In my early teens I started experimenting with self bondage and leather straps. It was something I did intuitively and without prompting or any form of information available to me at the time. All I knew was that I enjoyed it a lot. Over time this became part of my BDSM sessions and embraces my wide belt fetish.
Of Bondage And Bliss
I find it blissful being in bondage. There is something about it that transcends normal consciousness. And more. Read on!
Bondage and discipline are easy to misunderstand and even easier to not have a clue as to where the appeal is. I know it and many times I have wondered at this myself. But at the end of the day and for those so inclined we only do it because it feels good in some way.
A definition of bondage I saw is;
‘The act of tying parts of a person to get or give sexual satisfaction’
Well, that’s pretty accurate and equally superficial and short sighted. It doesn’t help understand the experience from other perspectives nor understand the drive that makes it call out to some people. It also heavily sexualizes it which I can promise from personal experience, is only part of the picture, part of the allure.
I’ll be equally unhelpful in saying;
‘the desire for bondage is something that is within a person, it appeals, it calls, it fills a need and it satisfies’
And that criticism is from my own five decades of personal experience. But again that just sits on the surface and is quite frankly, pretty darned obvious. We wouldn’t do it unless we enjoyed it, or, and there is a significant distinction here, unless we need it.
Bondage Comes In Many Forms
It can happen at home or other places and may use any number of methods; rope, chain, handcuffs, leather, plastic wrap, rubber etc. The central point being that it is designed to restrict and to force the recipient to submit, to be immobile and to take what is given.
What Is Bondage In BDSM?
First and most importantly, it is done between willing participants and in a safe and sane environment. That is rule number one.
Bondage in BDSM is the act of being tied up, tying up someone else, or tying up yourself in which case it is called self-bondage. The whole idea is to immobilize, to restrict movement, to deny the ability to move in some way. That is what is done and pretty much fits in with most definitions.
Perhaps that is the least of it. Far more importasnt are other aspects. The tying up is just the ‘transport’ to the experience, the enabler.
The why of it is more difficult to explain. I find it deeply moving, deeply satisfying and a profoundly satisfying personal experience when done the way I like it. Others may hate it, finding the constriction impossible to bear and the whole concept either demeaning or intensely scary. For the bondage enthusiast it is none of that, it is deeply enjoyed.
It can deeply affect a person. Restricting their liberty at the superficial level changes perspectives and world views that we are born and grown up with. Suddenly that all changes. Bondage shifts your viewpoint, shifts your world perceptions and sense of place. You are no longer in control.
If you are a control freak type person or dominant in normal and everyday life then being in heavy bondage challenges that significantly at a level that challenges you in every way. All of a sudden you are not in control, not the person dictating terms. All of a sudden you are the victim and must endure the situation you are not in control of. That can be of course massively challenging, or it can be extremely cathartic that in relinquishing control you are relieving stress.
For others who are submissive, it pulls them further into their submission. They quietly accept it, testing their bonds, moving gently against them to feel the limits of their movement and relish in the control by someone else. If they have a strong fetish and that is used in bondage then the experience is even better. It reinforces the whole submission experience and leads them to the endorphin rich sub-space experience.
Bondage works so well with fetish and can equally be a fetish. In particular, rubber, handcuffs, leather, rope, chain can all be incorporated with bondage. If these are part of a fetish, it all works really well together.
The setting matters. This of course works at the level of fetish and sex-play. This starts the experience and just makes it stronger. In BDSM dungeons there is usually specialized equipment for bondage as well. Examples are a vacuum bed, a bondage bench that is fitted with many straps to hold a victim down.
Common also is the St Andrews Cross, found in most dungeons. This is a large wooden cross a victim can be tied to using rope or straps etc. Also common are suspension winches. These use a steel cable to lift the victim up, usually after being restrained to the end of a cable looped through a pulley on the ceiling then down to a metal bar. This lifts the victim onto their feet and even off the floor for the master or mistress to do as they want.
In the first dungeon I went into there was a stretching bench. This was basically a medieval rack featuring a lot of black leather. The victim would be strapped down then the wrists and ankles would be pulled in opposite directions to stretch the victim out. I never tried it but I can imagine the effect.
Also in the first dungeon I was in there was a “spine” also known as a “fish-bone harness” which is made up of a leather strap that runs from the neck to the ankles. Affixed to that are about a dozen more wide leather straps that circle the body. For the belt fetishist, the leather fetishist, the bondage from that is particularly good. All those straps circling the body really do have an effect. Over the years, this has sadly proven to be an uncommon device.
Bondage And Fetish Work Together
Self bondage with timed release locks, leather cuffs and other means feed a fetish so well. To escape the real world and immerse yourself into fetish driven bondage is prodfoundly satisfying.
Bondage with willing play partners can add a level of escape and eroticism that is hard to beat.
What Does Bondage Really Do?
There are a few answers to this. The simple is pretty obvious in that it feels good and relaxing and maybe arousing. But past that, the effects are maybe not so obvious.
It works at many levels. Simply put, bondage makes the victim available, to submit, to become passive and unable to change what is about to happen. This has profound and multiple affects on a person getting deep into their psyche. It changes the way we see the world. It breaks all our conditioning. It forces on us a different world view.
But above all else, it feels good.
Again that is obvious but it misses the real point which is so obvious; bondage releases the victim from control. The victim can only be in bondage and accept what is done and suddenly, especially if gagged and collared, bondage shifts perceptions and is a vastly different experience from real life.
What is often misses is the way bondage is done. This can significantly enhance the experience, feeding fetishes and the needs for submission and or domination. These are all very internal, very person specific, but they are also very real. These are the inner reasons.
For an ‘alpha’ type person in bondage this can be huge. All of a sudden the ability to control is gone, all of a sudden their whole way of life it tipped on its head and they must submit. That submission can get deep inside, deeply affect, and bring about a cathartic release like nothing else.
To be in tight bondage, gagged, collared and unable to move can be punishing. It can hurt after a while with cramps and from being so constricted. All the time you squirm against the restraints but you can’t change the outcome – you are bound to stay, until released.
You submit. You become submissive.
Then when it’s over you feel refreshed and relaxed and happy. Then some time later you need it again because you remember that release, that lifting of tension. At least that is what I
There Are So Many Options
For me it started with tying up my wrists with leather luggage straps. Then I added more to my ankles. Then over the years more was added.
What you do and how you do it is all up to you. Some people like rope, chain, handcuffs etc.
You can do as little or as much as you want of course.
Meditation And Yoga Similarities
I have never done yoga, but I have done meditation over the years.
For me, with a guided meditation session in a group, I found myself almost limp with the deep after effects of just letting go and submerging my personality.
After a good session of bondage I find strong similarities and the words ‘just letting go’ apply equally. I find myself vastly more relaxed and at peace with the world. As I lay in bondage my perceptions change and shrink. There is only the here and now and as I feel the bondage, feeling the leather straps and feel how I am restrained I just regress.
So for me there is a strong similarity to meditation. There is that same sense of release even without any sexual element or orgasmic release.
Corporal In Bondage
So many things work with bondage. Corporal punishment is one such.
This takes it all up a notch and is what I particularly like, or need. I have been having pro-dom BDSM sessions for over fifteen years and they are all about bondage and corporal working together.
At the time in a session when I am in bondage the mistress gives me corporal punishment. She uses straps. tawse, belts, canes on me that leave welts for maybe a week. They aren’t gentle love taps. They are full on corporal punishment. And I love it, I come back for it regularly.
When the session starts I am feeling the bondage, moving against the straps. Then after the first stroke, I feel the burn of the impact, the sting penetrating into me and I’m powerless to change it. I writhe in bondage, feeling the restraint straps and it gets in deeper.
As the session proceeds, this immersion of my head space in submission, into a different reality gets stronger and stronger.
I can’t move in bondage as the mistress gives me corporal punishment, the pain ramps up as I accept it. I feel the bondage, I feel the corporal, and it works so well together.
Then there is a moment when it all fades, the pain “just is there” but is not dominant as I move past it. I transcend it. The pain is just a mechanism I ride to deeper feelings of release and submission as I move inward.
At the end of the session there is usually a caning that cuts deep into me. Each stroke is felt, each is hard and brings me back from my head space, then pushes me back again. As i move against the bondage straps, I accept it, I take it in. Then I push my butt back for the cane and invite more.
Being Gagged And Collared
Where on your body you are bound can change the whole experience significasntly.
I find that gags and collars are partiocularly evocative and affect me significantly.
The soft inner wrists when wrapped with a firm leatheer cuff or a belt feels strong. So can being blindfolded but that is not strong for me – though I can understand it.
Bit I find gags and collars particularly strongly.
A gag stops the ability to control via communication, to change or alter what is happening. When it is strapped into the mouth, unable to be released, it is absolutely an enhancing part of the bondage experience. It makes the victim vulnerable. It forces submission, it goes against and denies what the victim is able to do at all other times, to control and command. It is a strong part of the whole experience, of submission.
Being gagged can be very intrusive and something you cannot get any way else. It can feel like a punishment, it can feel annoying, it can feel so damned strong. You want to talk, to say something and can’t. You can fight it, you push against the gag but you can’t change it.
A collar round the neck gives a feeling of submission and vulnerability. It can be very strong. Putting one on changes everything and particularly after the first few times, it becomes almost a conditioned response. Necks are sensitive both in sensation and also the way they are linked to our sense of vulnerability and survival.
Warning; Anything around the neck is to be careful of as a choking hazard (take this seriously folks) but a collar put on firmly (no, no, no, not tight) seems to focus the mind and strengthen that sense of vulnerability.
Together they multiply the experience. Together, to be collared and gagged feeds the mind, shifts it, feeds the fetish, pushes the senses deeper into the whole experience.
The Self Bondage Experience
This is how I started, and was all I had for many decades. I found it particularly satisfying but also frustrating. Knowing that I could get out of bondage when I wanted went against the whole thing and reduced the excitement.
I did this for decades starting from my very early teens. It happened in a time of zero exposure to the concepts of bondage, to sexuality, to anything of this ilk whatsoever. Yet I did it.
My immediate reaction after I’ve put myself into bondage has been to close my eyes and lay back. My brain seems to slow down, I feel the straps binding me, I feel the gag and the collar, and my world shrinks to my inner self and what is happening. Reality receeds. I like to move against my bindings, to experience them, to acknowledge their presence and that are keeping me in bondage
Since I like wide leather belts, straps, as I move against them I feel the chafing against my skin, and because I loop them together as best I can, moving one moves others and that feels so good. This feeds my feiths and it all works together (a common thing for me).
Yet at the same time I feel like I have expanded, I have pushed myself into a new dimension that has opened up and accepted me.
Most of all, I feel happy, satisfied, complete, home, released, relaxed.
Sexuality And Bondage
There is a huge element of this at times, and at others zero sexual elements of arousal.
It is so common for sex in bondage to be portrayed in film and literature now. Thanks to the Fifty Shaes there is often a reference to kinky sex and usually a partner being in bondage, tied the bed kind of thing, and then an erotic time had. Yay, fun times!
In my BDSM sessions with a mistress I am in bondage for most of the session, there is no orgasm, no touchng, no fondling or other type of sexual arousal stimulation, but there is a lot of corporal punishment.
But in my early days I most certainly did orgasm and my first ever orgasm happened when I tied myself up with leather straps.
Is It Sexual – is it only for sex?
I can only speak for myself. The answer is not clear. It can be both sexual and also non-sexual. As I have got older, the sexual and orgasm elements have reduced.
Sure, I have done a lot of reading. So many people without first hand experience in their lives tend to analyze from the comfort of the easily understood idioms. Choosing a simplistic cover all answer makes “understanding” easy if you say “it is all about sex or sexual gratification” – but I think that’s just superficial and gives the writer a cop-out.
You want a holiday each year, or more often, right? It is nice to get away, de-tox and tune out for a week or two. If you don’t get it, you get cranky and focus on the last holiday and wish for another. Not having bondage in my life causes a similar feeling of angst, or loss, or of something missing. A good bondage session provides a similar level of peace and release to a holiday
Sex may well be at the heart of bondage for me, but I just don’t feel it. Others may read this and think I’m delusional, maybe I am, but I don’t usually get an erection in bondage. I feel a sense of personal release, a lessening of my sense of self, I feel a simple transport out of there here and now. I feel myself focus on the bondage and nothing else unless there is some corporal happening.
If sex were at the heart of my bondage needs I’d have stopped a decade ago.
But there is a stong culture of sex with bondage. The allure of being tied up then used for sex, taken, to give up control and be submissive for a dominant partner can be very strong for many people. And vice versa, to be dominant then tie up your partner sure will have an appeal for many.
To each their own!
But it is more than that and especially for me.
Imagine I said mountain climbing was all about sexual gratification, or scuba diving? Both are absolutely totally immersive in the way participants get into them, they way they engage, the way it sits in their psyche. But I doubt there is any sexual gratification happening. They do however bring a release, a way of relaxing and releasing tension, escaping the real world.
For scuba diving and though I don’t do it, I can almost feel the relaxation of being underwater, deep in the sea, swimming with the life there and experiencing it all. The office, customers, financial issues, relationship issues all fade away. There is only the activity and the experience.
For me bondage started out in a sexual way, but I didn’t realize it initially. It wasn’t a sexual drive that brought me to it, it was more ‘I think I’d like to try this’ kind of thing. To this day and many decades later I still wonder at why I did it that first time. The only answer is ‘it felt good.’
Sure, I had my first orgasm while in self bondage and in my very early teens. It was initially embarrassing to me, I thought I’d wet the bed, but the pleasure drew me back time and again and usually over the next decade or two I did get sexual release. It became sexual.
Over the years bondage became a masturbation aid, a means to get off by myself. Yet it also felt so deeply nice, I felt so happy with it, so fully immersed. But that masturbation faded so that the pure bondage experience in self bondage dominates.
Said in a different way…it was more than sexual and even the first time it was more than just the climax. The climax came out of nowhere and was a total surprise. I could relax and escape in bondage like in no other way. I felt release from everything, from life, and I felt I really needed it. I felt it was something that I just had to do and couldn’t control that need. Sure I could deny it but that just had adverse effects on me and it festered.
There is Much Bliss In Bondage
There sure is for me.
It can have a level of sexual eroticism working with fetish and sexuality to produce profoundly pleasing experiences.
It can also be experiened outside a sexual setting almost as a therapeutic aid or practice to produce a wondeful release from tension and stress.
Above all else, it can be just plain fun, nice, an experience that is enjoyed.
I hope it is for you.