BDSM and Psychologists

Not All Psychologists are Created Equally

When in a traumatic part of my life I had my first ever time with a psychologist, it was an absolute life changing event. I’d been suffering from life-threatening depression and the whole BDSM thing was reaching a bursting point.

For decades I’d kept this silent quiver of my need for BDSM submerged, in denial. Like a boiling pot, you can only bottle up the steam for so long before something breaks. And so it was for me.

Seeing a psychologist, talk therapy, gave me a revelation about myself and my need for BDSM that was life changing.

It also showed me that my perceptions were not based on reality.

Roped

My First Psychologist

In hindsight, I think I was lucky that the first psychologist I spoke with was knowledgeable and empathetic to my needs.

It took a lot of discussion and then trust to expose that I had this need for BDSM. She was the very first person I’d ever told about this – a secret I’d kept for at that time, over 30 years.

She said to me ‘why don’t you do it?‘ and for a woman to say that to me was life changing. She accepted that I had this need? That was extraordinary.

Then she said, ‘it won’t hurt anyone. It won’t change who you are, I can’t understand why you don’t do it‘ and again that was life changing.

For someone with so much angst, those were wonderful words.

Time Passed

Two other psychologists I visited were not for me. One was a smirker – it felt like he looked down his nose. The other was stupid.

Another was a bit of a prude and while I liked her as a person, I felt happier when I stopped seeing her. I just got the feeling it would be all too much for her.

So, these three I never opened up to.

Two Winners!

The previous to current psychologist was extremely accepting. She saw the whole BDSM thing as just another human activity. I was refreshed, happy, delighted, so pleased by that. Then she retired!

The current person I’m seeing (for other issues) is also very accepting. She is not knowledgeable about BDSM, didn’t know about sub-space and I suspect CBT has only the ‘cognitive behavior therapy’ definition for her. It will be interesting to see her face if I spell out the BDSM version should the topic come up.

Why am I seeing someone who is not knowledgeable about BDSM? Simple. She is intelligent, sensible, highly trained, accepting, and helping me in other ways but also with BDSM. She gives me a good perspective, insights, and is helping.

In Conclusion

Not all psychologists are created equal. They are humans, with human weaknesses and strengths. They have their special areas and asking them to deal with BDSM is a challenge if the connection is not there.

However, I have had great value from them.