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Just last week I got a very pleasing email from a reader. He asked me to reply, which I did. He also asked to reply a few times in case his spam catcher binner my reply into his spam folder.

So far I’ve replied 3 times and no response?

Did he get it? Did the spam catcher bin me?


Amusing. With another website I curate, I’d forgotten some basic settings. When I came back after a few months there were literally over 35,000 spam messages. I had to download a special tool to delete them. any valid emails in there would have been lost.

That was damned annoying and why I hate spammers. It is also why if we get our emails binned, we understand. That’s life!

Play happy

Session Mistakes – Tawse and Belt Fetish

Rookie Mistakes in a BDSM Session

I made 2 mistakes in my last BDSM session. Both were totally my mistake and both speak to the deepest inner needs, my ability to communicate them and how I interact with the mistress.

Assumptions Do Not Make Good BDSM Sessions.

Both mistakes were because of my poor pre-session discussion with mistress.

Hand Strapping And Tawsing

Hand strapping and tawsing is a thing for me.

In every session at the start of the session I kneel in front of mistress then she uses a succession of straps and tawses on me.

Each feels different. Mistress progresses through the mild school strap, to the more stinging straps, to the more mild tawse and then the super painful XH Lochgelly replica.

All parts of the experience are special.

Ms Tawse

‘HANDS UP,’ she demands. Then up close and personal the tawse descends.

Mistress standing in front of me, telling me she is going to strap me, telling me she is going to taws me is special.

She tells me to hold out my hand then she applies the strap or tawse, slowly, carefully, with plenty of tease.  She is close, right in front of me and the imagery, the whole scene is hugely BDSM fetish erotic.

For me with the mistress wearing wide leather belts, this is a core part of every session.

AND I FORGOT to ask mistress for this in my last session. How stupid was that! It was my assumption.

A Mistress in Wide Leather Belts

At the start of session, mistress put on my wide belts. One went round her waist, the other like a bandolier over her shoulders then running down between her breasts to sit on a hip.

It is a great image, and she did it the same way on the previous session in November 2020.

Huge Brown Belt

Is there any such thing as a ‘too wide belt’?

My mistake was in not asking her to put the belt back on after she used it. She was wearing a leatheer corset which looked great, but the belts made it look even better to me.

In the previous session, she took a belt off, told me how hard she was going to use it, told me I was going to get a belting, the strapping of my life… then she did it. After that she folded the belt in half and put it onto a bench. After she’d used both, she was belt-less.

Exactly the same happened in this session. It was fantastic and I’ll abslutely be asking for that again, but the belt on the bench was a fail.

Pre-Session Discussion Fail

So you see I made two mistakes and both were in the pre-session discussion. With 16 years of experience, I fell for this rookie mistake. I assumed.

I didn’t put enough emphasis on the pre-session discussion.

When I enter the establishment I talk with mistress for a few minutes and we discuss what I want to happen. She inputs some ideas, clarifies some points, then we move to the dungeon and it happens.

For this session I’d been fixating on a cold caning and a cold prison strapping. Mistress on hearing this was quite rightly wanting to know more of what I’d been thinking so we discussed it more than anything else in the session. A cold caning really does require a lot of commitment to the whole BDSM thing and there is a lot of trust required.

So two assumptions were made; mistress assumed the hand strapping and tawsing at the start were to be skipped and I’d be straight into suspension for the cold caning and strapping. I assumed mistress would give me the hand strapping and tawsing I’d had with her in every other session.

The other mistake I made was in not asking mistress to put the belt she was using  back on after using it.

Why did I not ask this? She’d done it last session. I should have known she would repeat.

The Pre-Session Discussion Is Difficult

I like the mistress. She gives me such excellent strappings, tawsings and canings. And doesn’t that sound strange!

Mistress works hard, she takes the session seriously and she makes every effort to make it special. She makes me feel there is something of a bond between us, a connection. Having that feeling is a delight.

But even with that connection and even after 16 years of having regular sessions I find the pre-session discussion difficult.

Part of it is my decades of secrecy asserting itself. I am so used to keeping this whole thing secret, I struggle to tell anyone about it.

It is also because I don’t want to be too specific, taking away spontaneity which really can be super special.

I want the session to be spontaneous, yet I want specific things. Clearly this poses a problem. Mistress is not a mind reader, much as I wish it.

I feel that in making too many suggestions to mistress, I don’t want to disrespecting or be criticising her. If I tell her something she can do better, I don’t want her to think she had made a huge mistake in a previous session.

Rules For A Great BDSM Session

A well equipped BDSM dungeon offers so many options for your session.

Mistress will also have ideas and options. She will be experienced and have personal preferences.

But it is your session.

But how do you get the best possible session?

The BDSM Dungeon

So many options!

In writing this, I am saying to myself what I should be doing, not necessarily what I have done in the past. But it is based on years of experience and introspection.

Rule-1Plan your session. Break it up into just a few parts. Keep it simple! I have a “start”, “middle split in two” then an “end part.”

Rule-2keep it brief yet succinct. Give mistress an outline and highlights for each part of the session. You must say what you want, and what you don’t want.

Rule-3assume nothing. Even if it has happened in every previous session, and you want it, request it. If you don’t ask it is likely you won’t receive it.

Rule-4 – mistress is not a mind reader. Plan your session. Go back to Rule-1.

Have a great session!