Silent Quivers for BDSM first blog

This is a Blog on the inner silent quivering that BDSM has created in me for most of my life.

The Blog has anecdotes, information, session examples and plenty of real world information. I’m also adding some free stories that build on may favorite theme of corporal punshment and bondage.

I can only talk from my own perspective, and from my own experiences which may well be different to many others. Please excuse me if I go against conventional wisdom – as I said – this is all from experience.

If You Want to Read About....

My most recent BDSM session. It is Here.

Talking about Pain in BDSM. It Is Here.

My long journey into BDSM and kink. It Is Here.

A free story about Robyn getting corporal with a happy ending or two. It Is Here.

From the above, the blog has a wide mix of content – real life and absolutely fictitious. Enjoy.

As an older person it has been difficult

This is a recurrent theme for me. In my life the whole BDSM thing has gone from perversion to becoming almost accepted in mainstream conversation. That is a huge thing.

The way psychiatric illnesses are categorized has also changed. The psychiatric manual “DSM-5” does not generally classify BDSM as a disorder, though there are sub-categories that are. This is a huge change. Instead of a blanket categorization, there is now an acceptance of different types of play for different types of people. Some may be problematic, others not. All to the good.

I also see the commendable attitude of younger people in accepting, embracing, and self honesty with BDSM. They are, as far as I have seen, far better that I ever was in this.

Real Life - First Person BDSM Information

Other than the stories which are deeply fictional – everything else is based on my own experience, feelings, research into this dynamic of BDSM.

For me it has been a life quest.

Maybe the anecdotes may sound a little odd at times, but they are true. For example, the mistress who had her tawse chewed by her dog is a classic. Another is when the building I was being sessioned in was under renovations and the builders nail guns were drowned out by the gunshot loud cracks from the firmly swung belt. Then the nail guns fell silent making me wonder if they were standing there in mid-build, listening with wide eyes and open mouths…. All good fun.

However, if you are in the situation where you feel your life is difficult because of this inner need, this special need for BDSM then I hope you get value from this Blog and the effort I have put into it.

Being Precious About BDSM

I’m sorry I sound like I’m harping on about this topic, but you see, it has been such a problem to me over the years that I can’t do anything else.

I’ll try to tone down the angst-index after this post.

Being Age-ist.

I think that people of my (advanced) vintage feel the BDSM stigma far more than the younger set. I’m sure of it. I have been to a few play parties, a few years ago, and the much younger people there were vastly more comfortable with the whole dynamic than me.

I remember commenting to one young man in his late twenties that his generation looked vastly more honest. He was surprised at this. I said it was self honesty in that they looked to embrace their inner feelings better and also honesty with others in discussions. Both these things have been issues for me. He was surprised as it came from someone old enough to be his father, and that I actually said it.

That is a thing. The younger generation, in their twenties, thirties, and maybe early forties are vastly more accepting. They probably don’t understand my issues as it is foreign to them and their perceptions. My comment would be ‘how lucky you are.’

Time Has Helped

It has, isn’t that obvious. Sorry. Take it from someone who has been a keen observer of trends in this area, it is absolutely true that the whole BDSM thing has changed dramatically in the last two decades.

No longer is it an utterly taboo and a perverted topic. No longer is it seen as a mental illnes. it has become something that is almost accepted. Or, maybe seen as an alternative type pass time, a little odd maybe.

Just recently in the local newspaper it was mentioned that a woman was into bondage. Publishing that and some broad details was just such a difference to my earlier years. Then it would have been reported as at best being ‘alternative’ or more likely  perverted.

The Fifty Shades Thing

I haven’t read the books, though I have skimmed a few pages. While the topic is pretty much on trend for BDSM, and we have a millionaire etc in the mix making it totally unrepresentative of most BDSM play, it has huge relevance. It has brought the whole thing out of the closet. It has helped me.

I’ve seen the Fifty Shades being criticised as being hugely unrealistic, stupid, strange, poorly written etc. I don’t care. It has given some legitemacy to the whole BDSM community. My feeling is that if it’s not being spoken of in a bad light, that’s all to the better.

Yes. Overall. I think it has brought BDSM into a mainstream acceptance. It has done a lot of good for the genre.

Now someone can say ‘spanking’ and ‘bondage’ then the whole Fifty Shades thing is suddenly brought into focus and a default acceptability results.

All of a sudden mums and dads can get a feeling that it’s not that bad because they made a movie for general release out of it. And on the basis of this the Fifty Shades topics and play have become a staple of other TV and movie shows.

The Biggest Change

For me and it is obvious from the above, the biggest change has been the better acceptance of BDSM as a socially accepted pass time.

Now it is seen as just maybe a little odd, a little kinky, maybe a little out there and that’s about it. Suddenly we are not perverts or worse.

Now people are able to admit to it and not feel traumatised and worry about perceptions. There is a stable-base to point to (the Fifty Shades thing).

Now also the internet is so much more available to all. It has so much more information and the people providing it are vastly more open minded. Society is changing, hopefully for the better.

What do you think? What has been your experience?

Words Matter In BDSM Play

The negotiation or consultation time before a session is when you lay out what your expectations are. You will be speaking with a mistress, master, or play partner. Of vital importance is that you are both on the same wavelength.

You should never assume anything. Assumptions are the first step to disappointment.

Words Matter

Do you want a beating or a caning? They are different words and have different connotations the mistress may interpret differently to you.

I hate the word ‘beating’ as it avoids my fetist for belts and straps. I ask for a strapping. Lots of strapping. The mistress knows where my fetish really is.

What About Play Other Than Corporal

The same rules apply.

I like bondage but with belts and straps. I never ask to be tied up. That can involve rope and chain. Neither of these work for me.

I ask to be strapped up in bondage. To be strapped down to the bench (not tied with rope of course). That sort of thing.

So I am careful to use the right words.

For you, what is your fetish, what is your desire? Make sure you use the words that highlight it, make it plain.

Dealing With A Happy Ending

This has never been an issue for me, but I know mistresses who have complained bitterly that a client only mentions tis at the end of the session.

Most mistresses don’t offer sex. Hand relief however is often available. Also mistress may offer other services via other staff. If you want sex then maybe a service provider is available for that.

So, when you are setting up a pro dom session, make sure you are explicet and have no ambiguity.

Asking for a happy ending is not a very specific request. I am sure all the mistresses I have seen would query you and ask for more information.

Words Matter!

A Strap Called Curem Quick

The strap in my school was an accepted teaching aid. When you got strapped by a teacher, we called this ‘the cuts‘ as I guess that was an element of how it felt. It is a sharp stinging pain. I never heard of anyone actually being cut or blood or other damage other than to the ego and a little pain.

All Teachers Had A Strap

In grade five my teacher was Charlie and he was a regular user of the strap. He was renowned for it. We called teachers like this ‘strap happy’ as they tended to use it a lot.

The female teacher next door would send her students into our grade when they were naughty. Charlie would line them up then crack his strap over their palms one at a time. Think about that; she would send her students into another grade for corporal punishment, to get the cuts from our teacher. And that was normal.

For the reluctant visitors to our grade it would have been a difficult and trying experience I am sure. When you were in school, you never knew what another teacher was like and standing at the front of a different grade and having to put your hand out for the strap would have been horrid. Charlie also had a reputation as being a hard strapper so that would not have helped one little bit. Yet it happened.

Anyway, Charlie got sick of this and one day sent his strap back to the teacher so she could keep it and use it. For some reason, being a woman or being new to teaching, she didn’t have a strap till then. I don’t remember Charlie ever being without a strap so be must have replaced it quickly or had a spare.

Back to the story – Our Grade Six Teacher

In grade 6 we had a new teacher to the school, a Mr P who had moved from another school. Unlike all the other male and probably all the female teachers, he didn’t have a strap.

I remember him as being an OK kind of teacher. Not overly strict, not slack, not a ‘screamer’ or inclined to anything. He was a fairly typical teacher. My previous year teacher ‘Charlie’ was very strict and was dead keen with his strap which I got twice from him.

One thing Mr P did was to seat all the boys with girls. In those days we sat at 2-person desks with wooden lift up lids, a flat board to sit on and a flat board behind to lean against. There was no padding or softness to it. By today’s standards they were pretty Spartan.

I was seated next to Erin G, the daughter of the bar owner across the road. Mr P would have his lunch there on Friday which amused us.

As mentioned, the strap was in common use in my era and the technique was always the same. A good hard crack across the palm. Usually the miscreant was called out the front of the class and one stroke was given. I remember it as hurting but not all that much. The embarrassment of every other eye on the class watching was worse. I’ve never liked being the focus of attention.

In his first few weeks, as I remember, he said he’d lost his strap and that it had a name, ‘Curem Quick‘ which made us nervous.

‘Cure Them Quickly’ was the obvious implication as a dose of his strap would turn unruly children into little angels.

He said he called it ‘Mr Quick’ usually. I remember he said Mr Quick the teaching aid had once been mentioned in a school pamphlet as producing excellent results. The corporal punishment humour of the period was a little odd I suppose but it shows the acceptance of it.

Since he didn’t have a strap, we were quite pleased with that. The point of this anecdote is that one of the other kids in the grade told his mother that Mr P didn’t have a strap.

No Strap? Mrs T to the Rescue

One day Mr P made an announcement, he had a new strap and it had been given to him by Mrs T, mother of one of the boys in the grade. This was not particularly good news and I remember we were very quiet at that news.

With that he flourished it. I remember it as being a light tan in color and about a foot and a half long, maybe an inch and a half wide. I don’t remember if it was made from a belt or a piece of saddle leather. I never got up close and personal with it.

Common folk lore among us kids was that the teachers ‘starched’ their straps to make them stiffer and hurt more. Thinking about it, it was ridiculous. It was likely the stiffer straps were just dry and needed oil or were cut from stiff saddlery.

Also, I never heard of or saw a split strap, also known as a tawse. These were unheard of with us. I was later to learn that split straps have a very much increased sting to them. But that’s another story.

Anyway, Mr P’s strap was not stiff. I remember it as being much like normal belt leather and perhaps it was. Then to show his prowess he offered a stroke of his strap to the palm of anyone who wanted to try it. A taster I suppose.

In my day all the desks were lined up in rows from the front of the room to the back. I think there were 3 rows(?) of about 5 desks(?) making 30 students. More? Probably, as class sizes were quite large in those days.

“Who Wants To Try It,” which is not exactly what he said but you get the idea.

Trying Out The New Strap

Anyway, Mr P walked up each row and looked at each student. Some put their hands out and got the strap. Others didn’t.

I remember quite a few girls did, maybe because they didn’t normally get the cuts (as we called it) usually. Karen D the local doctors daughter did as did Erin G who sat next to me.

To my unending shame I did not put my hand out. I just couldn’t.

I remember Mr P looked at me. I remember him offering to give me a stroke of the strap and I think I remember his surprise that Erin who sat next to me got the cuts and I didn’t. I wimped it.

Why didn’t I? I remember the cuts didn’t hurt all that much. I think now, after all these years, it was the secret feeling that it meant something more to me than a simple slap on the hand with a leather strap. It wasn’t something I could pass off and forget. It wasn’t that I thought was damaging or abusive or evil (pick any and all similar options). Getting the strap was special to me.

Anyway, this was the first workout of the new strap. I never did get the cuts off Mr P and only one other boy did. I remember him crying. We didn’t see the event, just saw him crying and looking upset later. Mr P must have given it to him hard. Thinking back, it was pretty awful, barbaric in fact.

All of this raised questions. Firstly that Mrs T had a strap, so a mother strapped her son at home? I remember being surprised at that. Then the next question, what did she replace it with, something worse or bigger? I don’t remember the woman but her son was a live wire. I remember him as short and often in trouble.

So, getting the cuts in school was normal. In those days the parents would have received the same and it wasn’t commented on. “Oh, so you got the strap at school dear, that will teach you,” was the attitude.

I remember staying at a friends house one night. His mother and sister were talking and he mentioned he’d got the cuts at school. Both his mother and sister had been amused by it. His ability to talk about something like that defeated me. I just couldn’t talk about it.

School days.

Strong Words That Helped

It was in about 2005 when I sought professional help as my life was in crisis. Things had got vastly out of hand. I was a mess.

I saw a local psychologist  which was the best thing I ever did. She provided insights that made a life changing difference to me.

‘What does denial bring’ were the first words she said that hit me hard. It was obvious to her and probably to anyone reading this that I was sufferig from trying to hide my inner self. It was equally obvious to her that I should do something about it and this was the first step in that process.

‘BDSM does not make you a bad person’ was another set of strong words she gave me. These helped absolve me of guilt. In my state, that was a revelation.

I don’t know why you don’t have a BDSM session’ was another set. I described to her my inner longing and what I had fantasized about for years. She could see the turmoil in me and she said those words. They were again revelatory in that someone could accept me even knowing that.

‘The BDSM session does not lessen who you are.’ This was almost a repeat of the second thing, but it was in reference to my position as a manager, as a husband and father.

I Recommend Seeking Professional help

If you feel lost, abandoned, prone to depression and panic attacks then it is vital you seek help. You are not alone and help really is available.

If your state of mind has this BDSM thing in there, lurking, destabilizing you then take heed. You are just like me and again, help is readily available.




The Prince Of Straps

Good horse and tack shops offer a wide range of gear to suit wide ranging needs of horse and riders. I find myself scouting them regularly, looking for items that can be pressed into service.

This is an Off Billet Strap. It is used to attach the girth to a saddle on the off-side of a horse. It is a beautiful piece of leather.

I found this one made of thick leather, 2 inches wide and 18 inches long just begging to be put to use in a session.

As for severity, when used with force as most mistresses tend to do, I find it nearly as effective as the Canadian Prison Strap. That’s why I named it to a mistress as ‘The Prince Of Straps.’

Do be careful if you mail order one. Some are now made of nylon (and that just will not do). Some are narrower and some are made of latigo leather which just does not look anywhere near as good as the one above.

There is also a half breed strap used in a similar way for attaching a girth to a saddle. This is over twice as long and while I don’t own one, it looks a little long for our specialized use. Then again, when it comes to collecting gear fopr BDSM play, all straps are good!

Repairing A Prison Strap

I bought a Canadian Prison Strap from Adam And Gillian Sensuous Whip and Toys. As a play implement, it is a serious item at about three feet in length and three inches in width. One look at this and there is absolutely no doubt what it is used for.

The design is based on an actual strap used to punish prisoners. The leather of the strap end is ‘sole bend’ which means it is used for the soles of shoes. It is extremely dense and hardly bends when you hold it out flat. Two rows of holes along its length just add to the aura of it being a serious punishment instrument.

When I meet a new mistress, this strap is something they inspect closely and just about universally admire. I had one amazonian mistress who would give me a dozen strokes cold, at the start of session. And then a caning. If you want some serious corporal, that will do it.

Well, mine started to come apart. The handle is made of multiple layers of leather all sandwiched together to make it thicker and easier to hold and control. The problem was that it was coming apart. Separating. The glue used was clearly not up to the task considering the use it was being put to.

I have been using a saddler at a horse and tack shop for years. She made me quite a few belts and some items that were clearly meant for corporal punishment. This strap was in a new league.

Well, I called to make sure she was in, then put the strap into its cardboard case and took it in. Making sure no one was watching I pulled it out and showed her. She looked up at me. She looked down at the strap. Then she sighed, ‘oh dear oh dear’ she said.

Happily, a week later I dropped back in and she’d stitched it. She said it was the toughest leather she’d ever had to sew and it gave her a lot of trouble. But it was good as new. Since then it has been used quite a lot, in every session, and it has held together.

The Knowledge Base

How to Tie Everything Together

With a half dozen blogs in my new site, I started to wonder about people visiting with specific questions. how would they best search the blogs and how would they answer their questions.

Adding a knowledge base feels like a good fit.

The goal is to index or at least group blog posts into knowledge base articles.

Some things like, for example, how to choose a mistress really are quite thorny topics. I have experience with this, I have anecdotes and I have plenty of ideas that may help. Here is a link!

So – please do checkout the knowledge base.

Beaming Smiling Mistress

Mistress Has Needs Also

A mistress I’d seen a half dozen times or more was positively beaming when I met her in the waiting room for a session. She looked extraordinarily happy and I made that comment.

She looked delighted that I’d noticed. “I just had a sub session, I need them occasionally,” and she pointed to some whip marks on her arms. They looked about ½ inch wide and where along the top of her arm and disappeared under her leather dress by the shoulders. I imagine she’d been suspended and whipped. She seemed quite happy about it.

I had never thought of mistress as needing her own relief, her own grounding via a BDSM session and some corporal. But it seemed she did.

Bullwhips And The Ambidextrous Mistress

Two (Stereo?) Bullwhips

You’ve probably got the idea already. One mistress loved using the bull whip and was ambidextrous. Well, she had me lay down on the bondage bench, strapped me down with a fine collection of leather straps, then put a folded towel over the middle of my back.

Then taking up two bull whips, one in each hand, she proceeded to crack them over my butt in turn, crack-crack, crack-crack. It was painful but even though it was about 10 years ago, I seem to remember not all that painful. A good hard caning made far more of an impression.

One thing about this mistress that was concerning though. When she was getting into it, really getting into it, she had a habit of taking a really deep breath. You could hear it distinctly. At the time it sounded a bit like she was losing control, going to go maybe too far in the session.

Not long after this session she left my city. She didn’t like the weather all that much. She wanted to live somewhere warmer.