What I Would Change Now

Strangely enough I have wished so many times that my need for BDSM did not exist. I wished I could be totally vanilla and other passtimes did the job that BDSM fits into.

But it is and that is life. I was born with it. It is a part of who I am and it has shaped my life. Without it I would be a different person.

For me BDSM is an escape, a transport mechanism that is deeply ingrained into me. The dungeon, the mistress, the implements, the session are all immensely attractive.

I wish I could have accepted my BDSM need better. Accepting that BDSM does not and should not have the stigma that it did for me for all those decades would be fantastic. My stress levels, my guilt, my difficult in dealing with the real world would have been so much easier.

The internet not being available in my teens till my forties made life difficult. If it had been available then, I am sure I would have used it and benefited.

I wish I had got professional advice earlier. Visited a psychologist. Then again, 3 or 4 decades ago their perceptions might not have been as liberal as they are now. I know when I had my first counseling session in the early 2000’s that it was immensely beneficial, beneficial to the point of life changing.