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Contradictions and Confessions in BDSM

Dominatrix

Even after having had so many BDSM pro-dom sessions since 2005 I still feel the contradictions within me. A war rages between the logical vanilla me and the kinky inner self that BDSM means so much to.

The end result is that I feel conflicted. I’m pulled inexorably like gravity toward BDSM while my logical self rebels.

Here are my thoughts and experiences on this.

Dom in Corset

The visual is so important, hitting hard at the fetish and the desires, making the mind wander. Fetish is all about the mind and our deepest secrets and passions.

In choosing a mistress the image is a powerful but very flawed motive. My experience is that the bio on the website is so much more important.

Rules for reading this : expect contradictions. That is where it’s at for me. I’ll be as plainly honest as possible.

Relationships are an issue. And at every level too. There I am in an office supervising a number of staff, and some time prior I’ve been stripped naked, in bondage, being strapped by a leather clad dominatrix with a very wide folded leather belt. It’s my own belt she’s worn then taken off and used on me, then put on again. All the time I’ve been ogling her, reveling in my wide belt fetish and the need for corporal punishment.

The contradictions in these times come to mind often. Imagine what my staff would think and say if they saw me in a session? And yes, I am precious about this.

Sure, these are vastly different times, vastly different in every way but I do feel that contradictory nature within my self in these situations.

My wife knows of my sessions. She doesn’t like it much but she knows I need it and am better for them. She knows there is no sexual contact and I’m not cheating on her. She knows I love her and she loves me. But I feel the tension, almost a disappointment in her voice when, yet she even suggests it at times, that I have a session when my need is obvious. Then when that time comes around again I keenly feel the conflict – the diversion from a normal-vanilla relationship that my sessions give me.

I do love her more for accepting my need, and I hate the thought of disappointing her for my strange (to her) needs.

Time changes everything. The longer I go without a session the more it feels normal and reasonable. I feel it pulling me in, my mind rationalizing how normal and fine it will be to be in the dungeon again stripped, strapped and caned.

Then when the session is over I’m floating. My brain is in a different space and I love it. Everything else is banished.

When I walk out of the dungeon I feel the relief and am at peace with the world. I really don’t feel the need for BDSM, it is so deeply slaked. The thought of another session does not appeal at all.

That lasts a while. Then after a few weeks my special needs start to return. What was once, after the session, something I really don’t need becomes more and more important.

I’ll admit to being ornery and cantankerous.

And that happens and gets worse because I need a session!

If my staff knew, they’d be sending me off with a note for misress to make it extra hard every few weeks when the grumps set in.

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Newbies Hand Strapping Tawsing Session

Are you considering a pro-dom BDSM session that includes a hand strapping or hand tawsing?

Do you feel the need to be told to hold out your hand by a leather clad dominatrix? Do you yearn to watch her run the punishment implement, a leather strap that is maybe split once or twice into the traditional form of the Scottish Tawse through her hands as she stands in front of you?

Do you feel the need to endure the searing pain as the leather strap descends onto your palm and fingers and at the same time feel embarrassed, shamed, humiliated as the dominatrix waits for you to raise your hand for the next stroke? She commands you “hands UP” then you must raise them as she runs the tawse through her hands. Again. And Agan.

Have you been a naughty school boy or girl and need to be punished like this by the strict mistress? Will she be a governess, an auntie, the sexy milf next door or as it is for me, the strict leather clad dominatrix?

I do.

This is my story with anecdotes and suggestions you may consider during your pre-session discussion with a dominatrix.

Side On Hand Strapping

“Hands UP,” Mistress says, then the strap lays on the palm, getting the range, letting you know where it will so soon come cracking down hard.

The inevitability of it, the tension, the exquisite pain to come all combine.

My First Hand Strapping in 2005

Long after it happened, my first pro dom session in 2005 is still very much in my mind. It highlighted so many things, the main one being my inexperience.

There I was standing in front of the first ever mistress I’d met wearing a leather hood and (as mentioned previously) I was naked and absolutely nervous about the whole experience. I was the total and complete newbie.

The challenges for me to be in this position were astronomical. Every part of the experience cut to the core of my upbringing, and also to my secret passions that I’d denied for decades.

When she gave be three crisp strokes of her split strap to my hand, commanded me to raise my other hand, then strapped that similarly I had thought, well, ‘that’s over what’s next’ – for a just moment.

I stood with slightly reddened palms. But not for long.

Of course what was next was the order, “Change Hands” (again)  then I had to raise my hands in order again, time after time till they’d each received six sets of three each from 2 different implements.

Then when mistress asked me, “Is That Enough Slave?” I said truthfully, “Yes Mistress,” which ended badly.

I was told “NO SLAVE IT IS AS MISTRESS WISHES. HANDS UP SLAVE” then she gave me another six of the best, harder. Damn.

That was a lesson in slave-mistress dialog, power exchange and domination I have never forgotten.

In hindsight, the strokes weren’t all that hard but there were so many of them I wondered when it would end. Thinking about that, now, for a newbie this was pretty much ideal. The whole leather fetish, strict mistress, hand strapping thing should last.

Why would you want a part of a session that you’d fixated on for so long to be over quickly? Prolonging it, making it last, really is a good thing.

Back to my memories of my first hand strapping; it felt ‘right’ in that I got what I needed, probably more than I wanted and it pushed all the buttons.

Sure, it hurt just as it should and that is of course part of the whole thing. But the pain was the smallest part of it, and a large part in the whole in the contradictory nature of BDSM corporal punishment. The pain was and remains essential. It challenges, it focuses and it dominated. It engulfs, it brings the entire psyche into focus as the dominatrix plies per trade and the slave takes the punishment. Without the pain the whole thing would feel pointless, without any real substance.

As the strapping progressed, my hands got more and more red and they started to shake.

The first implement was split leather strap but wasn’t really a tawse to my way of thinking now. It was a short wide piece of leather with a leather handle, and the leather happened to be split into two tails over an inch wide. It was more like a short split leather paddle than a tawse.

The second implement was a folded leather belt I’d brought with me. Mistress had given me an over the knee spanking and used that as well, and she of course used it to strap my hands. I remember this as being more challenging as it was a little more narrow and also longer so the end got up more speed.

These were my first experiences in 2005.

The Pre Session Discussion

Where I failed in  my first session was in the pre-session discussion.

Good sessions happen because of good communication. Great sessions happen when there is great understanding.

For a clueless newbie like I was, this presented a number of challenges. I didn’t really know what I wanted other than “a hand strapping” and I had no idea about implements, how to stand, how many strokes and what type of mistress I wanted.I had brought my own strap, well, a belt that the buckle had broken and discarded. It was a little long (the mistress said) so she doubled it over and wrapped her hand once to shorten it which in itself was a visual delight.

In my ignorance I (probably) assumed there weren’t any options. How wrong I was.

Then and of course, the elephant in the room for me was that I was talking to a real life dominatrix in a BDSM dungeon. This was in another dimension to my comfort zone but spot-on for me first-time fetish experience.

So for a newbie, what would I recommend?

The absolute golden rule to remember is that mistress is not a mind reader. She needs to know what you want, what you need, before she can make it happen.

First of all you must understand your need  -or- discuss it to get some ideas .

You should discuss it in a way that the person who does not know you will understand so that she can craft the best possible experience just for you.

If you don’t know what you want (which was me for my first session) then it is more difficult. In that case I should have said I didn;t know. I should have asked questions. I am sure mistress would have made suggestions.

Even after a decade and a half, I still find this challenging. These are such secret and private things in me that exposing them to anyone goes against a life of kept secrets. Yes this is stupid, if I can’t tell the person I am engaging to live out these experiences then that means it will probably not work well.

Ideally you will have chosen an experienced dominatrix who understands hand strapping and tawsing and has it as a stated speciality. Hand strapping and tawsing is a common thing but of course finding out if the person you are to see is OK with it and has experienced in it is mandatory. Ideally also she listens, is empathetic to your needs and is able to read your reactions and body language as the session proceeds to make it a great session.

Things to discuss;

The type Of Implement matters. It does for me and I have so many of my own. I ask that a strap that is reminiscent of the type of school straps that were in vogue when I was in grade school is used first. Then after that another few types of straps. Then after that there are two tawse, one relatively mild and the other quite severe ate used. This starts easy and then gets harder and harder as it progresses. I have some belts I like the mistress to use also and how they are used – folded or just the end etc.

Is it to be one implement or many? As above and for me, it is many, usually six of each and sometimes more. The school strap is easy to take and so mistress not seeing a reaction form me, usually gives me more and harder while the XH tawse at the end is supremely painful even with just one stroke.

How Many Strokes and how delivered? Short and sharp or prolonged and slow? Mistress stands in front of me and my hand is raised so the strap lashes down along the palm then the fingers fro front on. This I find to be particularly effective and also rather embarrassing, or demeaning, or challenging. Pick a word. Here I am a fully grown man submitting to this – and I know I need it – it just really gets into me.

Severity? This is of course important as too light and I feel let down and cheated, too severe and well, it is unbearable yet I must lift my hand up for the next stroke.

Is there a reason you need a hand strapping? For me there is not. For others there can be an invented reason, some transgression or mis-deed. You need to make it plain what you want.

The theatre matters a lot to me. I like to be told to raise my hand. I like to be told I am going to get a hard strapping, a hard tawsing and this is what I need. I like to hear it said as it happens. Also, I like to watch the mistress as she raises the strap, puts it over a shoulder then prepares. When the mistress takes a few gentle strokes o just let the leather sit on my palm before pulling it away then using it, that is a kind of tease that really gets into me.

What type of mistress? This matters and of course you can ask for whatever you feel is right for you. For example it can be a school type session, you can be commanded loudly, or be given a quiet yet strict mistress, or even the “mom” experience.

With mistress standing in front of you in fetish, with an implement in her hand raised to use, it is the most intimate form of BDSM.

Mistress with implement raised

My Sessions Now

It has been a long journey into BDSM for me. I’ve learned a lot, changes a lot, and collected a large amount of gear.

One piece of advice I would give is to think about getting your own gear. Not all mistresses have a wide range of straps and tawse. Having your own does make it easier.

Red Hood Hand Strapping

Been there, had that. This was very much my first ever hand strapping. The mistress flicked her strap up onto the palm to let me feel it before.. I felt it for real.

The anticipation, the fetish, feeling the hands get more and more red and burning.

Here Is One Of My Session Plans

I’ve had a lot of sessions since 2005 and now I find myself changing them each and every time. Sometimes I ask for a cold caning and prison strapping at the start, sometimes a more standard progression of corporal and bondage.

Here is a typical pre-session request;

“Please mistress, can we split the session into four parts.”

This is how I start off. This seems to work best for heavy corporal with hand strapping and the bondage that I like.

“For the first part, I’ll put myself into belt bondage then be kneeling when you enter. You wear my wide leather belts then use the straps then tawse to give me a hand strapping. Start off with the lighter school strap, then a longer strap, take a belt off and use that, then the lighter tawse then the heavy XH tawse to finish me off.“

I ask her “please gag me after using a few implements.“

Being gagged drags it all home to me, pushes me deeper into the whole BDSM / Slave / Mistress thing. Same as wearing a collar and the belt bondage I put myself into.

Before mistress enters I’ll have arranged the straps and belts on the floor for mistress to work though them.

“For the second part please mistress, put me into suspension, my wrist cuffs onto the suspension bar. Then work though the belt, very little arm up, hard. Take one off, use it, put it back on. Use the heavy strap. At least a dozen from each side and make them hard, make me gasp and react. Maybe give me six of the best from the prison strap.“

Harder belt strokes on a not warmed up butt sting initially, quite a lot. It pushes me hard, forces me to accept the strapping. Standing with my wrists pulled up high, and with belts wrapping my legs and waist I can’t move and that is a huge plus. I just love belt bondage.

“For the third part please mistress, bend me over the bondage bench with my hands bound in front. Use some straps, then walk in front and un-bind my hands, tell me to hold them out and give me a hand strapping or tawsing. Just a six’er. Maybe a belt, maybe the XH tawse. Then bind them again and go back to strapping me from behind nice and hard. Repeat that a few times. Finish this part off with a hard prison strapping then a sound caning.”

After all this strapping to my butt, it’s probably getting a bit de-sensitized. Maybe it is getting a bit leathery and the belt and straps are easy to take. Finishing with a hard caning really is best as when used hard it does get in. I feel that. Mistress (the really good one I’ve been seeing) senses where I am pain wise and tolerance wise, then adjusts the session and the caning to suit. If I’m taking it easily she’ll go harder and vice versa. If she’s using something I’m really feeling I want more of I’ll push my butt out a little in a challenge to ask for more and harder.

For example, I like the mistress to wear two of my favorite made to order 2 inch wide solid leather belts. The black one is standard belt thickness and quite supple. The brown belt is thicker and much more thuddy. Mistress may use the XH tawse on my butt which really is all about sting and pushes me. Then she might take off the black belt and give me a dozen from each side (hopefully). I find this almost dreamy pleasing after the tawse and I’ll often push my butt out for more which he will sometimes grant, or give me an ‘insolence caning’ of six of the best which is just as she should.

The final part is the shortest. Only a few minutes.

“Please mistress after the final caning, take me off bending over the bondage bench, put me onto my knees and give me a hard hand strapping and a final of six of the best of the XH tawse.“

I know this is really going to challenge me to the max. The XH tawse used with any strength bends me over rubbing my hands wondering how in hell I can take any more. When mistress straps me hard, as she does, this is from the very first stroke. And I know I won’t be wanting it. And also I know I will be devastated with each stroke and wanting it to be over. But before the session with the way I’ve been feeling I ask for it.

Also, and the times I’ve had session like the above, the final hand strapping really is at the limit of my endurance. Also I feel disappointed when it’s all over. I struggle to take the corporal then I’m sad when it’s over. I feel the duality and the contradictions of this.