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Forum – thinking it through

The Silent Quivers Forum - Thoughts

I’m toying with adding a forum. A simple WP plugin.

** Please use the contact form if you are interested!!!!!

Why Add A Forum?

I’m thinking of it as a safe space to come to terms with any issues, to talk and think things through and discuss with like minded people.

Do you have an issue? Bring it here in privacy and safety to get feedback.

Why Not Add A Forum?

Spam, trolls, time taken, abuse, phishing, grooming, rudeness, revenge – are things that really don’t belong here. They won’t be tolerated. How much of this rubbish would I get? Can I get helpers to ease the load?

Sarcasm is something I frown on. If you can’t express yourself properly then join the club. Have a go. Sarcastic responses will get what they deserve – the bin of shame.

Ridicule is the big brother of sarcasm Expect to be banned.

Maybe the forum won’t get any users. Hey – that would make it easy – just turn it off.

What Benefits?

  • Make contact
  • Seek acceptance
  • Listen to other stories and life experiences
  • Buy and sell

What Rules?

  • Inclusive
  • Politeness
  • Privacy
  • No rudeness
  • No snuff/underage/harmful content
  • No ads / spam / trolls

I think that summ sit up – please let me know any thoughts.

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Why Visit A Dominatrix

Why Visit A Dominatrix?

How many people do you know who have admitted to visiting a dominatrix?

Well you can add 1 to that – as I have done so regularly for 15 years now – and counting.

Here is my take on it all.

The First Time - The Balancing Act

The walk of 7 yards from the sidewalk to the front door was the longest journey of my life. It had taken over thirty years and much anguish to make.

The culmination of that walk, knocking on the front door then being greeted by a dominatrix remains one of the most exciting times of my life. It required me to leave behind many preconceived misconceptions and to accept that my inner needs were real. I had to come to terms with myself in a way I had never before considered.

Now, over 15 years later I am glad I made that walk. It released me from the worst of my inner turmoil, helping me on my life journey.

Are you considering indulging in a pro-dom BDSM session? Are you scared (I was) and yet excited (me too)? Then I totally sympathize.

For me it was a balancing act. For years I’d been keeping my needs at bay, barely, yet they were festering, growing, damaging. At the same time the fear and other issues with visiting a dominatrix were such that I just couldn’t do it. Gradually these emotions changed, re-balanced so that led up to my first session.

Here are some thoughts on my journey and so many other things along the way.

Dominatrix Or Mistress?

A ‘Mistress’ has the connotation of a sexual relationship outside a marriage. “The Other Woman” kind of thing.

A ‘Dominatrix’ has the whips and chains feeling to it, maybe a spiked collar and leather corset, a riding crop, some leather and fetish happening. Ohh, I’m feeling unsettled all of a sudden.

It may seem a strange distinction, but it was an issue for me. I saw a dominatrix. Not a Mistress. No sex was involved, and that kept the terms separate and comfortable in my mind. Now I see most service provisers call themselves ‘Mistress’ and indeed in-session they are called ‘Mistress’ as in ‘Yes Mistress’ and ‘No Mistress’ in response to a question.

I’ll use these terms interchangeably here, AND I need to make the point that in my experience domintrixes, professional mistresses, don’t offer sexual services with themselves.

Sure, they may bring in a sex worker, they may offer hand relief or allow self masturbation, but the mistresses I have seen are aloof and unattainable sexually.

You Get To Pick and Choose

It is an ugly thing to say ‘I used her‘ but at the heart of it, that is the way of it. I choose a mistress then have a BDSM session with her. I pay her. Same as I use my doctor and dentist and plumber. It is a professional relationship.

It is probably more polite to say ‘I session with her’ or ‘she sessioned me’ – and I should do that. My apologies!

We are so many of us superficial animals at heart. We make a value decision based on massively biased ideas and prejudices. Choosing a dominatrix is no different.

I know I do make some silly decisions. I generally look for an older woman, ideally taller and I am a little nervous of tattoos. Being honest can be politically incorrect – so should I lie? No.

I am nervous of younger women as, well, they can be close to the age of my daughter and that is wrong at so many levels. Also I’m concerned at their level of experience (and in this I have been wrong more often than not).

Do I see them a ‘sexy’ – and do I sexualize them? Yes and no! Of course there is no definitie answer for me. I can honestly say that of the 20 mistresses I have seen at this time, very few would I have wanted a relationship with and it is nothing to do with looks or deportment. It is all to do with chemistry, that spark, that feeling of connection. So yes, I do find the mistresses in general sexy and no in general I don’t fantasize about having sex with them. Does that makes sense?

Do I like them? This is easy and with very few exceptions I do like the mistresses I’ve seen. Usually I like them a lot. They work hard, they try hard, they are often very down to earth and caring people. Their role is to make a session work, to cater for the needs of their clients, to create successful and from that have more sessions. It is a very simple and professional relationship they have in the most part. By giving a label to a person, Mistress or Dominatrix, we try to classify into a category with few exceptions – and that really is wrong. There are so many types of dominatrix. But above all, they are people. It may be hard to remember that, but they go home at night and sometimes to familes and significant others.

Yes – I am prejudiced based on my upbringing. But that has changed over the years.

In choosing a mistress you can select someone you find appealing and for whatever reason that suits you. It is your choice.

And you can change! If the mistress doesn’t work out for whatever reason, then you can try another till you get the right person. If that sounds a bit mercenary, well it is. You are paying good money for a professional service.

So Why Visit A Mistress?

The reasons are many and in my mind, many of them may happen at the same time;

It’s on the bucket list. True. A mistress I saw said this of a session she’d had before me. WELL DONE.

I suggest, if it’s on the bucket list then there is some spark in there that’s calling. If the session was a good one then it will call all the more I am sure – that happened to me.

Do choose carefully!

Professional and experienced has summed up my experience with mistresses. Yes, there are many differences, some have not worked out but I share the blame in that.

You can be reasonably sure you will have a good outcome – with some caveats of course.

For my sessions I want corporal, bondage and fetish which is probably on the simple end of the session type. There are so many other types of session and mistresses really are extraordinarily capable of catering to a huge variety of needs. Just read the web pages of any mistress and you’ll get an appreciation for their capabilities and preferred types of session.

What happens in the dungeon stays in the dungeon has been my experience. No matter what your thing is, it can be indulged safely and without judgement or concern that others will know.

Mistresses don’t gossip about clients. If you find one who does, I’d suggest you change because she will gossip about you and that feels very bad.

Some things are impossible to admit to – normally – but to a dominatrix it is easier. This has been my experience with my fetish,  corporal and bondage needs. Sure, I struggle to say what I’d like in a session but I can do it without fear of ridicule.

If yours are at the level where you cannot conceive of telling a significant other then a dominatirx, a professionbal mistress, may very well be ideal.

Acceptance of you and your needs follows on logically. This for me is a big thing.

No strings attached means that I go there, I indulge in my fantasy, my session, and that is that. I am happy to tell my wife about it and have a clean conscience as the session is conducted by a professional.

Surety of outcome is a factor. In all my sessions, heading into three figures in quantity, I can count very few that haven’t lived up to my expectation. In all cases where there was a problem there was an element of my fault in them.

That means something.

Safety is all. Some types of session have their own special dangers, so using a professional mistress is absolutely sensible.

And The Alternatives?

You have a few alternatives to using a professional dominatrix.

You might have a spouse interested and capable. Well done! Serioulsy, well done. The only problem is that his or her experience may be limited so their ability to make suggestions, trying new things, will be limited.

My experience is that a spouse cannot deliver the heavy corporal that I want. Her inability to understand the BDSM with respect to pain and corporal was so limited that it didn’t work.

In this case, and in an ideal world, how about you both visit a dominatrix and learn some tricks? This could be a fantastic way to open up about needs and gain skills and experience. I live in hope.

You may have a friend, a friend with BDSM benefits? Wow. Well done again. As with the spouse thing, it may be difficult to get the experience you want as a result of training etc. However, more power to you!

Letting my imagination run riot, taking that friend to a pro-dom BDSM session. learning new things, growing as a result would be an option? Well done you.

Social groups and clubs are another option. For me that is a problem due to proximity – but I can see the appeal.

Casual meetups and dating sites are now catering for the BDSM inclined. If I were not married I’d consider them but I’d feel nervous about skills and experience. It would be good to make a relationship based on full disclosure of BDSM and all the associated things I like. I’d be nervious as I wouldn’t be using a professional, skilled and trained.

A concern here is that BDSM is only one part of me, not the totality of me so finding someone who is a good fit all over is what I’d be looking for.

What Are The Negatives?

For me on my first visit I came away massively happy and wishing I’d done it sooner and also that I wanted it again. The session worked so well for me on so many levels. But I felt guilt. And I was annoyed I’d not done it sooner. Be prepared for some conflicting emotions.

If you choose a mistress who doesn’t work out, or that your fantasies are not what you think they are and the session doesn’t live up to your mental image- then that might be a problem.

But think about it. So what? You will have grown mentally, you will have engaged with someone and moved forward with your life.  Those are all good things. If you have been keeping something bottled up that has become an issue, then experienccing it can only help you move forward, re-define, grow.

I think there is a stigma involved with visiting a mistress. To see a dominatrix? Just say that out loud in the office? To a friend?To family? It doesn’t feel right to me – no way.

This is speaking from my own upbringing where such a thing would have been seen as deviate behavior. Nowdays, in the third millennium, we are happily and rapidly moving away from that.

For you I hope this stigma, guilt, shame -whatever- is not the case.

Relationships make it difficult. You must also look inside yourself and decide if you are cheating on a significant other. Are you? Are you denying another person the means to understand and connect with you?

Also you must consider if having a session is necessary for you. Do you become a better person, more able to cope, happier to be in a relationship with a regular session? I do. I need them.

For me this was aleviated by coming out to my wife. She and I discussed this at length and even experimented a little. She struggled to understand the no-sex thing in the sessions as that was her mind set speaking, and the pain thing. It was all too much. Now she makes a suggestion that I have a session when she sees I’m struggling.

There is a cost involved. It all depends on the type of session and length, but it can be significant. For me, it is significant but necessary and as mentioned, I am approaching 3 figures in sessions.

You must weigh up the cost versus the benefit, of course.

We are all different, these are some things to mull over then make a decision.

When It Doesn't Work Out?

I’ve bailed out of sessions and sessioned with a mistress only the once, a few times.

Generally the fault is mine. I’ve chosen poorly, communcated poorly or something went badly wrong in a session.

These have been few and far between. But the instructive thing is that I’ve moved on. No harm, no foul.

A central point is that mistresses are people. Don’t expect to click with them all. It just doesn’t happen. This is the same as other professional engagements in my life – some doctors I really have not liked and avoided. Don’t get me started on dentists!

Is Coming Out Necessary?

This is VASTLY subjective – so totally dependant on your circumstance and what you want in your BDSM sessions.

I really struggle to make a recommendation – and I think I shouldn’t.

Just remember, once said it can’t be unsaid. Sorry – totally obvious I know.

What I can say about myself may be instructive. You will be different I am quite sure.

Take anything from this you want – it is just a story about my life. DO NOT take it as a recommendation.

My own marriage was struggling and part of that was my BDSM needs had been festering, unrequited. This was a small aspect, but still a factor. I felt at that time I had little to lose – if full disclosure broke the marriage completely then it might as well do so because living a lie wasn’t working.

Some of the symptoms I experienced were panic attacks and depression. I’d never had them before, but wow, they were awful. These then fed into making my relationships suffer which fed back into the panic attacks.

So I revealed (almost) all and that took a lot of repetition and reassurance. It was difficult to say and get accepted that I could love someone as I did and also still have this need.

In my mind was the guilt that I’d not spoken of this previously. I’d courted then married and raised a family with someone who I’d not given full discloisure to. That was a breach of trust in my mind, but the fact was (and is) that it is such a deep thing within me that I really couldn’t for so many years.

Yes, there was a lot of guilt happening in there. We both had to get past this.

My wife and I then made an agreement; I would disclose when I had a session. I wouldn’t go sneaking off. It has worked out well for us and that was 15 years ago. She has supported me, made a cake for one mistress who was having a birthday party, and even suggests I have a session when it all peaks and the need is great. She doesn’t want to know details of my sessions, but does enjoy ‘meta data’ about the mistresses and some related topics.

Strangely enough (to me) I have seen psych counselors at various times since coming out about my BDSM needs and they have universally been supportive.

Will It Break My Marriage?

My experience says not.

AND with that I suggest you read the previous section. I came out to my wife, I discussed it all and we have an agreement. Sex is not involved in my sessions and I am not interested in that. I love my wife and won’t cheat on her that way.

Open, honest and upfront has worked for me, for us.

For you? I have no idea. Maybe you can’t have sex with your significant other for some reason and having a sex based BDSM session fixes that. Great – it hasn’t broken the marriage.

If you haven’t told your significant other and have sessions, and sex, then I forsee easily foreseen problems. This is for you to think about.

Where To Now?

It’s up to you of course.

I suggest caution. Once done, once said, it is all out there. You can’t go back. If you are like me then you don’t have a choice.

Choose wisely. Think. Take your time. If necessary, seek advice. That worked for me.

For me I visited a dominatrix when I was in a personal relationship crisis and it helped. A lot. I should have done it much earlier. I was able to get past some hurdles, past some stumbling blocks in my life and it was a life changing experience.

Since then I have had semi-regular sessions and it has helped me in a number of ways. Sure, there are issues in there, problems to get past, but for me it works well.

For me, my BDSM sesisons have been therapy. Pure and simple. Professionally administered therapy by caring professionals.

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Pain In BDSM 2

My BDSM session focuses on Corporal Punishment and Bondage

The purpose of this post is to give a perspective of pain in a BDSM session, the why and the how of it. I know that use of pain in BDSM is something people struggle to  understand. Here is my perspective.

Just so you understand, to set the scene, I had a BDSM session 7 days ago. It featured me being tied up with leather straps (bondage) and heavy corporal punishment from a leather clad dominatrix. She used belts, straps, tawse, canes and a prison strap on me. And I loved it.

These implements were all used on my butt hard enough to leave welts for a few days. My hands were strapped and tawsed hard enough to leave them bruised and tingling for three days.

This kind and level of corporal punishment I would  have called as a ‘medium’ intensity session, maybe a fraction more but not much more.

In previous sessions I’ve been strapped and caned so hard my butt has become leathery and had blood on it from a number of places, the bruising showing up purple and black for nearly a week

For this session I asked the mistress for a ‘medium but as she wishes’ as I’d not had a session for 13 months and hence felt my tolerance and the ability to endure corporal punishment would be down, reduced.

Just so as you know, I wanted this, and I really really enjoyed it both as it happened and later when I felt the effects.

Also, so there is no misunderstanding and to put context into it, I don’t have an orgasm in the session, I don’t have sex in the session nor given any intimate touching or hand relief etc. I get corporal and bondage – pure and simple.

Google Pain and BDSM

If you do an internet search you can pretty much find any reason to have or not have anything in your life. The total spectrum of human interaction and possible end results is damn near infinite. It becomes problematic to find something that is definitive that targets what you are really wanting to know.

Also, the intelligence and the wisdom of the people giving the information may not be helpful. Do they truly understand what they are talking about, or is their study based on academic and scientific grounds with little feeling for the topic?

Getting the right answer can be totally subjective to all parties; the writer and the reader. And thus it is for me.

In my experience I feel many articles miss the point with pain and BDSM more often than not. Sometimes they miss a central and blindingly simple explanation for things.

For Me...

For me, pain in a BDSM session is an experience, a feeling not stigmafied or rejected because it is pain. It is a transport mechanism, it promotes a feeling of relief, it is nothing and everyting. It is contradictory and perplexing to many, to me it just is.

There is a difference in what I present here to many other writings on the internet – I offer information from the first person perspective.

When I’m questioned by my wife as to how I can accept what I do, I think the worst thing about pain in BDSM is my inability to bring understanding. It is totally foreign to others. Trying to explain it is so damn difficult.

I get the question, “but it hurts. How can you want that?”

I give the answer “It’ contexual, part of the total experience of the session, it captures and transports.”

And so it is with searching for ‘bdsm pain’ and various combinations. Expect to be confused.

I Never Saw Myself as a Masochist

Even now, writing that, I find it difficult to identify as being a masochist.

I don’t like pain outside of a BDSM session. A splinter, a stubbed toe, and the list gos on for painful thing I hate.

But in a BDSM session I ask for heavy corporal punishment and expect to be pushed to my limit for accepting something that is inherently painful. I pay good money for it. I keep coming back. I ask the mistress to push me.  A caning hurts. The tawse across the palms is excruciating.

So by defninition I must be a masochist. Strangely enough I struggle with that.

Is It The Endorphin Rush?

There may well be an element of this in the experience.

But I believe saying it’s endorphins is a cop-out if I said it applied to me.

It’s an easy way to justify something, to make people reach some kind of understanding even thought it is probably not correct. It is the easy out.

The more I think about it, the less this suits me. I feel the pain, it gets in, it is difficult to accept. I don’t feel a high from it, I don’t get a massive erection or have some kind of frisson of delight with a particularly painful cane or strap or tawse stroke.

They all hurt. They hurt a lot. I don’t feel a pleasure from it.

I push my butt out for more, to invite more down. I ask for the tawse across the palms knowing how devastating it will be. I feel embarrassment when my face screws up after the tawse lashes down, then I life my hands up for more, dreading it, yet needing it, watching mistress as she puts the tawse up ready for the next stroke.

Then when it is delivered, I feel the pain, I want it to stop, yet I want more of it. I feel challenge as it is happening, relief when it stops, then dissappointment when it is over.

More than anything, I feel the challenge to accept the pain. I feel the need to feel the pain, to really be engrossed in it. I feel relief from the pain, the pain sending me elsewhere and almost out of body.

The pain in bondage while gagged, delivered by a dominatrix in the dungeon is so vastly different to any other kind of pain I have received. It just feels different.

The pain makes me feel, the pain sends me elsewhere and nowhere.

As I said to my wife, it is contextual – in the BDSM session it just works.

We are conditioned to shun pain

All our lives we know pain tells us something is going wrong. We’ve stubbed a toe, broken a bone, have some issue etc.

And that is good. Without pain telling us there is a problem we might die from simple things that should have been treated. We know that ignoring pain is very bad for all the same reasons.

Cutting To The Chase

I get pain in my BDSM sessions and it works for me. Simple. Take that in. It works for me.

Have I explained it properly? Do you understand? Does it make sense? Does it need to make sense?

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Prostate Exam and BDSM

Protstate Exam and Blazing Butts Don't Mix

I was scheduled for a prostate exam in a week’s time and it had been some weeks since my previous BDSM session so I was wanting one.

I really was. It was at the forefront of my thoughts.

I had been in therapy for a few months over something else. I was talking to the counselor about how much I wanted a session but I had the exam scheduled. She said “why don’t you go? I can’t see why not?”

I really loved the acceptance this gave.

This also spoke to her ignorance as to what I get in a session – and also my reluctance to spell it out in detail. I’d given her some broad brush stroke ideas but she didn’t think it was as full on. Clearly. Maybe she thought a prostate exam happened with the clothes on? I have no idea how it could happen this way.

I had to explain to her that having a prostate exam where the pants came down would expose the cane welts that usually last for at least a week and sometimes two. That would just be far too confronting to say the least.

She stopped to look surprised at that. I really doubt she’d thought it was as full on for me.

Naughty as it sounds, I did think about seeing her after a sesson and giving her a peek at the results. But that didn’t happen.

Sadly this therapist had her own demons, her own issues, and so we became incompatible. it was a pity.

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Long Journey Into BDSM and Kink

My Long Journey Into Kink

Growing up in a normal family, in a normal suburb with a middle of the road normal life I realized in my very early teens I liked belts far more than I thought others did.

This is my story of over half a century of self discovery, acceptance, then embracing that I am kinky.

As a test of my acceptance, I can now write, ‘Yes I am kinky. I have a leather fetish and have regular BDSM sessions with a dominatrix who puts me into bondage then gives me corporal punishment. I need it.’

It has taken more than a few decades to be able to write that.

The Early Years

With nothing published in media or print, zero exposure to it in an era when BDSM was taboo, I found I liked belts far too much. And leather. I enjoyed tying myself up with them and had my first orgasm when tied up. At my early age and in my ignorance, that was a difficult time.

I’d never heard the term bondage, but I found years later I had been practicing self-bondage.

Corporal punishment was not at the front of my mind, ‘it just was there’ deep inside me. Later I was to read about it, and it became more prominent.

As the years passed, self-bondage became my secret passion, something I did as often as able.

University, work, family life kept me from taking this further. I would just tie myself up occasionally and that would slake my needs as I then felt them.

That First Walk Of Seven Yards

At a traumatic point in my life I went into therapy where this aspect of my secret me came out. For the first time ever.

Imagine my surprise when these admissions were met with acceptance and the suggestion that they did not make me less than I am, would hurt no one else, and wonder that I had not done it before.

Against all my preconceived thoughts and inhibitions cemented into me by decades of denial I tried it. I had my first BDSM session. Walking in off the street to knock on the door was the most difficult thing I’d ever done.

Then the session itself was more than fabulous. It transformed and transported me.

In my first ever visit to a dungeon I felt I had come home, a feeling that I still get over 15 years later.

Evolving Within BDSM

In my early years I could never have discussed my BDSM desires, needs, fetish, kink. Call it whatever you like. It was a total secret.

Then after my first session I became more comfortable discussing it with a therapist (a huge step in itself).

After that I came out to my wife about my needs. We reached a concensus that it is part of me and that it helps me significantly. I have my sessions and she accepts they do not come between us, rather they help me love her all the more.

The BDSM has evolved also. Initially it was all about self-bondage and nothing more. I got my pleasure from that. Then in my first professional session I received corporal punishment only to find that it worked so well with bondage. It transported, it shifted my consciousness.

As the years passed, I found that the corporal punishment aspect became more dominant. I collected implements for corporal punishment, belts, straps and tawse and take great pleasure from their use on me.

Now I find I look for new experiences in the bondage and corporal punishment arena. I find myself looking for new implements. I spend time thinking about changes to my BDSM sesions that can enhance them.

Self Discovery and Acceptance

Acceptance was to become the most difficult thing in my life, and at many levels. To gain acceptance is to gain true freedom and release.

I had to accept this need in me, I had to accept it did not take away from other aspects of me. I would still be the loving husband, father, son that I had always been. I just had this something extra.

My upbringing made that difficult. BDSM was a taboo subject, something whispered about if at all so that anyone admitting to it was akin to admitting to being a pervert.

To this day I feel that, but it is far less.

Guilt Is the natural enemy of happiness. It makes acceptance impossible. Until I could get past feelings of shame and guilt, I could never be truly happy. I know that now. I know also that my guilt had no basis in fact.

Honesty is difficult. Self discovery works best with honesty. Trying to understand myself and being honest about my needs is difficult. This can make acceptance impossible when denial get in the way.

The Enduring Journey

Over more than fifteen years of having regular BDSM sessions and learning more and more about myself, I realize my journey will never end.

Part of me does not want it to end. I still find it exciting, fulfilling and oh so necessary. Sometimes I rail aganst these needs, but then when they are slaked, the reward is a kind of release and happiness I can get nowhere else.

I will forever feel its calling as it is part of me.

I recognize the mistake in saying I had ‘buried’ this need. To bury is to suggest something that could be singled out, isolated, treated as an entity. Rather, this need is within me, a slice of my psyche that I had been in denial of.

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Honeymoon BDSM Swap

Brand New Husband Swap

Sometimes a true story is just so odd it has to be true.

A Mistress told me she went on a honeymoon with her new husband overseas. He was into the whole BDSM thing and it sounded like a good match. Anyway, he chose the destination which she found out had a mistress he wanted to see. The mistress advertised and he got it into his head he wanted to see her.

Well, as a present to her husband, and she had a great sense of humour and appreciation of life, she swapped her husband for the Mistress’s own slave for a day.

Imagine that. On honeymoon, swapsies with another mistresses slave. Then a good hard corporal session.

She said they each gave the others’ partner a sound caning and that was all she mentioned. I don’t doubt there was other corporal and bondage happening. Sex? I have no idea but I doubt it.

Apparently it worked out well. She said her husband had cane makes on him for a week and that made swimming in bathers tricky.

It was all good fun. It puts a new perspective on a honeymoon.

It just occurred to me that a BDSM session does not have to have sex in it to work. It really is (or can be) a totally different head space to sex. for me, a heavy corporal session leaves little else in the mind.

A ‘vanilla’ example might be that I really like ice cream and I like a nice steak and wedges meal. I would never put icecream on steak.

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Off Billet Strap for Corporal

Off Billet Strap for Corporal Punishment

I visited a saddle and tack shop I’d seen a few times in passing. Not having a horse and being pretty clueless about the whole riding thing means I’m a bit nervous of being asked questions by attentive staff. But like gravity I’m pulled into these shops regularly.

The scent of leather, the saddles, the harness is a leather fetishists delight. Damn. If I had the spare money and the private space, a saddle or two would grace my humble hacienda quick smart. I foresee problems convincing my wife one would be necessary in the bedroom. Convincing her more than one would be better is probably asking a bit much. Oh well.

So on one visit and trying not to hyperventilate, just looking around I found something that I just had to purchase; an Off Billet Strap.

Off Billet Strap

For those not in the know, an Off Billet Strap is about two inches wide, eighteen inches long but doubled over (so a three foot strap folded in half). The one pictured above is very close to what mine is like.

And it is a beautiful piece of leather. Seriously!

A simple description doesn’t do it justice. It is a truly heavy piece of leather designed to securely hold a saddle onto a horse, so it is strong and as I mentioned, a rather nice strap. The leather itself is so heavy it almost invites being picked up and felt. And smelled. And run through the hands.

This strap and as a result of its proportions, is rather severe when used with any force on a bared butt, feeling somewhat similar to the Canadian Prison Strap.

Mistresses Favorite

One mistress, a tall ex-model took a rather strong fancy to this strap (and my Canadian Prison Strap), and she liked using it on me. A few sets of a dozen is rather grueling the way she used it.

Well after one session and in discussion about it, where I got it from, how much it was etc, I decided to get one for her. Of course the shop I went to had sold out so I had to take mine to a saddler and get a copy made.

Dueling Off Billet Straps

As soon as I’d given it to her, mistress was rather keen to try her new strap out. She really was rather keen on giving heavy corporal.

So during the session she did just that. She tried them both out giving me a dozen of each to see if I could detect any difference.

Of course I couldn’t, both lifted me onto my toes and made me gasp.

On a subsequent session I asked if she’d had a chance to use hers. She smiled as she said she had. ‘He squealed’ was the verdict as to how well it worked, and I believe her entirely.

This was the mistress who changed her gym routine for more upper body work so she could use my Canadian Prison strap harder.

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BDSM Session Preparation

A different Type Of Blog Post

It has been an eternity since my last BDSM session. I like/need heavy corporal punishment and I just love the bondage and fetish that goes along with it.

This blog post will tell the story from booking, checking my gear, the lead up to, then a very brief description of the session itself.

There is no fiction here – this is how it happened.

Booking the next BDSM Session

I don’t just wake up one morning and say, “Right! I think I’ll have a BDSM session this afternoon.” No. First of all the mistress I see is only available some days. Next, I do need some time to prepare, to get into the head space and also, quite frankly, to enjoy the anticipation.

Booking.

This time I made the booking through the mistress I’ve been seeing. She is the ‘fun professional’ kind, empathetic and gives really good sessions. We exchanged a pair of emails and the date and time was set.

With my 15 years of experience and 20 different mistresses, she is right at the top for the kind of session I like.

Gear Checkout

I have a lot of gear, many straps, belts, tawse etc. These have not been used in quite a while so a check over felt like a good idea.

I’m damn glad I did as there was significant mold on a few of them. I cleaned it off and then lay them all out to dry. After that a check then a light application of leather dressing finished it off. They were fine.

What Does It Feel Like?

I usually ask for heavy corporal, lots of belt, strap, tawse, prison strap then the cane. I get quite a bit of hand strapping and tawsing; having mistress stand in front of me and strapping my hands hits all the fetish high points.

The session lasts for an hour and most of that is the mistress giving me heavy corporal.

At the end of a session I usually have a butt that looks awful. It’, badly bruised and often bleeding a little here and there, needing antiseptic cream. Just in case.

So the sessions are intense.

With the passage of time without a session, without any corporal, how will it feel? Am I able to take what mistress gives? Should I still ask for ‘heavy’ and of course can I take it? This questions with variations repeated themselves in my brain.

So Am I Corporal Capable?

So, the thing is, it has been about 12 months since my last session and I know my tolerance for corporal will be way down.

I did a test when I was cleaning my gear. I used my XH London Tanners 3 tail tawse to gave myself 3 strokes to each hand. Damnation they hurt like the very devil.

At that moment I had no idea how I was going to be able to take what mistress would give me. She uses a few straps on my hands, then this tawse after. Unless you’ve experienced an XH tawse, you really don’t know how painful it can be.

General Fitness

Now this is a huge issue. I’ve not done any exercise as a result of the lock down and I’m so wasted when I do anything.

A full on BDSM session is going to be an issue. I want it to be excellent, challenging, to be extended but also to be able to accept what is given at every level.

Goal Setting And Training

So I set a goal. Not your everyday goal, but a BDSM session fitness goal I suppose you could say.

Every day from then to the session I resolved to do at least one hour’s exercise. It could be any of walking, gym, gardening. Or all of them.

Plus, if I had the privacy, I’d try to give myself corporal, as much as I could, to try and get ready for mistress and her strong right arm.

I’ve tried self-corporal in the past and found it quite a poor experience. I could never give it as hard as the mistress did and also chickened out far too early. One or two strokes of a tawse self-delivered to the palms had always been my limit.

In truth, it had always felt a little silly. Me tawsing myself? Why on earth would I do that? The mental image of me doing that to myself was scarring.

But now I had a reason, a goal.

10 days out – So for my 1st day of preparation I did 3 hours exercise and I was absolutely exhausted. I felt almost faint at one time – but I feel so good. I’d started.

9 days out – Nothing. Work got in the way with staff meetings and a work night out with clients.

8 days out – I gave myself three strokes of the XH tawse to each hand every few hours when able. This challenged me at every level.

I did that six times and it was painful and difficult. At the same time I gave myself sets of a dozen from the XH tawse onto the bare butt. The first set was awful. It got easier as the day wore on. I did an hour and a half exercise. I saw red marks on my butt two hours later so there was some effect happening.

I think both the hand strapping and the butt strapping got easier as the day wore on. I’m interested to see how tomorrow fares.

7 days out. I only ended up giving myself two sets of six of the tawse to the hands and the butt. Both sets of the tawse really hurt though making me wonder if it was my technique improving or was I not getting used to the corporal at all. It was a busy day without privacy. Then I did an hours exercise in the evening. It was over all a good day.

6 Days out. Early in the day I gave my self six lighter strokes to each hand, and a full dozen fairly hard to the butt. Six in a row to each hand is so challenging. I couldn’t have done that a few days ago, even with lighter strokes. They all really got in, stinging a lot. Sitting  with a blazing butt and warm tingling hands as I typed this was rather pleasing.

At the end of day, I had a grueling hour and a half exercise in the evening and felt great about it.

During the day I gave myself a total of 4 sets of six to each hand and a dozen to the butt. I found it challenging at every level. The butt tawsing really does start to burn after a little while.

I’m noticing that the way I hold the tawse and then deliver it has both changed and improved. It really does give a sharp bite.

Self honesty also came into play. If the stroke does not land properly I must tell myself to repeat it. That’s not easy when it might land lower on the thighs than it should have, hurts, then I have to repeat it higher up. Same to the hands, it might still hurt and must be repeated.

5 Days Out. My butt is a bit bruised from yesterday and I’ve got some muscle soreness from the exercise. Should I have a day off?

NO! As a trial,  I just gave myself a dozen to the butt which I took better, then six to each hand which still hurt like hell. The hands are going to be a problem on the day. I can see that. Both are tingling as I write this.

During the day I gave myself another five sets of this; six to each hand and a dozen to the butt. All in all, it was quite effective as I could feel the burn all day.

I got in an hour and a half of exercise leaving me sweaty and gasping at one time. I have to have a shower after that.

4 Days out. Friday. I gave myself the hardest strapping of all this day, but very little exercise.

For the strapping I gave myself six sets of six to each hand, 4 sets off a dozen to the butt, then two sets of two dozen to the butt. The thing is, I gave the butt strokes a lot harder making myself gasp. That XH tawse really does sting like the devil against the bared and bent botty.

3 Days out. Some exercise, not a lot as I had quite a bit of muscle soreness.

No tawsing either. I think Friday I must have overdone the tawsing as all day my butt was stinging slightly, particularly lower down on the tops of my thighs. I think for once I might be building the intensity to something approaching a mild to medium session.

2 Days out. Sunday.

I’m thinking I should ‘go heavy’ or at least as heavy as I can. We’ll see.

I’m thinking this might be my last training day so I should make the most of it.

I didn’t give myself any corporal and the reason was my butt was still stinging. I wanted a ‘clean slate’ for mistress so presenting with a stinging and possibly bruised butt sounded less than clever.

The day before.

Same again, no corporal and same again, I can still feel it in my butt. That XH tawse really gets in, particularly low down on the tops of my thighs and where it has wrapped a little.

The Session - How It Unfolded

The Drive There

It was delicious. ‘I’m going to get a hell of a strapping’ was running round my mind. I was excited, really looking forward to it.

More than normal, the bondage was calling me also. I love bondage, but this time with so long away from it, it was (is) forefront of my mind.

The pre-session discussion.

With over 12 months away and not having seen mistress, I felt all inhibitions about asking for what I wanted were reduced markedly. Not gone, but massively lowered.

I feel more pushy to tell mistress what I want. Will I be able to say it to her?

I want to ask for; ‘I know my tolerance will be way down. A hand strapping at the start, lots of school strap, the belt, lighter straps and a light to medium tawsing. Then gagged for the rest of the session. Counting does not do it for me, it beings me back. Onto suspension. Lots of belt and strap. I’d really like to see you take off the belt then fold it in half before you use it. To show me the strap or belt or tawse you are going to use. Would you mind telling me … I’m going to strap you so hard now … and it’s tie for a hard belting … time to tawse you again.  That sort of thing. Mistress telling slave she is going to give him a strapping. Then off suspension, another hand strapping, then bent over the bench for yet more stap and belt and tawse. Occasional hand strapping. Then at the end a heavy prison strapping and the cane. then a final hand strapping.’

(I wrote the above after a lot of thought, 3 and a half hours early)

The session.

After the session

— I’ll update these sections a day or two after the session —

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Duelling Prison Straps

One Mistress - Two Pison Straps.

The current mistress I’m seeing has her own prison strap. Ever seen one?

Canadian Prison Strap

Mine is this one, exactly the same, and it is a beautiful and functional piece of gear that works extremely well.

The leather at the business end or hers is not as thick or stiff as mine. Hers is more like heavy belt leather, or heavy saddle leather. Mine is more solid. Just picking it up and waving it around you realize how stiff it is and how severe it will be.

Well, the first time I met her, she said she had a prison strap as we were setting up for our first session. We went into the dungeon and she pulled it out of her gear collection. Then I produced mine making her eyes go wide.

Well, in session she gave me a dozen of each, hard. She does like using the prison strap and I suspect not many clients take it hard.

When she strapped me, I could hardly feel the difference. Now, some time later, I have no idea which is more severe. Mine looks it, but hers certainly has that special bite.

I have that feeling this will happen again soon. Very soon.

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Cold Prison Strapping and Caning

Cold Strapping And Caning -When Fantasy Exceeds Reality

This is something that calls again. I think in my next session…

A particularly athletic mistress did like to use my prison strap and she had a great collection of canes. I don’t know what got into me but at the end of a session as we were chatting before I left, I did suggest that I was up for trying a ‘cold prison strapping and caning’ and that delighted her.

For those not initiated, a cold caning happens without any other punishment before hand. No spanking, no belting, no strapping to warm up the skin. The cane is applied hard to a bare and fresh bottom. It is therefore quite severe.

And a cold prison strapping is just the same.

In reality, both simulate a judicial type punishment where the victim is given heavy punishment as soon as the session starts. There is no lead up, no getting used to it.

On my next session she remembered, she sure did. I’ll admit there was an element of excitement, here was I going to get a severe punishment straight away and that just hit the masochist nerve.

I was put into suspension, my arms lifted into the air by leather cuffs on my wrists clipped to a metal bar on the end of a cable. Then she gave me a dozen of the best of my prison strap. They were absolutely delivered hard. The prison strap is quite heavy, and as I type this I can remember each stroke pushing me forward with the power she put into it. Then she gave me a dozen of the best of the cane and even through the pain from the prison strapping, I felt those cane strokes.

It has been a while since my last session. This is sounding better and better.