I hope that the lines between fact, real life and fiction in this site have not become blurred.
I was recently contacted by a reader. I was slow, very slow in responding – then I got an email that I felt was the result of the reader feeling I had ignored him, or I am a complete faker. ‘Fake’ was the word used. He sounded rather upset at me.
I freely admit I was slow – and there are reasons I won’t go into – but I was slow.
Well, I then sent an apology, went into some detail about what I’ve been up to – and of course I’ve heard no more from this person.
Maybe my email went into his spam folder- so I won’t judge.
I also emailed a Mistress wanting a slave for a photo shoot. She didn’t respond either.
HANDS UP!
Fake? Fiction? Role play? Does it matter?
Role Play And BDSM
Role play is something I love – and it bears zero relationship with real life. I just love the strict mistress ordering me to put up my hands then she measures the belt, the strap, the tawse across my hands then she uses it. It is all about my fantasy and my needs for corporal punishment.
To live out the fantasy, to make it come true and have it meet expectations is so powerful.
Speaking From the Heart
I do tend to agonize far too much over this BDSM thing that has been in my life for half a century now.
I would hope those posts, just like this one, are easily seen and understood to be about a real person and a real life.
Real life can be such a difficult place to inhabit. Sometimes my need for BDSM controls me in its strength. It truly is my silent quiver, my secret passion.
My logical brain that is the me for my everyday persona of being a husband, a brother, a father all go counter to my needs for BDSM and what I need in that BDSM. This causes mental friction, a mental imbalance.
I know if I go without it I get cranky and ‘difficult’ my wife says. Then when I have it, I find the attraction to be massively lessened and I question my sanity – but that doesn’t last long as the need rises again.
Why on earth would someone want to be put into tight leather bondage then be given corporal punishment by a dominatrix, given it so hard that the skin often breaks and bruises last a week? That feels soo illogical, yet it also becomes so necessary for me.
The answers to that can only be understood properly by someone like myself who needs that experience. All I can do is give the same answers many ways, over many different posts and hope they make sense.
Sure my BDSM is a retreat, an escape, an endorphin rush, a slaking of the deep fetish – but it is absolutely a strong need that waxes and wanes as time passes.
For me my BDSM sessions with a great Mistress turn fantasy into reality for a short time. They are immersive, filling me totally, leaving me completely surrendering to the experience. Nothng else, no one else, the session with the Mistress and the bondage and corporal are everything .
It could almost be called the ultimate escape. The sessions being a sensory and emotional overload.
My fantasy of being in tight leather belt bondage then to be disciplined by a strict leather clad dominatrix is so very strong. Mistress makes it happen.
I once saw BDSM sessions described as ‘Private Theatre’ and there is a strong element of truth to this.
Is this fake of me writing about my bdsm sessions? No. I doubt I could write about this for so long and in so manty ways if I was making it up.
I sit here now thinking about my previous session, and about my next session. I am seriously debatiung if I should have anothe cold caning and cold prison strapping session. That extreme experience is calling me. Yet at the same time I want to see the Mistress take a belt off, fold it over then use it. I want to prolong the experience, and the contradictions within me make it difficult.
I feel the need within me deep and strong making itself felt all through me. I long for that drive to the venue, that wait in reception for Mistress, our discussion is a highlight, then that short walk as I follow Mistress into the dungeon. I long for that anticipation of each phase of having a session.
Of course my stories are another matter entirely. While they may have some small basis in fact, in real life, they in general are massively the works of kinky fiction.
Play safe, play happy – ‘Trikki.