My BDSM session focuses on Corporal Punishment and Bondage
The purpose of this post is to give a perspective of pain in a BDSM session, the why and the how of it. I know that use of pain in BDSM is something people struggle to understand. Here is my perspective.
Just so you understand, to set the scene, I had a BDSM session 7 days ago. It featured me being tied up with leather straps (bondage) and heavy corporal punishment from a leather clad dominatrix. She used belts, straps, tawse, canes and a prison strap on me. And I loved it.
These implements were all used on my butt hard enough to leave welts for a few days. My hands were strapped and tawsed hard enough to leave them bruised and tingling for three days.
This kind and level of corporal punishment I would have called as a ‘medium’ intensity session, maybe a fraction more but not much more.
In previous sessions I’ve been strapped and caned so hard my butt has become leathery and had blood on it from a number of places, the bruising showing up purple and black for nearly a week
For this session I asked the mistress for a ‘medium but as she wishes’ as I’d not had a session for 13 months and hence felt my tolerance and the ability to endure corporal punishment would be down, reduced.
Just so as you know, I wanted this, and I really really enjoyed it both as it happened and later when I felt the effects.
Also, so there is no misunderstanding and to put context into it, I don’t have an orgasm in the session, I don’t have sex in the session nor given any intimate touching or hand relief etc. I get corporal and bondage – pure and simple.
Google Pain and BDSM
If you do an internet search you can pretty much find any reason to have or not have anything in your life. The total spectrum of human interaction and possible end results is damn near infinite. It becomes problematic to find something that is definitive that targets what you are really wanting to know.
Also, the intelligence and the wisdom of the people giving the information may not be helpful. Do they truly understand what they are talking about, or is their study based on academic and scientific grounds with little feeling for the topic?
Getting the right answer can be totally subjective to all parties; the writer and the reader. And thus it is for me.
In my experience I feel many articles miss the point with pain and BDSM more often than not. Sometimes they miss a central and blindingly simple explanation for things.
For Me...
For me, pain in a BDSM session is an experience, a feeling not stigmafied or rejected because it is pain. It is a transport mechanism, it promotes a feeling of relief, it is nothing and everyting. It is contradictory and perplexing to many, to me it just is.
There is a difference in what I present here to many other writings on the internet – I offer information from the first person perspective.
When I’m questioned by my wife as to how I can accept what I do, I think the worst thing about pain in BDSM is my inability to bring understanding. It is totally foreign to others. Trying to explain it is so damn difficult.
I get the question, “but it hurts. How can you want that?”
I give the answer “It’ contexual, part of the total experience of the session, it captures and transports.”
And so it is with searching for ‘bdsm pain’ and various combinations. Expect to be confused.
I Never Saw Myself as a Masochist
Even now, writing that, I find it difficult to identify as being a masochist.
I don’t like pain outside of a BDSM session. A splinter, a stubbed toe, and the list gos on for painful thing I hate.
But in a BDSM session I ask for heavy corporal punishment and expect to be pushed to my limit for accepting something that is inherently painful. I pay good money for it. I keep coming back. I ask the mistress to push me. A caning hurts. The tawse across the palms is excruciating.
So by defninition I must be a masochist. Strangely enough I struggle with that.
Is It The Endorphin Rush?
There may well be an element of this in the experience.
But I believe saying it’s endorphins is a cop-out if I said it applied to me.
It’s an easy way to justify something, to make people reach some kind of understanding even thought it is probably not correct. It is the easy out.
The more I think about it, the less this suits me. I feel the pain, it gets in, it is difficult to accept. I don’t feel a high from it, I don’t get a massive erection or have some kind of frisson of delight with a particularly painful cane or strap or tawse stroke.
They all hurt. They hurt a lot. I don’t feel a pleasure from it.
I push my butt out for more, to invite more down. I ask for the tawse across the palms knowing how devastating it will be. I feel embarrassment when my face screws up after the tawse lashes down, then I life my hands up for more, dreading it, yet needing it, watching mistress as she puts the tawse up ready for the next stroke.
Then when it is delivered, I feel the pain, I want it to stop, yet I want more of it. I feel challenge as it is happening, relief when it stops, then dissappointment when it is over.
More than anything, I feel the challenge to accept the pain. I feel the need to feel the pain, to really be engrossed in it. I feel relief from the pain, the pain sending me elsewhere and almost out of body.
The pain in bondage while gagged, delivered by a dominatrix in the dungeon is so vastly different to any other kind of pain I have received. It just feels different.
The pain makes me feel, the pain sends me elsewhere and nowhere.
As I said to my wife, it is contextual – in the BDSM session it just works.
We are conditioned to shun pain
All our lives we know pain tells us something is going wrong. We’ve stubbed a toe, broken a bone, have some issue etc.
And that is good. Without pain telling us there is a problem we might die from simple things that should have been treated. We know that ignoring pain is very bad for all the same reasons.
Cutting To The Chase
I get pain in my BDSM sessions and it works for me. Simple. Take that in. It works for me.
Have I explained it properly? Do you understand? Does it make sense? Does it need to make sense?