Posted on

Session Introspection

In My BDSM Sessions

In my first ever BDSM session I was laying on the floor in strapped up in tight leather bondage.

The mistress used a ‘spine’ which is also called a ‘fishbone harness’ that comprises a dozen wide leather straps that wrap the body tightly. From the neck to the toes there is a lengthwise strap that keeps all the others in place. That’s why it looks like a fishbone.

This was my first ever session, and I’d never heard of this kind of harness before. And it felt so addicitively good.

I vividly remember feeling out of body in that I could almost see myself there as if looking down from above. I could see myself on the floor in bondage. I could just imagine so strongly what it looked like with the dominatrix in the room punishing me.

And at that moment I felt the strangeness of the moment.

It was a moment of deep introspection.

And for all the sessions over the years to come, I have felt that same thing so often, that same introspection, that same view of myself in the session.

It defies logic. It defies common sense. It defies everything I was brought up to accept as normal.

Looking Into The Mirror

All my sessions now happen in rooms with a large wall to ceiling mirror. My first session didn’t have a mirror that I can remember.

I do like to face the mirror and to watch the mistress closely. She is dressed to suit the session, to suit me, and that is a huge thing.

I also watch as she applies corporal. She lifts the belt, the strap, the cane or prison strap then she uses it.

Watching this I feel the thrill of the moment, the thrill of experiencing my innermost secret passions and needs.

But I also see myself as it is a mirror after all.

Seeing myself like this in the dungeon never ceases to amaze me.

There I am. The husband, the father, the son, the office worker, managing staff, in a situation like this seems so odd.

And I need it. Bring it on.

And I keep Coming Back

That too is strange if I give it any thought.

I reject and rail at myself for wanting this. Then at other times I miss it dreadfully and want it again. Soon. I want it now.

No matter how gruelling the session, no matter how hard the mistress gives me corporal I keep coming back.

My butt can be bruised and bloody, my hands tomato red and shaking, my back and shoulders striped and stinging. And I feel wonderfully relieved, refreshed, and at peace.

Then in a few weeks I want it again.

There is no denying it is a core need

Nope. No matter how long I think about this, it always comes back to “It is the way I am.”

I don’t do this to atone fro some mistake or feeling of guilt. I don’t seek this because of some kind of sin or crime.

It wasn’t learned, inflicted on me, something that I was pushed to do or suggested to me.

It is all on me. I am drawn to it.

Posted on

Hand Strapping And Tawsing Sessions

Hand Strapping & Tawsing

Have you ever read a about a professional BDSM dominatrix giving a hand strapping? Here you can. Do you find it strange, unreal? Is it appealing and do you know why? Read on if you are interested.

In the context of a B&D session, a hand strapping or tawsing is just like it sounds. The palm of the slave is struck by the dominatrix with a leather strap or a tawse.

There is no mystery in how it’s done. The mystery lies in the why and how of it, but as in all things, there are reasons.

This post will go into the subject of hand strapping and tawsing, mainly from a pro-domme session point of view. This is what I have extensive experience with and these are my experiences. Others will undoubtedly have other experiences and viewpoints.

However, if you wish to translate this into other forms of BDSM play, be my guest – I hope you can gain some benefit. Reading about real pro-dom sessions is probably not that common either as it is a very private (and expensive) experience.

I shall try to be as accurate as possible.

Hand strapping is a neglected art form in modern media and BDSM teasers.

In all the BDSM teasers that have been in modern films, and I have watched closely, hand strapping has not been featured. I can’t remember seeing it. Sure, there is a slave in bondage and maybe in suspension or on a cross, a cane maybe, a whip for sure, but no hand strapping or tawsing.

Maybe this is a subject too difficult for film producers, or is it too private and personal to be admitted to? Maybe it is not that common? Maybe they struggle to believe that someone would subject themselves to this (I think this sometimes myself).

You be the judge.

Hand strapping is unusual as the mistress faces the slave which does not happen with other forms of corporal punishment. Typically the mistress is behind the slave and might only be seen in a mirror.

For a hand strapping, the slave is close to the mistress, she is in his personal space. He must watch the mistress use the instrument of punishment, see her prepare for the stroke, then watch her deliver it to his defenseless and sensitive palms. She’ll watch as the hand is shaken, as the slave gasps with the pain and she will be right in front of him. Then she’ll give another stroke.

It becomes a highly personal experience, with a lot of other emotions. There can be embarrassment to be facing someone giving a hand strapping. There can be humiliation in there as well as you react and can’t control yourself, you show how much it hurts and you can’t control that.  What does mistrtess think? Is she disappointed in you for not taking your hand strapping better? As you wait for the strap to descend it is an intense and difficult time.

For example, a thick heavy tawse brought down along the fingers and palm feels excruciatingly painful with just one stroke. The hand bursts into flames in the intense sting. You wave it around to try to reduce the sting, you rub it, you gasp at the pain and wonder why in hell you asked for this, then the mistress calms says, “hands up,” and then you struggle. You look at the mistress with the tawse and feel a little fear. She is going to give you another stroke. How will you be able to accept that? Can you accept that? will you be weak and call mercy? Then she gives gives another and the pain increases. This is a real test.

This makes hand strapping a very different experience compared to, for example when getting caned on the butt or flogged across the back and shoulders. Typically for a caning  the slave is bent over something, the mistress is behind and to one side and then uses a cane. Similarly for a flogging. Sure there are mirrors in the dungeon (and as we all know, that is part of the fun) but there is distance involved. There can be an element of denial happening with this tye of corporal that you can’t get with hand strapping. You are not looking into the mistresses eyes as she straps you, she is not directly in front of you.

Regression into a different time and space is easy with hand strapping. It is hghly immersive. Suddenly you really are someone else, getting your hands strapped. Suddenly you really are under the control of mistress as she commands you to raise your hands and she stands in front of you then straps them.

It is overwhelming. With hand strapping, mistress is right up close and in front of slave. It really is much more personal.

Hand strapping, when phrased like that, is a much more personal experience.

Hand strapping is far more intimate, more kinkly, more fetish.

I am laboring this point, but it is hugely real.

Slave kneels and looks into the eyes of the dominatrix right in front of him. She looks into his eyes. She holds the strap and she shows him how he is going to be punished.

With the mistress standing right in front of the slave she is in his personal space and dressed in fetish. She is tweaking all his fetish and kink fantasies.

As she stands with the strap or tawse in her hand, she looks totally formidable. She faces her slave. She looks strict, stern, and formidable.

If slave is shy or slow or reluctant, mistress will tell him, “HANDS UP SLAVE” which can be a huge part of the session. Maybe slave has asked in the pre-session briefing for “Mistress to demand the hands are raised then she gives six of the best, time and again, and she shows no mecy,” (and I am thiunking about my next session!).

Hand strapping is all about role play, acceptance, fetish and fantasy.

“HANDS UP” says the mistress making slave present his hand to her.

Maybe she will hold the strap between her hands. Maybe she will raise and lower it.

Then she raises the strap and the discipline begins.

Tawase Cane

Two tawse and a punishment cane.

Taking her time, she will raise the strap or tawse over a shoulder. Slave will be watching intently, looking at the mistress in front of him as she is poised to deliver.

Then the strap will crack down, once, twice, many times. Each time there will be a reaction. Each time slave must accept the strapping. Each time the command, “HANDS UP!” is given if slave is slow.

Terms and Definitions

My focus is with sessions between a professional mistress and her client. I call him (or her) the slave. Forgive me if I (badly) blur the terms and definitions of both the implements and the players.

The alternative is to tie myself in knots trying to cover all the bases and roles – and being tied in knots is my not really thing – but it is getting there.

Tawsing. While I call it ‘hand strapping’ this equally applies to use of the tawse and hence the terms hand strapping and hand tawsing can be used interchangeably. Also, of historical note, this was also referred to as ‘a belting’ even when a tawse was used as quite often the tawse was referred to as ‘the belt.’

Historically, in schools in my area it was called ‘getting the cuts’ and the word strap was seldom used. We got the cuts, not strapped. We’d never heard of a tawse.

Hand caning is also in-theme for this post. The mistress uses a cane, of course, and usually applies it side on where as the strap is often applied lengthwise. I’ve had that and it just dosen’t do it for me. My fetish for leather just isn’t tweaked by hand caning. The feeling of a hand caning is actually quite similar to a severe tawse, there is not much to choose between them. Both hurt a lot.

So forgive me, I’ll refer to ‘the mistress’ and to ‘the slave’ but of course this applies equally to all players and forms of BDSM play no matter how the roles are defined. Same to the types of implement used.

The Anatomy Of Straps and Tawse

The strap may be the end of a belt, a folded belt or a purpose made strap designed specifically for punishment. The typical dimensions would be at least a foot long, and often eighteen inches, though two foot long straps are also common. For hand strapping, a width of about one and a half inches is usual and the thickness can be whatever is available though the thicker leathers are of course more severe. Historically a piece of harness leather or an old belt would be pressed into service, and more than likely, only for BDSM would a purpose made strap be used these days.

Size matters.

A wider strap spreads the force out a little more but it still stings if used with force. The more thick, solid, less flexible the strap the more the sting gets in.

Straps made of a doubled belt are more ‘thuddy’ compared to a single length. A narrower strap stings more.

Wider straps land with perhaps less sting but also perhaps a little harder. The best (most painful) strap is a single piece of leather about an inch and a half wide, eighteen inches long and fairly stiff. The thicker the better and the more easily controlled.

In general, the longer the strap, the more speed the end of it has when it comes down on the palm and fingers. This can make it less accurate. A two foot long strap is about the maximum as beyond that it becomes difficult to control and aim.

The slave’s palm is often quivering and not the biggest of targets. The palm is held up and out waiting for the strap to descend and it can often be shaking from previous strokes, moving slightly. Unlike a slave in bondage getting a flogging or a caning when bent over something, a palm held out for the strap is not restrained.

Hand strapping does require precision so a strap that is manageable and well controlled is important. As mentioned, about a foot and a half long is ideal and somewhere around an inch and a half wide is optimum for the sting and thud mix.

Shorter straps are easier to use, to control and aim, but their effect is less. I have a ‘school strap’ that I had made. It is just over a foot long and really quite mild. I have an old belt that is used doubled up for a hand strapping. The leather is old and supple and not overly thick. Even though it is longer and two thicknesses of leather, it is still quite mild.

The sound of a strap on palm is distinctive. It is a full bodied high pitched and substantial crack, particularly if the hand is held flat, not cupped. Often the gasp of the slave follows soon after.

A tawse is in my opinion much more severe even though they are so similar to a strap.

A tawse is a strap split down the middle once or more times. This gives it a number of narrower tails, each perhaps a half inch wide, maybe up three quarters of an inch wide.

The effect of this is to increase the sting, dramatically. A well delivered tawse stroke feels significantly more painful that a strap stroke. The tails being more narrow seem to get in and sting more like canes than a strap. The tawse feels like it burns in its sting.

In schools in Scotland, the tawse was very much in use in the 1900’s till it was banned in the ’80s. Many saddlers made them for teachers and advertised them for sale. The most famous was the Lochgelly made by John Dick and descendants. Here is its story.

A Lochgelly tawse is a formidable piece of leather. Just a few strokes leaves all but the most experienced and hardened slave bent over and rubbing the infernal sting that’s burning deep in the hands.

Tawse come in many shapes and sizes but with strong similarities. Typically they have two or three tails and usually are about eighteen inches long. A two foot long tawse would be a long one. The type of leather used for original Lochgelly tawse was both dense and thick making it even more painful to receive.

The multiple narrower tails of the tawse, all traveling at speed penetrate more than a wider strap. The feeling is closer to being caned on the hands. For a thick and stiff three tailed well made tawse the effect is far more severe than the strap.

The sound of a tawse is a little different to a strap. It is slightly more high pitched making a more shrill ‘thwick’ rather than the stronger crack-like sound of a strap.

Technique

For slave, the hand is raised as mistress commands. Most mistresses accept however slave raises it. I usually raise one hand at a time, palm up, fingers together with the thumb pressed into the side of the hand. The mistress stands in front, the palm and fingers are flat and pointing toward her.

Sometimes I have been commanded to support one hand with the other. This is the original Scottish school style where the hand is supported.

The supposed benefit of the two handed presentation is that the second hand makes it more difficult to pull the hand away or to move it as the tawse is descending. Remember, slave is in front of mistress and watching her put the strap up in the air then bring it down on the waiting palm and fingers. Slave knows how painful it will be so the temptation to move the hand, to avoid the pain, can be overwhelming. For some. I know. I feel that.

For mistress, giving a hand strapping can be done in a few ways that affect both the delivery and also, just as importantly, the whole visual of the experience.

Most often a hand strapping is given pretty much as expected. The strap is held in the hand which is raised over the mistresses shoulder. Then after a small delay it is brought down on the slaves waiting and often quivering hand.

An alternative way is for the mistress to grip the far end of the strap with her other hand, in front of her. It looks like she is sttretching the strap almost. This can help her aim and also if done right, increase the speed of the strap.

I’ve had a few mistresses use this technique. One thing I always think about this method is that it looks ‘like ballet’ – the mistress is standing with the strap helf between two hands and looks poised.

A third way is for the mistresses other hand to go behind her back and catch the end of the strap when it is put over her shoulder and down behind her. By pulling down on the strap as she prepares to bring it down, it comes down a lot harder.

This remings me of school. We had a teacher who used this technique and he always made the strap really sting.

Hand Strapping - A Real Session

BDSM sessions with a mistress usually progress from lighter through to more severe implements during the session. That is unless it is a ‘cold’ type session where the most severe is used first. I’ve had a few with the prison strap and cane, they are challenging (more on this later). I’ve not had this with hand strapping though.

Here is a typical session.

At the start of a session I’ve stripped off, had a shower then am kneeling on a towel on the concrete floor. I wear a collar and cuffs. I have my own implements arranged on another towel, arranged in order of severity. On the left is a ‘school strap’ about a foot long, then on the right hand end is the most severe which is a Lochgelly replica with three painfully thick tails. In between are half a dozen other tawse and straps. Nearby are a few belts which are also used.

The collar, the cuffs, being in the dungeon and with the implements laid out beside me puts me into a submissive mood, approaching sub-space.

All my fetishes are being fed and my mind seems to still, to recede.

I become  slave.

Mistress arrives. She moves around me, checking me, then she selects something from my collection.

She stands in front of me. She is of course gorgeous and dressed in leather; leather skirt, leather corset, and two of my widest leather belts around her waist.

“Hands up slave,” she says quietly.

Holding a strap between her hands all my fetishes are lighting off. Unless it is the tawse. Then there is a feeling of concern knowing that it will hurt far more than the mere strapping she has or will give me.

How It Feels

Painful! Exciting. Embarrassing. Severe. Hyper fetish and kinky.

I feel embarrassed to have this in a session. I kneel in a submissive pose. I must present my palms and bear the inspection of the mistress and look into her eyes. I show her how weak I am when the pain she brings sears into me.

I am an office worker, I use the keyboard a lot and do all the normal things around the office and home. My hands not used to manual labor and hence not hard or calloused or rough.

While not delicate, my hands are sensitive and probably normal of most office workers.

When the strap comes own, ‘crack’, it stings and burns and hurts deeply.

When the tawse comes down, it feels like that and much more so.

Why - Oh Why Is This A Thing?

As with most things, there is more than one reason and it is also difficult to determine which of the reasons are more important.

In a session, I’m not sure I want a hand strapping, I am absolutely sure I NEED a hand strapping. That’s the way it feels.

For me the appeal is a ‘whole thing’ where the strict leather mistress makes me raise the hand then she gives me the hand strapping. There is the embarrassment of facing her and making myself take the strokes, to present the other hand, to try to endure. She is watching me, I watch mistress raise the strap, it is challenging. It is the way she is dressed in fetish, the setting in the dungeon, the submission to mistress, the implement and of course the pain.

Of all these things, the pain is least important – strange as it may seem. That is sort of a secondary by-product.

Writing this, I am introspecting, trying to define what it actually is that draws me back to getting a hand strapping. Where is it at?

Putting it down on a web page makes me relive the experience, to try to understand myself.

One thing that occurs that I’ve not seen anyone else mention is that hand strapping in a session has absolutely no subterfuge. There can be no denial of what’s happening. As it is happening it is all about a BDSM session with all the fetish and needs happening all at once. In other positions in the dungeon, with other things happening, I’m not facing the mistress. I’m not looking at the session face on, I can sort of avoid the whole thing a little by being in sub space with the imagination running riot.

Facing the mistress and watching her give a hand strapping is full on fetish and BDSM.

Wrapping it all up into one thing… I think the appeal is in facing the strict mistress as she hold the strap in her hands. She commands me, I comply, then I watch her with the strap. It is my submission.  I try as hard as I can to endure the strokes of the strap, and so she straps me harder. It seems to get deeply into me. I feel the embarrassment of being in front of her and facing her.

I feel the fetish so strongly and I look at the mistress and know it is something I must do.

Trying It Out At Home - Self Strapping

Get a leather belt, maybe an inch to an inch and a half wide. Then using just the end of it, bring it down on your open hand, down along the palm and onto the fingers. Make it crack down.

How many times can you do this and how hard? Can you do it hard three times? Make it six? I find that with all my experience only three or four is my limit.

Then if you own a tawse, that is a whole different thing. If you can give yourself two or three hard strokes of the tawse across your other hand, well done.

I’ve done this a few times. It is not very successful as I can’t apply the kind of force that a mistress in a session will do. I always chicken out far too early.

This was a revelation in my first pro-dom session many years ago. The mistress strapped me far harder than I had done for myself, and she gave me a lot more strokes. So many more, it was in the range of about 30 strokes to each palm, end on. Now in my sessions it is more than this and the tawse is used also leaving my hands red and shaking.

Did any of this rambling discussion bring any enlightenment? Please let me know.

Right now in Covid lockdown the thought of my next session is dominating me. What will I ask for?

I do know a hand strapping will feature. I feel another post coming on.

Posted on

Having A Belt Fetish

A Belt Fetish For Life

From my early teens I know I had a belt fetish. Mainly it was when a woman wore a wide belt, the wider the better and only of leather. If it was about two inches wide then it would draw my eyes like a magnet. Irresistible.

Men wearing belts don’t do it for me, nor do belts made with anything other than wide solid leather.

While I really don’t care for women’s fashions in general, I do take note of the belt trends. The 60’s, 70’s and 80’s had some lovely hip slung wide belts. These never cease to please.

Who wears the best belts? Google search “diane keaton belt” and you will be delighted if you have my fetish. She is on a level all her own when it comes to wearing wide belts.

I rate women’s belts. Diane Keaton would have to be a 10/10 every time. I have never seen her with anything more narrow than a 2 inch belt and 3 inch is the norm.

Leather belts are so useful for BDSM and the fetishist like me. My first bondage experience was with leather luggage straps, belts, and to this day I remember those life changing times.

Belts

Belts work so well at every level. They draw the eye, they make the mind wander. Round mistresses waist they trigger the leather fetish fully. Just picking one up and running it through the hands has its own special appeal.

Belt Fetish and BDSM

I have two 2 inch wide and quite thick leather belts that mistress wears in my pro-dom BDSM sessions. She puts them both around her waist and watching her do that is a special thing for me. It triggers all my fetishes.

For the last 2 sessions she’s worn one over the shoulder like a bandolier, the belt running between her breasts. For any kind of voyeur it is engrossing.

Mistress also paid me a compliment that I found surprising and endearing. Last session she showed me a new belt she’d bought saying she’d been thinking of me when she bought it. She wore it during session – and it looked absolutely fabulous too.

Seeing a woman put on a belt, seeing her take it off, seeing her adjust the belt round her waist is a huge high.

My brown belt is thicker and quite solid, the black is thinner and more supple. During the session mistress will run her hands along a belt, then take it off, double it then give me a strapping with it. Then she’ll put it back round her waist then later it will all repeat again and again.

Time and again mistress will caress the belt…take it off…fold it in half…use it…put it back on again slowly. And I will be closely watching her do that.

strap harness dress

I wish I could find a fish-bone harness (also known as a spine). They are a harness of a dozen  inch and a half wide straps totally wrapping the slave, strapping him up tight.

A strappy women’s harness dress is always good.

Bondage in belts works so well, at every level. Laying in tight bondage, unable to move, feeling the leather against the skin and even the small sounds of leather moving is just delicious.

When mistress buckles the straps up tight, and they wraps the wrists, ankles, knees and maybe straps running between them, slave is totally at her mercy.

Corporal From Belts triggers the fetish making the trip into sub-space quick. Mistress stands in front of slave and takes off her belt. She folds it in half, then gives slave a strapping with it, forcefully slamming the doubled leather down making gunshot loud cracks that echo out of the dungeon and down the corridor. Then and most importantly, she stands in front of slave as she puts it back on and adjusts it round her waist.

Collecting Belts

I haven’t collected a lot of belts, just maybe a dozen if you count stirrup straps as belts.

My two 2 inch wide belts mistress wears are firm favorites. They have roller buckles with a heavy duty feel to them, yet they sit so well on mistresses hips just drawing the eyes in. They were purpose made for me by a saddler. The thinner black belt is quite supple making it easy to accept a strapping from it, while the brown belt is thicker leather and quite severe. I’ve had so many strapping’s from them both, every session for maybe 10 years and usually more than one strapping of at least a dozen strokes a few times per session.

Purchasing women’s belts isn’t a thing for me. I can’t do it. It feels strangely wrong. it feels almost hypocritical to say that – it conjures up the feeling of stealing panties off the washing line (not something I’m into at all – each to their own – not for me).

I get my belts from a saddler – they are made to my specifications and it works well for me. Possibly they are not the cheapest, but the leather is absolutely first class. Some I’ve had for nearly 15 years and while the leather is a little scuffed in places, they are still absolutely excellent.

Stirrup straps are a mixed pleasure. The buckle on the ones I have is a little odd but they do work well for bondage even though they are a little stiff and coarse on the inside. For corporal, a strapping, I find them a little narrow and perhaps not severe enough. A few mistresses have given me some strokes with them but they haven’t really worked all that well.

Perhaps next time when you see a woman wearing a wide belt, or a rack of belts on sale – think of me and smile.

Posted on

My First Self Bondage

Luggage Straps For Self Bondage

Luggage straps are just about unheard of now, and if you do find them, they will be the nylon webbing kind, not leather. Nylon just doesn’t do it for me.

Luggage Straps

Growing up when I did, we didn’t have much money so quality suitcases were not a priority. How do you hold a poor quality suitcase shut? Use a leather strap and cinch it up tight. After the second world war, this was probably the norm and lasted certainly into my teenage years and later. I remember the suitcases we had were made of a very cheap type of thick cardboard or similar. The locks were cheap rubbish.

In the hall closet we had 4 straps. They were about five feet long and maybe an inch wide. The leather was of average quality and somewhat rough. They were not ‘dressy’ in the least. In hindsight, they were perfect.

For some reason when I was an early teenager, about 14 years old, one afternoon I took those four luggage straps into my bedroom and tied myself up with them.

I wrapped one strap around the ankles, another round the knees, and the third I buckled into a multi-turn loop then put my wrists through the loop. Using my teeth I cinched up the strap and now my wrists were bound in front of me.

In those days I was much more supple than I am now. Leaning forward I could get my bound ankles through my arms and now my wrists were bound behind me. Tightly. No matter what I did, I couldn’t free myself. That is until I was able to get my legs back through my arms and my wrists were in front of me again, and then use my teeth to loosen the strap.

With my hands behind me and laying on my front with my legs bound, my weight was on my front and hips. Squirming around, feeling the bondage, drifting in the escape and feelings of this I had my first climax when the friction on the front of my pants sent me over the edge.

I still remember this now, five decades later.

Self Bondage

Straps or cuffs wrapping the wrists.

Leather wrapping the circumference of the wrists, the ankles, the knees all feels so very good. It triggers the imagination releasing an endorphin rush.

Add a collar, a gag, add more and more straps around the chest and waist finishes it off nicely.

Why Did I do This?

That is the real question. To this day I have no idea why I did it. It just happened. I liked it, I had my first climax and I was addicted.

I do remember surprise as being a major factor of my first self bondage.

I have wondered about this a lot. Why did I choose those luggage straps? Why did I tie myself up with them? I am absolutely sure I had never seen anything even remotely like this in my life previously. I didn’t see it and say, ‘well, I’d like to try that on a rainy afternoon,’ or similar. The only conclusion is – it just is a part of me.

I do know that I liked leather far too much. It had a fascination, an appeal, it was something that did give me the silent quivers deep down inside. Touching those straps felt enormously good. I felt excited when I touched them, carried them, when I had anything to do with them. From my fascination with these straps, my belt fetish was completely logical.

This was clearly the time when my leather fetish was starting to kick in, and it has never let up since, over half a century later. Maybe the leather fetish, the desire to hold, to touch, to caress those straps was at the heart of it. With them on my bed, what else could I do with them? They were meant for tying up suitcases, why not tie up me?

Over the years that followed, a huge worry was being discovered, caught out, exposed when I was in bondage. I was terrified of that. It was so strong that I denied myself this release for long periods of time. Some of the porn on the internet deals with self bondage discovery which I find exciting.

Denial did not work well at all. If anything, that was even worse for me – and that is the basis for much of this website – and the subject for another post.

Posted on

How Do you know BDSM is For You

Is BDSM for You?

This will surely differ from person to person, but here are my experiences and thoughts. You can maybe get some feeling for yourself, if you are wondering if BDSM is for you.

The whole concept of bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism can seem strange to surreal. But for some of us it has a pull like gravity.

bdsm

For Me It Evolved

At about age 14 I tried self bondage, I have no idea why. It just sort of happened. And I liked it. A lot.

Over the years this became a regular thing. Tying myself up with belts became the illicit pleasure I could indulge in and get the release and gratification I wanted. At that time the term BDSM did not exist.

Why belts? It just is. I love them, the sensation, the visual, the whole thing. Rope, chain, anything else just does not do it. Again, this is part of me. Not learned. Not forced on me. It just happened.

When I had my first proper pro-Domme session in a dungeon corporal punishment happened and I loved it. The two sensations, the bondage and the corporal combined to produce an extremely strong response.

So, for me, it started with self bondage and then corporal was added.

I’ve looked at the internet, seen the huge range of other things that BDSM has to offer and for me, but I’ve stuck with the corporal and bondage.

There Are So Many Options

I remember in one session, the mistress had a huge jug of water she was drinking. She finished it then put it outside the dungeon on the corridor floor. A short while later there was a tap on the door. She got a fresh jug of water and was drinking that one. I asked her later about it – she said she had a golden shower session next. I wasn’t tempted.

Another mistress offered me some strap-on play. She even showed me her harness. I liked the leather harness, the whole pegging thing didn’t do it for me.

So, from the above, it is clear I have my own BDSM needs, desires, call them what you want – have been static. They haven’t morphed into other things.

I Was Born With This

The mistress I’m currently seeing was adamant that I was born this way, as are all her clients.

I can feel that within myself, it just is. I can’t explain it. Same as I can’t explain the other hobbies I enjoy – they just are.

What About you?

Do you think about some BDSM activity occasionally?

Is there some fantasy involving BDSM?

Have you looked it up on the internet, maybe looked for some porn featuring your special thing?

If any of those are true, then my guess is you will be doing some BDSM before too long.

Why I Went To a Pro-Domme

A few reasons. I suppose I never thought of going to a play party or joining a forum or group. I had seen some porn with mistresses and bondage and corporal and it looked hugely appealing. Also, well, it was quite a long time ago and the internet was in its infancy. Things like ‘Fetlife’ and all the other sites and forums didn’t exist then.

Next, I wanted to try with someone who was an expert, would not want any kind of emotional attachment, was in a private setting, and I could confide in.

Privacy was and still is a big thing. What happens in the dungeon stays in the dungeon.

Would I do it that way again? Yes I would. Sure there was a cost, but she met all my requirements and it ended well.

Would I recommend people thinking about trying some BDSM try a pro-Domm type session? Yes I would. You get to talk to someone totally non judgemental, professional, experienced and able to give you advice, options, and expose you to some things you might not have thought of.

Maybe the depth of play will guide you. For me the bondage and corporal are pretty full on. I want the undivided attention of the mistress, the private theater to focus on me. Then go home. If you are looking for a life-style type thing, for a life partner, for a dom or master or a 24/7 type arrangement, then clearly the pro-dom sessions are not for you.

Maybe you want a night out and some BDSM to be talked about, maybe watch some public play, maybe meet people into the scene? Again the pro-dom thing is not for you – join a forum, do some events. There are plenty around.

Bucket List To Try BDSM

The mistress I’m seeing said she recently had a client come to just try BDSM as it was on his bucket list. She smiled, nodded, then said he’d be back.

She doubted it was a bucket list thing – he must have had it inside him to try.

Posted on

Understanding The Need for BDSM

BDSM Is a Peculiar Thing

This is about my love for BDSM and how it has affected me and my perceptions for decades. Probably half a century.

A recurring theme for me is why do I need BDSM in my life? Mixed with that is self-examination of what it is that I like and what I get out of it.

Why Is BDSM a Peculiar Thing?

If you are asking that and BDSM is a part of your life like it has been for me, congratulations, you’ve achieved a level of acceptance far greater than I ever have and maybe ever will. I envy you. Seriously.

Maybe the test should be – you can comfortably go and tell your grandmother all about your BDSM needs. The degree of discomfort this produces can be the test of your acceptance level.

Sometimes I feel precious about this. Sometimes I feel that hey, it’s no big deal. Often I feel that me liking what I do like in BDSM and fetish is just not the same as what many would consider normal.

So why is it peculiar? I think because it goes against accepted norms, it challenges so many things I grew up with, and worst of all, it is different.

Does It Really Matter?

The answer should be NO. In reality, it only matters as much as you want it to matter.

The whole idea of BDSM, as far as I’m concerned, is that it is something that we are drawn to, we need, and it is something that happens between consenting people.

Sure, there is role play, fetish, pain, submission, dominance and any number of other factors that may be part of a BDSM session.

BDSM and fetish

Fetish and BDSM are intertwined

The incontestable thing is that it works. It slakes a need, it makes us feel good. Some times, it is more than good, it is necessary.

I know I feel at peace, massively at peace, after a BDSM session. The contrast before and after are significant and people around me notice.

Some Wild Theories - Some Real Options

When my wife and I discussed my BDSM needs she really struggled to get her head around it.

She wanted to find a reason why I like, need, bondage and corporal punishment. It was and is so alien to her that she felt there must have been a reason other than what I told her (it is just a part of me).

Mistreated as a child: Nope, didn’t happen. I genuinely cannot ever think of any event that may have triggered my BDSM side. Not one.

Was it Because Of School: No. I don’t think so. I wasn’t subjected to corporal punishment that I would consider grievous. Sure, a strap was used in the classroom, as that was what was used in those days, but I don’t feel any resonance with that in myself. I know that some BDSM people harbor serious issues with corporal punishment in their school years. For me, it is not really a factor.

Is It Sexual: Yes and no. It has a similar feeling to sexuality, at a similar depth and with a similar impact. I feel the need for BDSM play so strongly, as strongly as the need for sex, but sex doesn’t happen for me in my BDSM play. I may well be non-representative in this, I probably am, but sex itself is not a factor for me. It is at that level but it doesn’t include it. Imagine if you will; you love sex, you go without it for a long time, then you have wonderful sex. That describes my BDSM experience.

Been tortured in another life: First of all this requires a strong belief in reincarnation, something I struggle with. If I were to believe in it, why would being tortured in another life mean I seek corporal now? It doesn’t seem to follow.

Somehow needing punishment for something: This is may be a factor but I truly struggle with it. I’m a grown adult and I know I have nothing to atone for, nothing that I need punishment to make up for some short coming. This may well be a possibility, but I struggle with it.

The need give up control and to just feel: Yes. This is closest. I go through life having to make decisions, trying so damn hard to make everything work together and being responsible. In a pro-dom session I’m in bondage, gagged, and given corporal that dissociates me from reality. In a short time I leave this world and enter another, sub-space if you will. My whole world comprises the dungeon, the mistress, the bondage and the corporal.

The Need to Submit: Or dominate.This is, if you believe everything that is written, a huge motive for BDSM. In real life I’m not all that submissive. I run a department with a staff and must take responsibility as well as be in control. Submitting, letting go, truly is cathartic. It is a strong element – but not the totality of it for me.

Self Esteem. The Need To Be Accepted, To Be Worthy: I can feel the edge of this. By participating in a BDSM session the role play, the acceptance, the feeling of being accepted and self esteem are boosted. By participating, all of a sudden a better reality is created, a reality where you/I fit in better. A reality that is more welcoming, less stressful, far more in tune with the deep internal needs.

For The Fetish: Yes also. This is a huge part of it. The mistress delivering corporal and the bondage all feed the fetish I have. In combination it is so very strong.

The Need to Feel Something. This may seem odd, but  having to deal with all of life’s stresses, I know I become almost dissociated from life. Sometimes it can be so strong that I feel like an  observer, removed, not a participant. It is as if nothing touches me, or if it does, it is only superficially. In a BDSM session, heavy corporal lifts me out of this world and I feel it. I really feel myself shaken, shifted, I am engrossed in it. I feel it. It is almost as if I rejoin the human race after a session.

Have you Ever Had Depression? I have. For me it was self consuming, life draining and a very dark place. I felt at times all the negative emotions you can name, and a way out just didn’t seem possible. I know that I still suffer it at times, and I also know that a heavy corporal session lifts me out of it, big time. The shock to the system jars me away from thinking about my depression, any feelings of anxiety or self pity and replaces them with something else. All of a sudden I’m dealing with something vastly different and – – it feels good.

So What Is The Conclusion?

BDSM is just a part of me, the same way as my liking for other things is. I am drawn to it for no external reason, nothing caused it other than my own inner need.

What I get out of it is a deep inner fulfillment. This is hard to describe, but fulfillment is at the core. It includes an inner peace, an inner lessening of tension that at times is almost a panic that I need something to continue to exist.

That last sentence – yes – without my regular BDSM experience I think life would be more difficult. I would find my stability of mind compromised, my ability to deal with the real world degraded over time.

~~ In reality there is no one single reason ~~

Posted on

The Head Space Of Bondage

Bondage Is a Peculiar Thing

Thinking about it, bondage is all about head-space. Why would it be done otherwise? The feeling of restriction, the liking for how it is done and what is done are all about fetish, escape and submission. It is all rolled into one to produce a different level of consciousness.

Bondage is a strong affirmation of trust. To allow someone to put you into bondage, gagged, immobile and vulnerable is all about trust and submission. You trust the person to do this.

Bondage delights at so many levels but it also confounds. Time moves differently, the bondage experience changes perceptions and shifts the soul to new places and spaces.

At times in bondage in the dungeon it is as if a person looks down and says ‘why do you Iike this so much‘ but the undeniable fact is that it touches the soul deeply. And it is necessary. Thus is the contradiction of BDSM and fetish.

Even saying the word starts that tiny little piece of me thinking about my last session, and when can I have the next.

Bondage Is Many Things To Many People

We are all different. Why do we want bondage, why does it work, how does it work? The fact is that none of this matters. It is someting that pulls like gravity.

Bondage can be about submission, escape, fantasy, fetish – and I am sure there are other options for how and why people enjoy bondage.

I know for myself, it is a floating feeling, a feeling of quiet escape from reality that touches me as very few other things do.

Wrist cuffs

Wrist and ankle bondage

Wrapping the wrists and ankles, the feeling of restraints shift the perceptions. All of a sudden another reality begins to form.

Add a collar, a gag, some straps around the body to complete the bondage.

The more the body is restrained, the more inescapable the bondage, the greater the feeling of escape from reality, of release from tension, of peace.

To be in bondage is to be immersed in another world. Sublime.

Rope bondage

The more restriction, the deeper the feelings

ball gag

A simple ball gag enhances

Being gagged completes the bondage experience, affirming the slave truly is bound and under control. Nothing can change the outcome.

In a session, being gagged adds to the feeling of sub-space and submission.

Anything round the neck really pushes the headspace of bondage. A wide belt buckled firmly or a proper bondage collar really does add to the drifty dreamy feeling of bondage and submission.

Necks are a part of us that are surprisingly sensitive.

A simnple collar

Just a simple collar round the neck

Bondage is a peculiar thing. We give up the right to free movement and from that we gain so much. We free ourselves, we escape this reality, we devolve our mental state into another existence.

We give ourselves to someone else, for them to dominate and control. We are at their mercy. It is a two way street, we give them the power, they give us the release of the bondage and whatever else happens while in bondage.

Time in bondage is different. It is. It seems to slow, to change, to be so much more personal and intimate. Laying in bondage, the straps and belts, the collar and gag all tight and stopping movement and sound consume the soul. Moving ever so slight against the straps, feeling them on the skin, maybe hearing them creak slightly is sublime.

The materials matter. Bondage can be done with so many things, in so many ways. Some people prefer rope and this is a common thing. The love of jute or a particular type of rope used for bondage is easy to understand. For myself it is all about leather straps. These feed the whole fetish thing, make it stronger, work together.

Fetish comes into it of course. This determines how the bondage is done. Maybe handcuffs are something that excite, the thought of loss of control and the fantasy of being captured by the police kicks in. Perhaps chains are associated with being put in a dungeon and kept immobile for the master or mistress to use. It is all about the fantasy and what makes it more real.

Another form of restriction is a wet suit. At a simplistic level the form fitting tight wet suit insulates the body against the environment. The feeling is one of losing control, of tight constriction.

Bondage triggers escape and fantasy. These are strong for me. I feel myself regress and become much more submissive. The old me recedes into the background and life becomes so much more simple. I leave my cares behind. I am in bondage and at the mercy of others. My BDSM desires and needs feel this release and a deep deep peace pervades.

What is missing from my life that I need bondage? The answer is nothing. In my early teens I tried self-bondage for no other reason than it felt good.

I was just born this way. Decades of  introspection have shown me that there is no cause other than ‘it is the way I am.’ It is at the same level as liking one type of food and disliking another.

Posted on

Iced Bum After Corporal

My First Caned Bum

My first pro-domm BDSM session was in the early 2000’s and I remember it rather well. This anecdote revolves around an iced bum.

Let me explain.

I had never experienced corporal punishment in a BDSM session before and I found that I was marking up very badly. Basically, the welts from a medium severity strapping and flogging were looking awful.

The mistress asked me if it was OK to continue, and considering it had taken 3 decades to have my first session, I said ‘I put myself in your hands’ as there was no way I wanted to stop.

Anyway, the session went very well and I got a lot out of it, even the caning at the end. She’d given me a six-er and asked how it felt. I asked for more and harder so she obliged.

So all in all, though I’d never been caned before, it had gone well. The problen was that my bum was looking rather second best. It looked pretty red raw and devastated. I remember it certainly stung.

After my shower, the mistress went off to get some ice for me, something to take the swelling down. When she returned, she had a steel salad bowl with about a half a handful of snowy ice in it, looking like the scrapings from a refrigerator freezer compartment.

It looked SO tragic.

At that moment we bonded. We both looked at the ice, then we looked at each other. It was so totally inadequate we both came close to laughing. What was I to do? Sit in it? The amount of ice, the size of my bum, the marking of my bum – it just made it all the more funny.

Sitting in the car on the way home I was wishing I’d brought a pound of frozen peas to sit on. Like wow, the stinging was surprising. I was later to find that the welts lasted a full week.

Clearly a pristine bum not used to corporal was easy to mark.

Posted on

Trust and BDSM Play

Trust Is Core In BDSM

After so many years in BDSM, today I was reading about Trust in BDSM. It made me think about my sessions and the relationship between me and mistress. Trust is something I have taken for granted till now.

Here is a definition of trust; I am naked, my wrists cuffed and pulled above my head in suspension. Straps bind my legs and I’m tightly gagged. I can’t escape, I can’t make a sound. I can’t change the outcome. I have placed my body and my soul in the hands of mistress to do with as she wishes.

Then Mistress does as she wishes; Mistress picks up a prison strap. It is a replica of what was once used to beat prisoners in Canadian prisons. It is one of the more truly formidable instruments of punishment. She takes her time. She runs the strap through her hands as she savours the moment before she uses it. And then she does. I must take what she gives.

In session, it is all about trust. The sub, the slave, is given body and soul to the mistress, to the dom. The whole session is based on trust, empathy, and a connection between the players.

Mistress takes the prison strap then disciplines her slave just as she knows he needs it. Hard.

Slave places his self in her care, for her to deliver the punishment he craves.

Prison Strap

Almost designed to test trust

The hand providing support

Trust enables all players – trust is core.

Truth in admitting our needs, in defining play, is all based on trust. Trust lets the players move forward to achieve their goals.

BDSM is based on trust.

Heavy Corporal and BDSM Is Not Abuse

Heavy corporal punishment and bondage is the focus in my sessions. But this applies equally to other kinds of play.

The session leaves the slave in an altered state of euphoria. There can be many reasons a person seeks this out and operating at different levels. But the key feature is that the slave, the sub, seeks this out. Abuse is not a factor.

Always, the slave will work with the mistress, the dom, to define what is to happen. There will be some form of a script that will be followed to give the slave what is needed. This is called safe, sane, concensual play.

Even in Extension or No Limits sessions the mistress will always use judgement. When to stop will always be the most important consideration.

Same if the slave is needing a Judicial session which is designed to punish and push the limits without the slave being able to change the course of the session.

Any respectable and experienced mistress or dom will take into account how the slave is faring. For challenging sessions, this will not going to be the first such interaction – there will be experience between the participants on which to base how the session proceeds.

These are all reason I use pro-Dom mistresses in established premises. I know I can trust them, I place myself in their care.

What About Other Kinds Of Play

I dont have experience with them. I talk about what I have done, experienced, and have feelings for.

However, the whole Trust Dynamic will be happening. In traditional dom/sub play the sub will trust the dom to take care of them. To observers it may be tough love – punishments, restraints – positions and situations designed to test the sub. But that is the play.

Some forms of bondage are also based on a great deal of trust. Vac-beds which confine and restrict the vitim extremely heavily are another example. The players will have a trust relationship in play.

How Is It For You? Does this ring true when you think about it?

Posted on

Changing Mistresses

Twenty Mistresses in Fifteen Years

I’ve seen many mistresses in my time. A valid question is, “Why have you seen 20 Mistresses and not settled on one or two?”

Well the reasons are quite simple and instructive.

Some I’ve had a falling out with, some have left the scene, one died, some were just not for me.

Here are some anecdotes.

Bust Up

My first Mistress and I became quite friendly, not intimate (get that out of your head), but we did enjoy each others’ company outside of a session. We could talk to each other and had a similar world view, shared interests and a shared similar sense of humor. Over that time I indulged myself with her, sending her bigger and bigger emails about my problems and not being much of a friend back to her. Perhaps I abused our friendship.

Our friendship ended when she sent me a stinker of an email that left me in no doubt that she wanted nothing more to do with me. It was the most brutally rude and deliberately hurtful email it was possible to receive. To my discredit I tried to contact her a few years later but she thankfully ignored that stupid advance of mine.

Then some years later and rather amusingly, she started working at the establishment I was going to. She was even scheduled onto the same and only day that the Mistress I visited worked. Unfortunately the Mistress I was seeing only worked one day of the week otherwise I would have changed my visits. Of course the inevitable happened when I was leaving the dungeon after a very pleasant session, eye contact between me and my first Mistress was made and words were not spoken. Email was not exchanged. She did look good in the skin tight rubber cat suit though.

Leaving The Scene

Quite a few Mistresses left the scene, some for other employment, one left the city for a warmer climate, some because the establishment I visited closed.

One left to another state which had more liberal sex worker laws. She felt like her life was made too difficult to remain.

Breast Cancer

One Mistress died. She was gorgeous, an ex-model with peaches and cream complexion, very tall and slim, lovely to talk with and she was excellent in a session.

She loved the whole corporal and bondage theme and seemed to be a natural at the whole thing enjoying the role-play of a strict Mistress disciplining a slave. Most of all, sessions with her whilst being nicely intense and ‘forceful’ were still fun.

I was extremely upset when she died after a protracted battle with cancer. I learned later that many of her clients attended the funeral and I wish I had done that. I assumed, wrongly, that it wasn’t the accepted thing.

Another Bust Up

I had a falling out with another Mistress I had nine sessions with.

She was very tall and slim and athletic, another ex fashion model. She really loved heavy corporal to the extent it could not be faked. She was really into it.

On our second session she said she’d had a little upper body stiffness and muscle pain after the first session but she’d been working out.

My goodness, she loved my implements so much so I even had a copy of a favorite strap of mine she liked, made specially for her by a saddler.  It was the off billet strap, the ‘prince of straps’ as I commented to another mistress recently.

She said she used it on some other clients who squealed which I believe as it is a very severe implement if used with any force (which she would have).

Anyway, she had an enormous fight with the establishment I was going to. I didn’t ask for details but she was absolutely furious and insisted I have nothing to do with that place again. She said it was unprofessional and not a nice place. Over the ensuing weeks my needs grew and grew as they do; the longer without a session the more they grow.

We exchanged email, she wasn’t able to find another dungeon to work at then she exploded in rage when I told her I was going to see someone else. She then moved to another city then left the country to work in Europe.

No Idea Why I Saw Her Again

One Mistress I saw three times and in hindsight I don’t know why. She was nice enough as a person and the corporal was OK and the session was OK but she was plainly a bit out of her depth.

On talking with her it came out she’d been abused as a child, then abused by partners, then had problems in her life.

She said she was returning to university and working three jobs; waiting on tables, as a cleaner, as a dominatrix. One day she just left and never came back. I didn’t have a fight with her, she just left.

A Broken Rib

As mentioned previously, i broke a rib on a session once. It was in a dungeon I didn’t like and the mistress and I just seemed to not really connect.

I share the blame for the broken rib and also, for accepting the dungeon that was not my preference.

I never saw this mistress again. Maybe I should have given her a second chance.

Almost But Not Quite Right For Me

One Mistress worked out of a large inner city brothel. The dungeon is quite small and I found it had too much equipment for the space. She was very good and the only Mistress to offer me hand relief. When I declined she said, “Should be more like you.” I found the session with her to be somewhat lack luster. There wasn’t a connection.

The other thing is I thought she wasted time in the session. It just didn’t seem to flow. Next, she was super sure of her self, almost arrogantly sure and that rankled. I never went back again. She is quite prominent in the industry.

There were a few Mistresses like this. The gut-feel just didn’t work.

The Princess

One mistress was quite young and she really did have some personality issues. I suspected at the time she’d been told how beautiful she was one too many times, and that affected her attitude, badly.

The session was just plain average. She was not really into it and I felt she would have rather have been checking her mobile phone for messages or whatever.

The thing that absolutely stopped me from ever wanting another session with her was the comment, ‘If I have to sweat, you pay me cash.’ A sweet young thing!

Any Conclusion?

So those are the reasons. Of the ones where they were just not for me, maybe half of them were because I didn’t read their profiles properly.

The remainder are the luck of the draw. Some mistresses I feel an immediate connection with and we have multiple to many sessions. I think there have been about 3 mistresses I’ve had 8 or 9 sessions with then they’ve left the industry.