Self Image and BDSM
From an early age I had a fetish that stayed with me for life. Then over the years BDSM became something that was my secret passion – my silent quiver.
This had a significant effect on me. I found in my teens that I struggled to fit into my peer group. Sure, I was a bit nerdy, but deep down I feel I saw things differently and I know I had self confidence and self esteem issues. In my 20’s I struggled to meet people and relationships eluded me.
I am sure this was all based on my upbringing and the era I was born into.
What is fetish and how does it and BDSM affect our reality?
For me it shaped my life. Though it may have been semi-dormant for decades, it never left me.
Beliefs and reality – the dreams we live.
There are definitions of fetish and kink easily available on the internet. I feel they fall short, they are more academic than real as experienced.
Here is my version – for what it is worth.
A kink is something that arouses that’s not the generally accepted sexual norm. A fetish is a sexual act or an object that can be arousing and may be necessary for a person to enjoy sex.
Self Image
For me with my upbringing, having my fetish, my kink, gave me a poor self image. I struggled to fit in and I felt different.
The end result of this was a lack of relationships, something I felt keenly, and also an inner tension that was seldom to leave me.
I know I also tried very hard to please people. i felt that if I didn’t try hard, people would not like me and I’d be even more isolated.
All of this was based on the believe that BDSM and the fetish I had were perverted, dirty, bad, not acceptable.
Now in the ‘2000s this has changed and for the better. Now it is far better accepted and almost become main stream.
My solution?
Counseling sessions with psych therapists helped me immensely.
For the first time I talked about what I felt, and what I wanted. I talked about my frustration and my deepest and most hidden inner secrets.
AND IT WAS ACCEPTED. I WAS ACCEPTED. This was the biggest revelation of my life. I was told that it does not make me lesser, does not make me bad, does not change the way I am. For me those words had a profound effect.