a worse term is “thrashed” – which while they sound so similar, I don’t like them. Those words don’t have any feeling of fetish for me, they are generalizations.

I vastly prefer terms that define the type of punishment and the implement used, “strapping” and “belting” and “tawsing” work for me and of course a “caning” is always good.

Whips just are not my thing, well then again, I had a mistress a decade ago who was ambidextrous and used two stock whips on me at once. I suspect she struggled to find suitable slaves to ply this unusual ability on. I found the experience kind of ok, but not as intense as I had expected. The visual was pretty good though, the leather Dominatrix with two stock whips is always a pretty good look. Maybe she went light on me?

In my last session in early December 2021 the mistress told me I’m going to give the a thrashing so hard you won’t be able to sit down for days” which I liked the idea of and was kind of ok but I wish she’d said it was going to be a belting as she was holding a doubled over wide leather belt at the time. Since I was gagged and in bondage I didn’t have the possibility of saying anything and besides, correcting a Dominatrix in mid-session is really not the done thing. This mistress takes her work seriously, tries hard and I really did not want to give her anything other than positive feedback. Plus and importantly, it was my omission for not outlining that terminology before the session.

So, why do I visit a Dominatrix and pay for the privilege? The answer is extremely simple; I do it because it fills a space, fulfills a need, slakes a thirst I have that can’t be satisfied any other way.

You see, deep down where this need lives, there is a layer above put there by my upbringing and the definitions of polite society that says visiting a Dominatrix for a BDSM session is just not the done thing. That makes it seem even more unlikely that I should do this. But I do it because it works so well for me. From a cost-benefit point of view, the benefits far outweigh the emotional and monetary costs.

So why on earth would I actually like someone who whips me (there, that annoying terminology again but it does clarify things in an abbreviated way), causes discomfort, pain and from a rational point of view humiliates me? I do it because, and the answer is the same and like I said, it satisfies that need and does it in a professional manner that I doubt could be done in any other way.

But there is more to it that that.

If you want a simple answer, then you’ve had it.

If you want to look deeper to understand the relationship better, the benefits and yes also the costs, then read on.

In Summary – It all Works Together. It really does for me. I can afford the cost, I love the fetish look of the dominatrix in leather, the pain from the corporal punishment and the deeply cathartic feelings from tight strappy leather bondage. The Dominatrix gives acceptance and the way the BDSM session is played out all make me want it, and have kept me returning for 16 years now. From time to time I find there is a highly therapeutic nature to my BDSM sessions, but there is no doubt that it is an integral part of me, of who I am and that I need it.

First of all, the scrooge in all of us wants to know the cost and how to minimize it. For me, when I started it in 2005 the cost for a BDSM session with a Dominatrix in a professional dungeon was around $200 an hour. Now in 2022 that cost has risen to at least $300 depending on the time, person and the establishment. Of course, that was for my kind of session – pure bondage and corporal punishment. If there were other services that require cleaning or special arrangements then the cost of course escalates.

The cost for me has been substantial as I like (need?) at least a few sessions each year so yes, the cost quickly adds up.

Is there an alternative? Yes of course! You can visit clubs, seek out play partners, and do the whole ‘self bondage and corporal’ thing. If that works for you, then well done and you have my respect. For me those just don’t do it for me at a number of levels.

For me the BDSM dungeon and the mistress / Dominatrix thing is super deep, deeper than can be done at home by myself. Having someone else participate brings the experience home far better, far more meaningfully. By contrast the self bondage experiences can be satisfying in getting out the gear and exploring the fetish but they are a superficial and short term panacea at best.

What matters in your life? That is a question we all ask even if self consciously and then answer by the decisions we make. On a daily basis too. Our partner, if we have one, and our life journey are all a reflection of what matters to us. Visiting a Dominatrix is absolutely one of those decisions that I made that said ‘I want this experience because it matters to me and I want to make it special.

At a simplistic level, experience counts. No casual play partner or club experience will ever have the depth of experience and capability that a Dominatrix who has worked in the industry day after day and for years will have. Another way of looking at it; would you want to visit a medical professional or an amateur to has done some reading and works part time at it?

In my first ever session as a total newbie to pro-Domme sessions, the Dominatrix did things I never thought of, had equipment I didn’t know existed, and made the experience almost intoxicating. Her skill, attention, and her vast experience all made it special. Most importantly it was done professionally.

The need to submit in the BDSM session, to do the power exchange thing (a term I’m not in love with) is something that can be very strong in a BDSM session with a Dominatrix. Some people (men) really need this at times in their lives for a multitude of reasons.

I remember in my first session I was almost terrified at times as the Dominatrix took control, at others I was wondering how I had got myself into this position, and at others almost in a stupor at the effects of the session. When you add all those emotions together and they sit on top of decades of denial then the effect is very special indeed.

Maybe there is a fear-factor at play that adds to and generates all these strong feelings that makes it so addictive and almost intoxicating. Here you are being dominated by a Dominatrix and all of a suddenly you are out of your comfort zone and relinquishing control making it very powerful.

That submission, being told to endure, to take what is given and commanded by the leather clad Dominatrix does bring an endorphin rush. The mental mind-shift this brings is uniquely powerful.

I once saw BDSM and being a Dominatrix described as ‘Private Theater’ and on reflection it really is. It is particularly private in fact, with an audience of one and the Dominatrix plays a part that has been scripted by the pre-session discussion and the type of session.

The Dominatrix acts out a scenario based on the needs of her client, her slave, and it is for that person, her client alone. Choosing a Dominatrix is a lot like choosing an experienced actor, someone who has does it all before, knows what they are doing and understands the audience.

Guilt and an absence of emotional attachment. These are also big things. I visit a Dominatrix then when the session is over, I go my way, she goes her way and we each move on with our lives. There is no danger of damaging my marriage and I have not had sex outside the marriage or been unfaithful to my wife.

The guilt factor is there but vastly diminished. Sure, I have been naked with another woman and indulging in something intensely private with her, but again, there is no challenge to my wife. Yes, I am treating the Dominatrix as if she were a service provider, as a professional not a lot different to a medical professional (and there are similarities in my mind) so surely I can actually like her? Respect her? All just the same as my doctor.

If I’d sought out someone from a play party or an internet matching service specializing in BDSM I’m reasonably sure I would not have those benefits. I have no intention of forming an attachment to someone based on my BDSM needs, and hence the Dominatrix experience suits me very well.

There is a hint of a contradiction, of hypocrisy in this of course. Yes I am treating the Dominatrix as a purely commercial arrangement, yet I like them. We greet, chat, talk happily before and after a session and could be reasonably expected to be called friends. But there is an extremely well defined line across which I cannot cross and she will not accept (and quite rightly so).

The Dominatrix and the BDSM session do have a strong therapeutic value. Sometimes when I have a BDSM session I know I am wound up and tense, sometimes feeling as if I’m about to have a panic attack and that the world is jarring on me making life difficult. There have been articles on the web about the “spank therapy” types of sessions and indeed there are stories of it being used (by caning) in Russia at a clinic.

Broadly speaking I find there are three distinct ways the BDSM sessions work for me. Firstly, it is experiencing the fantasy and fetish that means so much to me. It is the ability to do this in a safe and professionally done way where it all come sout, nothing is hidden or denied, where there it total honesty about what is happening. Then there is the acceptance of doing this with another person who can participate and make it so much better for me. She caters for my special needs, she pushed me along, she makes it all work so very well. Finally is the raw experience of the session, the sensory overload and yes the pain that helps trigger the endorphin rush that ‘sends me’ into another mental head space. Mixed with this is the focus. I am nowhere else, I can’t be – I am in the session and the rest of the world doesn’t exist. It can’t. I’m totally there in the session.

I quipped once to my wife that ‘It’s impossible to be feeling depressed when the Mistress is giving me a strapping with her belt.’ And that is so true. There is only the ‘now’ and all the causes, reasons, history of the depression don’t exist. If you’ve ever had depression, getting it caned out of you, of strapped out of you, can feel very attractive.

Gear and space also matter. When I enter a professional dungeon I feel the change in myself. It is deep, so very deep, seemingly like an out of body experience. Just walking into the dungeon does it.

Have you ever tried meditation? If you have and it has been so very deep that when you return to the real world you feel immensely relaxed and at peace, well that is close to how I feel when I walk into the dungeon. All my tensions have eased, all the distractions in the world are gone. There is only the here and now.

You can get a little of this walking into other spaces, shops, peoples houses, you name it – your mind reacts to the environment and that is strong for me in a dungeon.

Yes, I’ve done the self-bondage thing for a few decades, far too many of them in fact. The reality is that it is great to feel the gear, to smell the leather and to move against the straps and belts that bind me. It falls down because being in a bedroom or similar space just does not have the same effect no matter how I try.

Looking at that paragraph, I suspect the best Dominatrix operating out of a bedroom or a garage and not having that ‘Dungeon feel’ would not work well. Thinking back, I have actually visited 2 home bedroom type dungeons and while each Dominatrix was great, I didn’t have many sessions there. I gravitated back to the full dungeon venues.

The Acceptance a Dominatrix gives is no small thing. This is easily missed, but it is huge. I have this special need and this internal stigma battling within me, and now I can visit someone before whom I can lay it all out, expose my innermost kinky thoughts and secrets and actually do it. And she accepts me. What is not to like, or love, in that interaction.

At a simple level, here is someone who will keep my secret and work with me to make it happen.

She accepts, she works with me and she makes me feel good in a way that is deeply comforting. That kind of acceptance just cannot be measured.

I remember, still, my first ever session where I’d told the Dominatrix I loved the belt bondage thing and had done self-bondage with belts for decades. During the session she introduced me to a bondage-spine, also known as a fish-bone harness. It has one long strap that runs from the back of the head down to the ankles. Through this are threaded a dozen other wide straps that wrap the body and when done up tight really is the pinnacle of belt bondage experiences. To this day, a decade+ later, regret the missed opportunity I had to purchase that spine when the dungeon closed down, but missed out.

Anyway, there I was in the session, naked, laying on the floor strapped up tight in this fantastic harness of wide leather straps, belts, and loving it. Really loving it. Standing above me was the leather clad Dominatrix with a strap giving me a hand strapping (I had to rotate my palms outward so she could apply the tawse she had), then she rolled me onto my front and gave me some bastinado from the tawse to the soles of my feet, and strapped my butt for a while. There was no downside to this. I still remember the out-of-body feeling, that feeling of ‘Am I really doing this’ as I lay there submerged so deep into sub-space.

The key point in this was that the Dominatrix facilitated it, made it work, and made the session so much batter as a result. For the first time in my life I was with someone who understood. And accepted.

In my most recent session late in 2021 at the start of my session I stripped off, had a shower then put myself into bondage prior to the Dominatrix returning for the start of session. There I was kneeling, with seven belts circling my ankles, calves, knees, waist and arms then linking them. I had on wrist cuffs that were clipped to a joiner that belts kept in the middle of my chest. It was an amazingly (even to me) display of kinky belt bondage and the Dominatrix hardly blinked an eye. Maybe she felt some surprise that I’d gone significantly further with my pre-session bondage than previously, maybe she was wondering how I’d done it all, but the reality was that she wasn’t fazed for an instant. Again, that kind of acceptance lets me indulge in the kink in a way that just works so well.

I find humiliation is always a part of a BDSM session. While I do not ask for it and have absolutely no desire for humiliation, how on earth could I indulge my secret fetishes and not feel humiliated in some way? Maybe humiliation is an excessive term – perhaps embarrassment might be more accurate.

My BDSM sessions have bondage and corporal punishment pretty much exclusively. I’ll be naked with many leather straps binding me, gagged, as the Dominatrix used all the implements on me. I find being naked like that, in bondage and in front of someone to be quite embarrassing even though I’ve been doing this for so many years.

Take hand strapping (tawsing) for example. I am naked and usually kneeling. The Dominatrix stands in front of me then tells me to put my hand out for the strap. She commands me. I lift my hand then she uses the strap or tawse or belt and brings it down hard along the length of my hand and fingers. It can be excruciatingly painful and she is right in front of me, watching me as she gives me that strapping. When I react, she is right in front of me watching, and I find that humiliating. There I am naked with my hand out getting a strapping just like I did at school in front of all my peers. It is all brought back to me.

What makes it all work is that the Dominatrix caters for this need impartially and professionally. She does not judge or feel horrified but rather she is accepting.

All this speaks to mental health. Yes it does most certainly for me. My having a session I know my tensions and inner conflict is vastly reduced. I feel myself building up steam between sessions, becoming less at ease and more easily angered and ‘just not me’ as my wife says. Then she sends me off for a session and I come away a whole new person.

If I couldn’t have sessions, I know I would be termed ‘an angry man liable to fly off the handle’ far more than I am now. So yes, there is absolutely a significant mental health aspect to BDSM sessions and the role of the Dominatrix.

As for the Dominatrix herself, I generally like and respect them. How on earth do they have an easy job? They must cater for such a wide variety of needs, be empathetic to their client and do things that challenge societal norms. They work in a sexual environment where I am sure they are asked inappropriate questions and perhaps subject to expectations that are immensely difficult to satisfy. Yet they do this, try so hard and in my experience and given half a change do it so well.

Sure, I have had sessions that really didn’t work, the Dominatrix and I just did not ‘mesh’ such that the sessions were less than great. Looking back and being bluntly honest, one was a time waster, one was self obsessed, and two others were absolutely my fault as I’d read into their profiles and used assumptions that were wrong. Rule number one, choose carefully.

So yes, I do like these people who whip me.

The Contradictions Of BDSM

Upbringing of course has such a huge impact on our lives. We grow up with a set of values and perceptions as to how we should behave, yet we can have huge hidden inner needs conflict with that conditioning.

Thus It was for me.

The leather mistress with a whip leaves nothing to the imagination.

That is of course except for the role you will play. Will it be you she whips? And you want that?

This is where the contradiction comes in. Suddenly your needs overwhelm your upbringing. Suddenly you find relief and solace from your denied needs and suddenly you feel free.

Yet at the same time you look around you and feel such guilt or remorse, or an out of body feeling that you doubt your sanity.

How can you be in a BDSM dungeon with a leather clad dominatrix and have that fit within your upbringing? It goes against your logic and yet it is so vastly wanted.

I remember being in a bondage-spine also known as a fish bone harness. It is essentially a dozen wide lather straps that wrap the body tightly and totally immobilize. For the belt bondage fetishist it doesn’t get any better than this. I remember thinking how damn strange it was to be in this position, on the floor strapped up tight. Yet I loved it so much. And  I doubted my sanity. And I was disappointed when mistress un buckled all the straps.

This is the contradiction. Your needs are fighting with your logical self. You need it, you rebel against it. I do. Maybe this is where heavy corporal helps. It pushes all other thoughts out of my mind and pushes me firmly into that floaty and sub-spacey feeling I relish.

Walk into a BDSM dungeon. It is filled with promise as to what will happen. There is no ambiguity.

Yet later in the session, I can almost look down on myself and wonder how and why on earth I am doing this. It feels so strange.

At the same time I know I need it so much.

The BDSM Dungeon

The Multi Polar Life

I’ve spoken of this previously. I feel we all have and live with multiple personalities, all stacked up inside us that come out to take control under different circumstances.

For example, your work persona changes to something else when you get home. Your home persona changes when you go shopping, or are on holiday and of course at work. That is all reasonable and normal.

The many faces

The faces we present to the world change from day to day and from hour to hour.

I know I change dramatically in a BDSM session compared to my other personas – and that sounds totally normal.

Yet I feel the contradiction.

But when something that is important to us is denied, the denial seems to make it stronger. No matter how you try, it is always there, clamoring for attention and taking effort to suppress.

At the same time our logical self, our every day self that deals with people, friends and family battles with that inner special self crying out for its release.

The contradictions between our special needs and our upbringing and the logic that has ruled our formative lives causes tension and conflict within us.

Moving Forward

For me there were a number of ways that I was able to reduce the tension and conflict that came from the contradictions warring within me.

Without doubt, the best thing I did was to seek professional counseling. That put everything into perspective.

Acceptance of myself and my special needs came from counseling. That, and the simple words that were spoken to me gave me a new perspective on life. This was the first step.

Coming out to my wife was a life changing moment where we both came to know each other better. I was able to dispel the fears I had, and that she had, and then move forward in our lives.

Taking charge then slaking my needs with regular BDSM sessions was then possible. I was able to reduce the inner tensions and to live out my innermost needs.

Coming Out To BDSM

One persons BDSM is another persons porn or filth or depravity, and quite often a secret delight. You name it. The issue with coming out to BDSM is to define what BDSM means to you – and then of course dealing with the consequences of a revelation to a significant other. It is not easy!

bdsm

Before You do - ask these questions

For me, coming out took decades and only happened at a time of great personal stress. Sure, it worked for me but it is not something I would recommend without answering some basic questions.

Why are you doing it now? Why not yesterday, or last week, or next week?

Why are you doing it at all? Write the reasons down. Do they make sense?

How will it change the people you tell? Are they open minded, will this come way out of the left field for them and challenge their perceptions of you? Will you be the only kinkster in your group, then what assumptions will that provoke?

What are you going to get out of it? Yes, you must be selfish and admit to yourself just what pluses there are in this for you.

Coming Out Has Its Perils - Expect Confusion

First of all, I do not recommend you come out to a significant other, to friends and colleagues you are into BDSM – unless you are absolutely sure of the outcome. That is totally and absolutely your choice and your concern and your responsibility.

Remember – what is once said can’t be un-said and can’t be un heard.

Then when you do say that you have “this thing I like which is a bit kinky,” that leads to further discussions. Expect to be questioned more and more. If someone cares for you, that is only natural.

The confusion comes when someone who has previously seen you as “normal” suddenly finds you have this kink that seems so illogical to them. Trying to explain what it is that you get out of it can be near to impossible.

Trying to define to someone else just what it is that BDSM is for you can be challenging. Oft times images are far stronger or better than words.

Tawse Over Shulder

HOLD OUT YOUR HANDS – she says. Then I do for the tawse to do its work. This is an image that tells so much and also can be truly scary to someone not into the BDSM thing.

“You really get that?” I got asked, and then “but why?” and then the reasons that are invented are amusing. “Was it something in a previous life?” and “is it that you’re gay?” and “were you abused as a child?”

Trying to explain that my kink is just something in me, something innate, something necessary that calls to me just wasn’t enough for a very long time.

Disclosure As A Necessity

I can only write from personal experience, and from the depth of my own upbringing in kink-unfriendly times.

Disclosure became a necessity for me. Denial for more than 3 decades really did build an awful tension.

In a time or marital trauma I disclosed to my wife. I had to. She could see I was emotionally struggling and that the end of the marriage was a distinct possibility. She thought the fault was hers or that the marriage wasn’t working.

In some ways she was right. It wasn’t working because I had this need and was repressing it and keeping it a secret. It was the marriage because I felt trapped and could not indulge in my needs.

But it was me. I had not had the strength or honesty to disclose and in the absence of information, she was also a pressure cooker of emotions and fears. All this was spiraling out of control.

Disclosing was immensely difficult. It took hours and hours to explain that I had this need. That I needed it. That it was part of me and not as a consequence of her behavior or some age old trauma etc.

Extremely important was also to point out that my special needs did not take away from my love for her and the family or make me a bad person. I was and will be the same old me, just with a few extra kinks I’ve admitted to that have always been there.

Her fear of change and a sense of loss was very real. Working through that was necessary, with lots of reassurances.

Time helped immensely. We worked on the issue, talked it over. Sex outside the marriage was huge thing and a marriage breaker for her if this was included in me seeing BDSM mistresses. For me that was not an issue as sex is not part of my sessions.

Over The Years

The huge benefit of coming out to my wife is that she understand me far better. Should that not be the case in a marriage?

The whole cheating thing is all dependant on how you define it.

When my moods are low or ‘needy’ she knows I need to have a session and usually fairly soon.

While I feel guilt in doing it,  it is vastly easier for her knowing.

She also runs interference for me telling family and contacts a cover story.

So, yes, disclosuure has made it hugely easy.

BDSM And Cheating

This was a sticking point for my wife. If I wanted sex with mistresses she and I would have struggled to stay together.

It is cheating because even without sex in BDSM sessions I am doing something so personal to me while naked, with another woman. It is something so deeply personal-intimate which should only be with a partner in my old-school upbringing view.

It is not cheating because there is no sexual element, no intimacy, no erotic touching etc. The mistress is doing something my wife can’t get involved with and the mistress is relieving a tension that helps in the marriage. Plus my wife knows about it, I am honest, I am not keeping secrets – and honesty and keeping secrets are the first step in cheating.

I like to think there are similarities when when I see a female doctor, or a female nurse or psychologist. I can tell them intimate things, or get medically examined, I am also not cheating.

You need to be the judge of all that.

Few if any mistresses I’ve seen would have permitted sex. Sure, hand relief is available and they are I presume happy with that. I’ve been offered it maybe 3 times in 16 years but I’ve always said I couldn’t look my wife in the eyes if I did that. Even that felt wrong.

In my first ever session I really felt that I was cheating. Taking off my clothes and allowing her to interact with me (meaning to give me corporal) with me naked felt vastly wrong. It felt like I was cheating, yet there was zero intimacy of any kind.

Over the years this has relented. I can be naked chatting to the mistress after the session and there is still no intimacy. It is just part of the session and not a danger to the marriage.

Where To For You?

May I suggest you think it through, take your time, evaluate benefits and consequences. Be sure of yourself.

I am a huge fan of writing things down, making lists, weighing up decisions.

Then with important things, wait a few days and re-evaluate. Look at it with a fresh mind.

What is once said, can’t be un-said. Are you comfortable with this.

The number one priority is “you” – how are you going to feel, feel better, be happier?

Doing something like this in haste just feels vastly wrong.

Either way, I hope it goes well for you. Life is a journey we should take pleasure from, be a peace with and happy free, to be free to live and love as suits us.

‘Trikki

Christmas Best Wishes

To all, I wish a most wonderful and happy Christmas, then a happy, safe and prosperous 2022.

Best Wishes

‘Trikki

Christmas tree

For me, 2021 has had its challenges with Covid, health in its various forms and of course all those sometimes wonderful, sometimes painful things that make us unique human beings.

At times it has felt that the world has gone mad, that the stability I’d assumed would be there forever has been damaged.

But now as I near the end of 2021 and see the world emerging from its great challenge of the pandemic, I see and feel more hope than in the last so many months.

For 2022 my greatest hope is that we can all consolidate and prosper safely with the new year.

My gift to you : at times when I have struggled to stay positive, the words below come to mind. May they bring you peace.

‘Trikki

DESIDERATA

GO PLACIDLY amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

By Max Ehrmann © 1927
Original text

https://www.desiderata.com/desiderata.html

Mental Health And BDSM – My Story

Sometimes Life Loses Its colour

I know at times how difficult it is to be happy when life seems to be sucking all the pleasure out of my life. I feel isolated, depressed, and at times even worse.

Some times of the year are worse than others, too. Sometimes when we are meant to be happy, joyous, festive, the mood really struggles to lift.

Mental Health

Having that huge inner secret really can make like difficult. It did for me for years.

This is part of my story, how BDSM has become an accepted part of my life.

BDSM Really Is Central To Me

It is clear to me that my mental health and BDSM are closely related. I know that the denial decades, the time when I denied that I had these needs, were difficult. I know those decades were marked by mood swings and feelings of inadequacy and depression.

When I sought counseling then had my greatest fears put to rest by more than one psychologist it lifted a burden from me. Then I was able to have my first ever BDSM experience with a professional mistress, a dominatrix.

I can still remember how I felt after that first session. It was like a weight had been lifted, like I was a new person, like I had been reborn and rebuilt.

To be told by medical practitioners, “No your BDSM side does not make you a bad person or take away from who you are,” was one of the most profound moments in my life.

Where It All Started

In my very early teens I discovered self-bondage and the joy of having a belt fetish. Since this was in a time before the internet, and half a century before the 50 shades phenomenon, knowledge and acceptance of this kind of activity was pretty much nil.

From my upbringing, I was totally unable to admit this need to anyone and it became my secret pleasure for decades, but also a source of instability.

In fact, I’d (of course) known absolutely nothing about what I was doing and enjoying, I just knew it called to me and I felt better for it. It was a spontaneous pleasure that surfaced from an inner need.

The key take away is that I did it spontaneously.

Where’s The Benefit

Without going into detail, but over the years my needs changed slightly and grew.

I found that after indulging in my secret pleasure that I was happier for a time afterward. It seemed to relax, to release, to free my innermost self in some way that nothing else could.

Sex, vanilla sex outside of BDSM was great which I enjoyed and still enjoy immensely. My BDSM needs don’t take away from that but I’ve never mixed them together. For me they are separate but I am sure that for others this is not the case. We’re all different and while I sometimes I wish I could mix the two together it is not a strong or great wish.

I could talk about the mechanisms, the things that are done, the equipment, the fetish, the pain and the erotic or sub-space nature of the BDSM session but that is a topic for another post. It is also different for different people as I am sure my needs are different from others.

What matters to me and what makes my sessions work probably won’t be the same for many others, and vice versa.

The direction the benefit comes from, the means to that benefit comes from a number of sources or reasons.

First of all, being tied up, in bondage, seems to affect me deeply. I feel a release from stress and a giving up of responsibility.

I love that feeling, both physically and mentally as belts wrap and restrain me.

Sub-space is a real thing for me. All the aspects of the BDSM session work with this to push me deeper and deeper into a far more relaxed state sometimes called ‘sub-space’ where the every-day-me is gone and a new me emerges. It is a me that has regressed to become almost elemental in its regression and freedom from this world.

Sub-space is a little like deep meditation. It is a time when the usual day to day “me” is gone and replaced by a totally placid, passive, un-thinking and un-caring me who just responds in the session and floats along with it.

I once told my wife that it’s impossible to thinking of much else when you’re tied up getting a strapping from a leather clad dominatrix. And it’s true. The whole experience, and because it’s so deep within me, pushes me into a totally different space. Nothing else in the world exists.

Fetish and indulgence are factors. Being able to indulge in fetish, to let that inner need out and to have acceptance and participation from someone else is a huge thing.

Just being able to indulge in something that means so much to me means a lot.

Also the humiliation of being in bondage, of being given corporal punishment while in bondage and to feel that embarrassment is all part of it. It challenges my societal norms, yet I do it, yet it challenges and the contradictions take a toll on me.

It all helps push me into sub-space, to change me.

For the vanilla readers – the nearest I can give you as an example;

Imagine you have had a terrible month, the most stressful you can imagine. Then you set out to go on holiday and the traffic is terrible, everything conspires to make your life difficult. The car has trouble, there is road work, you get a speeding ticket – the list goes on. Then you get to your destination feeling tired and washed out and stressed, you throw your bags in the hotel room and walk down to the beach. Suddenly the trauma in your brain stops, your mood changes and expands expands into the surroundings, all the weight is lifted and stresses are forgotten and you feel good. You are on holiday. You walk bare footed in the surf and listen to the crashing waves as it consumes you.

Well, that’s how I feel at the start of a BDSM session, then it just gets better.

Perhaps it is in the giving up of the self, giving the power over myself to another (oft called power exchange), removing all my cares and responsibilities that has such a profound effect on me.

“Power exchange” to me is a clinical term in my opinion. It is used to describe the process of the BDSM session where the mistress dominates the slave for a time. For me, I have never thought that. The BDSM session is my coming out time, when I live my inner fantasy. I;m free to indulge even if only for a short time.

As Time Went On

Back onto the time line, after my teenage years I remained in denial for three decades and change before I eventually “broke” then saw a therapist who reassured me that in these much more enlightened times, my needs did not make me bad person.

After my first BDSM session I found a peace and acceptance and a release from inner tensions that had been growing for decades. It was a particularly cathartic time and a time of self discovery. While I didn’t cry from the release, I could absolutely understand it if others did.

Trying to Keep An Even Balance – Secrets Can Be Destructive

I married then had children with a wonderful woman who to this day I still enjoy a deeply loving relationship with and would in no way want or consider to change.

One of the most difficult things in my life was coming out to her about my BDSM needs, and then trying to help her understand that it is just a part of me that in no way invalidates my love for her. Now, nearly two decades later she is accepting and even sends me off for a BDSM session when it is clear I need one again.

Keeping that even balance can be difficult. In busy times, times of stress I handle all that very well on a day to day basis. But it is wearing. After a time, weeks or even a few months and more I find my thoughts are turning toward that inner place that calls me. When I try to repress it, it builds an inner tension that destabilized me.

It does sound a little like a split personality as I re-read that. And it is. There is the logical every day “vanilla” me and then the kinky-me needing release.

There is no doubt it is an inner place, something that is a part of me. It is not habit that brings it, it is not the trauma of life itself or something forced on me.

It is everything. It is my self-consciousness understanding that I need it to make me whole again. Like eating when I’m hungry. Like showering when I feel dirty or greasy.

Going Forward

In the years I have left on this earth I somehow doubt I will change much in my needs. Speaking with mistresses the message is the same, age is not a great factor in needs for BDSM.

I know my health and in particular my mental health are dependent on my acceptance of my needs and occasionally having them met.

However the intensity I enjoy may change as that may be natural. We all change. Also I find myself drawn to one part of my need more than others, but that would seem to also be the nature of the whole spectrum of BDSM and life in general.

BDSM can change as required, it is broad and deep in what is available.

Are You Struggling?

I did for years and wouldn’t wish that on anyone. My issues were upbringing related and long lasting, decades.

My solution and one which I hope helps others was to seek professional counseling. That helped immensely by letting me come to terms with my needs and de-stigmatize them.

Above all else, it helped to de-stimatize the whole BDSM thing.

‘Trikki

Dating And BDSM Needs

Christmas time can be a time of feeling lonely, feeling lost and neglected. The solution is often seen as dating, finding that someone nice to be with and even if only for a short term.

Adding BDSM needs into the mix adds a significant complication. Looking back on my life and with the bias from an upbringing in decidedly non-enlightened times, what advice would I give myself on dating today?

Life is very different now providing so many options.

Dating

It all comes back to what you want in dating.

Sex? A short term or long term relationship? A life partner?

You Need To Define What You Want

A great self help book I read said that you can’t hit a target unless you can see it. What simple and obviously good advice that is.

So it is with relationships. What are you after and what BDSM type interaction and or disclosure are you wanting?

Now I realize there are many dating Apps out there and more than a few cater for the BDSM and other communities. Well done them!

But not all relationships happen through an App – and even when one does, how do you deal with disclosure?  What do you do if you see that someone special on a non-kink friendly site? Do you disclose? When? How? Why? What are the consequences?

When - and Should - you Disclose?

If you’re looking for a hard and fast recipe – forget it.

No two people and situations will be the same. Sorry to state the bleeding obvious and you probably know that anyway.

If you are on a first date with someone from work and you disclose and it ends badly – well that is just a recipe for your private needs to spread where you probably don’t want.

If you are not sure about the person and quite frankly suspect they are not kink-friendly then hey, it might be a great idea to ease into the conversation about it. If it scares them off then that is almost a win-win. No harm no foul. You can still maybe be friends but acknowledge a relationship breaker. I’d much rayther have the pain of a breakup earl rather than later.

Honesty matters to me. Being dishonest with someone when emotions are involved really is not nice and I wouldn’t want it to happen to me. This needs to be balanced with ‘the right time’ in disclosure.

A difficult situation is where you date someone and after a few dates and maybe after some intimacy you open up. You are into them, thery are into you… so what could go wrong?

The answer is you must look at the situation. How is that person going to deal with it – can you assure them that the BDSM side is complimentary and not an overwhelming thing (supposing it is that way for you) and that hey, they can maybe enjoy it also.

Of course it all depends on if you want the relationship to endure and the person.

My Own Experience

I re-entered the dating scene after a relationship problem. I swore to myself I would never date someone without disclosing my special BDSM needs.

The results were surprisingly positive.

I was looking for a relationship, long term and those where the people I was seeking. I don’t know if that coloured the experience.

I found 100% support from my dates. Their focus was to find someone loving, caring, supporting and most of all someone who they felt comfortable happy and secure around. My BDSM side was seen as something maybe a little odd, maybe strange, maybe out there, but for them it was peripheral to the whole package.

I never disclosed on a first date. I wanted to find out just what the person was like first. Some I never saw again because they just were not right for me.

Personality was more important. Being able to talk, communicate with, have some fun and shared interests and just be compatible vastly overwhelmed the BDSM side. That surprised me. Yet again my upbringing let me down.

One date resulted in intimacy very quickly before I could disclose, then burned out naturally. BDSM wasn’t mentioned.

Another date burned out naturally prior to intimacy, then we both found out we had shared BDSM interests, but the spark wasn’t there. That was kind of annoying but no big deal.

Some of the experiences were sad also. One person said an ex-partner used to beat them so badly that they’d get blood on the shirt that  couldn’t hidden from a daughter. That hiding the blood was the main concern was horrifying – that it was put up with it was truly sad and even worse. Their needs were to find love and a partner. My BDSM just didn’t rate and the trauma of disclosure was all in my head. Yet again.

Another person was genuinely lonely and struggling with life alone. For them the BDSM was exotic, odd, strange, but again nowhere near as important as all the normal relationship things.

The key takeaway I found was that if there is that spark of attraction, that feeling that there may be some hope of a relationship, the BDSM thing just wasn’t the deal breaker I thought.

How Is That First Date Going?

If it is going well but you’re not sure?

If you meet then have a first date with someone and the date is going well, what are the consequences of disclosing your particular BDSM needs? Any why hurry it?

If the other person is horrified or supportive and interested then those are simple consequences and you can terminate or move forward from there. No big deal, one date and you know where you are headed.

Frankly – if they are horrified and the date ends abruptly then it means you may have done it badly, and also most likely that person is not for you. If you didn’t disclose you’ll end up in denial and that is not great.

Also likely is that the person you are talking with won’t have much of an idea about BDSM and also likely is that you’ll not define it all that well in the stress of the moment. From there misunderstanding will rule and the outcome is probably far from what you want.

My suggestion? I’d wait for another date or two. Why hurry? Is there that spark of attraction? Has the relationship got legs, will it progress? If the answer is yes then you will know the person better, be in a better position to disclose and hopefully get a more positive response.

Of Course There Is More To this

I’ve focused on the BDSM side of dating – and that from my experience was only a small part of the equation.

Clearly other aspects were more imnportant.

Again my advice (and I can’t help myself) is to not get hung up on the BDSM side.

The real questions become if there is that spark of attraction and what are the things that each person brings into and wants out of the relationship both positive and negative.

I truly wish you well.

‘Trikki

Today Is Session Day

Just a quick post – in my excitement for my next BDSM session, here is the marker that today is the day.

Tawse Over Shulder

Yes. Here I go again.

My goodness she looks severe, these won’t be love-taps she give me.

In a few hours I shall be kneeling in front of mistress as she puts the XH tawse over her shoulder. My hands will be out front offered up for the leather to redden.

An upcoming post will hopefully provide some details and some emotional and mental health updates.

How many real life BDSM sessions featuring corporal and bondage do you read about?

BDSM sessions are extremely intimate and private making sharing a little out of the comfort zone, but with the best of intentions I say I will try.

What follows is a snippet from a proposed upcoming post. This is how I feel “now” just a few short hours prior to the session.

My previous BDSMsession with heavy corporal and belt bondage was 9 months ago, while the one before that was 4 months prior again.

During much this and last year the Covid virus ran rampant in the community with lock downs and restrictions being in force causing availability of the venue to be limited. In previous years I had averaged over 6 sessions a year with some years having many more.

Absence from the dungeon has consequences.

I miss it, I feel less stable and grounded. I fixate and my mental health deteriorates. This was initially hard to understand and describe, hard to come to terms with and even harder to admit to. But it is a consequence. My wife is so supportive and encouraging. She now actually tells me to have a session when she sees how I am feeling even though the whole thing is vastly uncomfortable for her.

Having sessions further apart means the corporal punishment I take is harder to endure, it seems to get in more as my body reacts more strongly. Yes, it is true, the tolerance for regular corporal punishment does increase when it’s received regularly.

Is the lower tolerance I have a bad thing? Since I go there for the out of body experience, the almost cathartic release that corporal, bondage and dungeon brings perhaps it is no bad thing. It is just more painful. I’ll get over it.

Also and not to be ignored is that having a session feels more exciting, much more exciting after a time away. The anticipation of a session is stronger with my imagination having a fine old time reliving memories and distracting me. It is not “meh, just another session” which is a feeling I’ve had in the past. This is the full mind and body experience of excitement and yes those silent quivers have kicked in.

Mental Health and BDSM

Mental Health - BDSM - Coping Strateges

All my life, this has been a serious issue for me. The tag line for this website “silent quivers, secret passions” should give a hint to this.

Mental Health

I have been struggling with my mental health in 2021 – and now that the end of the year is near I decided to do a series of post on this topic.

Yes, for me, depression is never far away. Sometimes I think I’m a high-functioning-depressive in that I try my best to ignore it, to wish it away, but in the end I know it is a losing battle.

I know when my mental health is declining, I start projects then stop them just short of finishing. I then end up with myriad really annoying things ‘that just need a little time’ to finish. But my mental state prevents me, and that annoys me and pushes my mental state downward in a spiral.

For that reason I’ll also give my coping strategies and of course, BDSM is at the heart of it all.

How To Give A Hand Strapping Or Tawsing

Hand Strapping And Tawsing

Being made to face our punisher is far more intimate and challenging than other forms of corporal punishment. Hand strapping and tawsing does just this.

The slave must watch the implement in front of him and forces him to accept it under the gaze of the one giving the punishment.

There is nowhere to hide.

Your eyes oscillate between her eyes and her strap. Which is worse?

How would you feel if it was your wife standing there with her heavy leather tawse? She tells you to put those naughty hands up then she proceeds to leather them to a deep red sheen despite your howls and protests.

Or worse, what if it was your mother, or mother in law?

Wife With Tawse

Strict and stern with a heavy leather strap. She looks at you then the command “hands up” comes.

The first one can be bad enough, then the command “hands up” means more is to come.

What follows is a “How To Give For Hand Strapping” description, with options, which applies equally for the tawse. This is from years of experience with this form of punishment and offers ways to enhance the experience for the benefit of all.

24 March2023 – reviewed, updated and more content added at the end.

Forgive me : My viewpoint is from a slave receiving a hand strapping from a mistress, a dominatrix or significant other. If you don’t fit that description then my apologies. Again, I can only write from experience.

Basic Equipment

The Strap The average household will usually have a belt that can be used as an adequate strap. For those more into the subject, there are many websites offering excellent straps designed for this use.

I’ve found much variation in belts and the way they feel. The solid leather kind, maybe an inch and a half wide is ideal. More narrow and thinner belts can be more ‘stingy’ while the thicker belts add more thud.

Avoid studs or similar as they can open the skin and cause damage.

The Tawse This is a little more specialized and you are recommended to purchase from a speciality online seller. Tawse range in severity with traditionally ‘XH’ being the most severe (the XH means extra heavy).

The thickness and stiffness of the tawse also give an indication of ‘thud’ or sting. The density, how solid the leather is promotes sting. I have an XH tawse that is not overly thick but the leather is extremely dense such that it feels more like a cane than something made out of leather.

Basic Technique

Delivering the stroke of the strap is simplicity itself, and the same technique applies to both the strap and tawse.

You may stand in front which makes the slave look at the stern expression and watch the implement be raised then poised over a shoulder. All the while the tableau in front of the slave adds to the experience.

Tawse Over Shulder

Here is a short example of a hand tawsing. I’ve not met this Mistress, but the clip is similar to my sessions.

Isn’t she stern, elegant and no nonsense. Notice that not a great deal of effort looks to be put in yet she does give a mighty impressive stroke. Six of the best from her would be just that; the best.

Standing side-on to the slave is also common. This way the strap or tawse licks across only one part of the hand which can be the palm, the junction of palm and fingers, or the fingers.

You can target one area or vary.

Each place can be brought into red heat with successive strokes or you may redden one area, swap hands to repeat, then swap to find a new area.

Side hand astrapping

When slave stands side on, slave may not be allowed to watch the strapping unfold. Your call. The slave may be told to look at a point on the wall then as the strap comes down, each searing stroke will be a painful surprise.

If slave takes pleasure or humiliation from a front-on strapping, then from the side it can add a layer of punishment all its own and change the whole dynamic. Denying the slave his fetish can be a special form of punishment.

This is not my favourite position, I prefer the front on technique. I relish the look of Mistress in fetish using her strap.

Mastering The Strap

There is a little more to using a strap (or tawse) than might be apparent at first reading.

One of the golden rules is to make sure the inside of,  and above the wrists are not hit. This is where all the veins are and significant damage can be done there.

I usually wear wide wrist cuffs in my sessions. Part of the reason is that I like the feeling of leather bondage, and part is that it protects my wrists from an errant stroke. If I’m visiting a new mistress this is an absolute must – though to date and after 17 years experience, wrist strokes have never been a problem.

Where you stand matters as this determines where the leather lands. If you stand too close then you run the risk of the strap lashing high up on the wrists and that is very bad. If you stand too far back then the strap won’t impact properly across the full length, or width, of the hand.

Remember. When the strap is delivered it is almost a given that the hand holding the strap will extend a little more. It pays then to stand a little further back. See a little furthe ron  about this.

The goal is for the strap to cover from the palm up to and along the fingers – for a front on strapping. And for a side strapping, for the strap to cover the width of the palm (or fingers etc) and no more.

When you bring the strap down the natural tendency, particularly if you are putting energy into it, is to lean forward. This will of course make the strap land a little further along than intended.

So the best technique I’ve seen is as follows and this example portrays it very nicely.

  • The Mistress is standing in front, the tawse is held at the end then it is flicked up to sit on the waiting palm. It is just short of where she wants it to land (it is hard to see).
  • The Mistress gets her range with that. She can see where the leather is sitting and tell where it should land.
  • Note how her elbow is just in front of her hips as the tawse sits on the fingers and not far up the palm.
  • The slave is naked and kneeling with the hand just below head height. This is a particularly subservient position. When the tawse sits on the palm, slave looks at the tawse and along it he sees the stern Mistress prepare.
  • There is a delay for the slave to appreciate the tawse, and the Mistress, and the whole dynamic.
  • Then Mistress lifts the tawse up, fairly high and with  her arm and elbow locked she brings the tawse down.
  • Watch the Mistresses shoulder. It does not move. She is rock steady as she brings her arm and the tawse down. She also doesn’t appear to put much effort into it, yet the crack is formidable. Part of it is that the tawse is quite long and that brings speed and speed brings the sting and thud.
  • Look closely at her arm and elbow. They are locked as she brings the tawse down. That makes the twin strap tails land just where she had it laying on the slave’s hand, with only a little bit of creep, so the leather covers the full length of the palm and fingers.

There are some variations to this theme that can work well also.

Here Are More Exaples

Here is Domina Scarlett.  She is an absolute expert with the tawse and you’ll see she is giving a hard tawsing.

Note how her arm is held differently to the previous example and there is some differentr upper body movement. Note also, she puts a lot more effort into her tawse, it whirs through the air delivering an absolute ‘best’ tawsing.

Here is Domina Scarlett again. This time she’s giving a medium-hard hand tawsing and again you can see her expertise on display.

Looking up “mistress hand tawsing” with your search engine will reveal many such videos.

Particularly strict and stern are Mistress Linda and Mistress Vanessa. Here they give a particularly long hand tawsing in this example, with varying styles and straps and tawse.

Judging The Effect

Just giving a hand strapping or tawsing is only part of the equation. It should be tailored to the recipient and what the required effects are.

There can be far more to the experience than “just” giving a hand strapping.

It can be extended in duration, or quick. There can be a warm up or it can be ‘full on’ from the first stroke. It can be painful in the extreme or it can be mild.

Sometimes a warm up will help a slave take a longer hand strapping. For this, use a less painful implement first then work up to using more force and then more painful implements.

For example, in my sessions Mistress starts with a simple school strap. This is about 14 inches long and an inch and a half wide and not very stiff at all. A six of the best of this is not greatly challenging but for me the visual is engrossing. This is for me a strong part of the experience. The visual of Mistress giving the strapping consumes me. If you have any kind of fetish thing happening, then a hand strapping is an ideal scenario to work that rather well.

When I’m getting a hand strapping, I can’t take my eyes off Mistress when she takes off then uses the end of her belt which is a little longer and a little wider than the schol strap. She uses that harder which challenges more, the belt moving through the air, poised over a shoulder. Seeing Mistress running it through her hands adds to the alure.

After this maybe another lighter tawse gets a workout with increasing intensity, then finally the XH tawse is brought down with force doubling me over my palm as I try to massage out the infernal heat.

That’s where it’s at for me, a warm up with lots of belts and straps from a Mistress in fetish leading up to full on tawse strokes.

If slave has a wide leather belt fetish, as I do, then the warm up is special, especially in watching Mistress take a belt off then use it, only to put it back on again.

Alternatively, if Mistress is wanting to extend me, wanting to really push my tolerance right from the start of session she can bring that XH tawse down with a hard stroke on my unblemished palm. That has devastated me in the past. I’m doubled over, gasping, trying to rub the sting out of the hand and failing. Then she says the dreaded words, said calmly and with authority, “hands up slave.”

The whole dynamic of the strict stern Mistress disciplining a slave works so well with hand strapping and tawsing.

But how do you judge the effect?

From experience there are four ways to judge how the hand strapping or tawsing is proceeding;

The crack of the leather is an effective barometer. How loud is it? How sharp? Did the leather land flat on the palm and or fingers and did the crack sound severe?

A tawse sounds more high pitched while the end of a wide belt is loud and maybe a little deeper. You can get a lot from listening to the sound.

The gasp from slave of a well delivered strap and tawse stroke says a lot, but it can hide the severity. Is slave over-reacting? Is slave trying to make you go lighter by exaggerating the effect? Perhaps the gasp is the least reliable indicator – and especially when gagged.

For myself, I’m an “endurer” and try to not show the severity of the strapping and tawsing. I want to take it. I need to take it. I try hard to hide how painful it it. Mistress of course sees this and knows I need it harder when I don’t react.

The Face of slave as the hand is strapped is highly instuctive.

Slave can grimmace, show shock, or try mighty hard not to show anything. But you will see.

If the effect is not there from a stroke, then you can say, “Not hard enough, I will repeat that,” and slave will know that the punishment needs to be felt.

The Hands will go red after a few strokes and after quite a few will start to shake. This can’t be faked. Shaking hands really are an indication that the strapping and tawsing has got into slave and the effect is being felt.

Spicing It Up

Depending on the reason for giving a hand strapping, you may wish to spice it up, to add that little bit of extra zing to the whole experience.

For a punishment hand strapping, you may elect to give the strokes quickly and firmly and for it to be over in less than a minute. You can give the strokes at only a few seconds interval so a six of the best takes less than half a minute, or a double sixer a little longer particularly if there is hand waving and some elements of distress (which there should be for a proper punishment hand strapping). This may be best for a slave who just needs to know his place, to be quickly corrected, or to have a maintenance that reinforces position.

Adding Bondage can enhance. For me, being bound with leather belts, straps, before, during and after a hand strapping really is effective. I feel the heat in my hand and can’t do anything but feel them. I also can’t self pleasure, can’t get out of the bondage, and must stay there and experience the effects in silence. If it is a punishment strapping or tawsing, then this really does enhance the experience.

Adding a collar is particularly effective. Anything round the neck I find has a profound effect, somehow being felt really quite deeply. It does give that feeling of being owned.

Which Is More Effective? If your slave is made to strip naked and forced to accept a due hand strapping, that reduces the slave to a subservient position and particularly when kneeling. The slave must look up at Mistress.

Getting the hands strapped reinforces echoes of times past and shifts the perceptions. Being naked can regress slave and make it more effective.

Or perhaps if  slave is dressed as per normal or perhaps dressed to suit the punishment and/or wearing items of clothing that reinforces position? If slave is in a suit and tie and the hand strapping is happening in the board room, then suddenly slave is not in charge and slave must quickly accept a due punishment. Or if the slave is your maid dressed in lovely demeaning frilly nickers and stockings then needs her hands reddened because she has misbehaved, that too can lend a delicious spice.

The Visuals Can Really Matter

Hand strapping can be done quickly then over. Or it can take more time and have elements of acting, or performance, orof other times worked into the strapping.

For me it is not just the hand strapping, it is a sull experience.

For whatever the reason the whole ritual matters. This reinforces the whole dynamic and cements position.

Hand strapping is very powerful that way, it allows the Mistress to doiminate in a unique way and for slave to have to endure and accept.

Flick the strap up onto the waiting palm to get your range. Let it lay there for a moment for slave to feel, to appreciate, to anticipate and maybe to dread.

Take your time unless giving a hard and fast punishment. Ritual is all – at least for me in my sessions.

Allow slave to look at the implement, make slave focus with a command ‘Look at me‘ or ‘look at the strap‘ to help focus the mind. You make slave aware of who is in charge.

You make slave aware of what is happening (and not as if that isn’t known) because saying it makes a difference. Saying it drives it home.

You must own time.  You command and control time, you grant time to the slave getting the strapping, you control where and when the slave is strapped.

Then moving back or forward and taking a position that ensures the strap lands as required, the strap is lifted over a shoulder.

With the leather poised, it is amazingly focusing for slave. The leather. The strict and stern disciplinarian. The open hand raised and on offer to the leather. Slave’s brain will be churning and wrapping it all together and know what is coming.

After a moment of concentration during which the leather is seen to be poised and ready, bring the strap down to crack just right onto the waiting palm.

Working The Fetish. Yes, it can be fetish related and maybe it should be for anything other than a punishment strapping.

Just seeing Mistress with the strap or tawse can really be a fetish experience. If there is a wide belt fetish (like mine) then seeing Mistress wearing it, using it, taking it off and putting it on again means something. Take this into account if you want the experience for your slave to be special.

Geese And Ganders

If you are in any uncertainty about the effect of a hand strapping or tawsing, then the only option is for you to trial it.

Yes. Have you had your hands strapped or tawsed? Do you know how it really feels?

Doing it is easy – but of course doing it with sufficient force is far more difficult.

My advice? Try it in front of a mirror. You will get a feeling for the pain and the humiliation of the whole thing – and may understand it all a little more.

Then imagine someone else is doing it to you. You must face them. With your hand out. Waiting for it.

You must watch the strap or tawse or belt being used on you.

Then will you be able to accept it with grace and dignity or will you break down, cry, scream, react in some way?

How embarrassing with that be?

Understanding Hand Strapping And Tawsing

I feel conflicted about it. It assaults my common sense and makes me wonder why it is a thing for me.

But I also know I need it. It grounds me like nothing else, it gets in deep into my psyche.

For me hand strapping and tawsing brings strong conflict between my logical self and my emotional self.

At some levels I have no idea why I’m drawn to it. I feel I shouldn’t be, yet I am. The thought of how it happens in a session seems so odd, yet when it is happening, it is so very almost natural and wanted.

Sorry. There are so many contradictions in there for me. And I babble!

I envy some people, and I have a few correspondents, who say they just want to relive their school experience. Some say they need it to feel the authority.

Yet I find it a peculiarly odd passtime, getting my hands strapped and tawsed in a BDSM session just seems, well, odd.

There I am naked and kneeling in front of a dominatrix and she is punishing me rather painfully. Yet I’m drawn to it time and again. We’re taught to avoid pain, right?

I don’t consider myself a masochist and I never get an erection in a session. Yet I’m called back to it time and again, strongly, like a magnetic attraction. The Mistress I see told me I should rethink that ‘I’m not a masochist’ thing as she says I clearly am.

Maybe to her I am. Maybe to me I just need to experience the whole thing. The theatre of it. The fetish. The indulgence in someone doing that to me and in front of me. I’ve always thought the pain is just a transport – something to push me into a different mind set. It drives out all other thoughts and it pushes me to be someone else. That is strong for me.

For others, my wife for example, she cannot understand the pain thing. To her it is foreign, alien, something she focuses on totally. To me, again, it is just a transport. It is a necessary transport as sessions that are not ‘heavy’ enough really aren’t satisfying to me. I don’t seem to get the same release.

A big part of it is that Mistress is dressed in fetish, stands in front of me and uses her belts, straps and tawse on me. The visual of that gets right into my fetish.

A part of me wants (or should that be needs) that embarrassment also. I hold my hand out and with the best of will and intentions she straps and tawses me hard till I can’t take any more. And I feel that embarrassment in front of her.

Going back in time getting the strap in school, in my pre-teen years I got my hands strapped at school. I don’t see this as drawing me in, making me want it again or giving me some kind of thrill at the time. If anything I find it difficult to talk about because of the embarrassment.

In years 4 and 5 at school I got my hands strapped two times in each year. Compared to some schools and experiences, this was not a lot.

Each time was one stroke of what I now look back on as a fairly simple piece of belt leather. It wasn’t split or thick or overly severe, maybe an inch and a half wide and a bit over a foot long.

Each time I was told to come to the front of the class, had to hold my left hand out then the teacher put the strap over his shoulder and brought it down. I remember the ‘crack’ of it landing on my palm and fingers was loud, but I also remember the utter embarrassment of getting “the cuts” as we called it was far worse.

I never liked it at all. In fact I hated it and tried hard to avoid it. Likewise the effect didn’t linger either, I felt no great hatred for the teacher or the event itself and the pain was gone fairly quickly. It was a short term painful and embarrassing experience.

The whole thing of getting the cuts at school was based around performance, doing the wrong thing, being disruptive and those kinds of things. We didn’t have to try hard to avoid it.

I remember staying over at a friends house some years later. He’d gone to a different school where the strap was in very common use . I remember him telling his mother he got the cuts at school and I felt so on-the-spot-nervous and embarrassed about it even though it had nothing to do with me. His mother was not in the least concerned – and I can’t remember what she said about it. The only impressions it left was in him telling his mum and her not reacting much.

Maybe that was the thing, then. I had some kind of a connection to it in some odd way, even at around age 10 or 11 that somehow deeply almost excited me in some way.