The word ‘kink’ and the acronym ‘BDSM’ are often wrapped up into one. In our minds, and I am a cuilprit, I tend to blur them together.
Does it matter if there is a distinction? Is one more polite and better used in genteel company than others? When does the definition of these types of activity matter?
A Clinical Definition Of BDSM
Google tells me that BDSM involves a power exchange, and kink does not.
What does this mean? Basically that in BDSM play, one participant gives the other the power to dominate. That consent is the power exchange. It is given from one to the other.
Ok, that sounds reasonable, but what about solo-play when for example self bondage is practiced? Is that just kink? From the definition above it would appear to be the case. I am not so sure. It is bondage and hence falls into the acronym of BDSM.
As with many things, it is apparent there are gray areas.
Where is Fetish in all this?
The definition of fetish is when an object or body part assumes a greater significance, particularly if there is a sexual element in it.
For example, the prevalence of rubber fetish and leather fetish is well known. These are common. Same for a breast or bum fetish.
On the more vanilla front, shoe fetish is common, and same for handbags and clothes in general for many women (though I would presume the sexual element is missing). So then not all fetish is kinky!
Fetish is an ingredient into many activities and a valuable part. It adds. It provides substance and excitement. I like it!
For myself, I like a mistress to wear leather and have a wide belt she can both wear and use on me. So this is BDSM and fetish together.
So what about dressing in fetish then? Is that kink? Or BDSM if there is some bondage involved? My feeling is that just dressing in fetish is kink – pure and simple. If something happens with a play partner then it is heading into BDSM with fetish.
And Kinky Is?
The definition is involving or given to unusual sexual behaviour.
So, fetish and BDSM are seen as subsets of kink. Maybe kink is a global term and we can then drill down to fetish and BDSM.
Use In Conversation
This is totally subjective but I think it is easier and more gentle to say ‘I’m kinky‘ and allow the other person to then ask more or not.
A good friend of mine said he is kinky. After some discussion it turned out he was deeply into BDSM and I’m guessing this was his approach. To ease into it gently.
Does It Really Matter?
I think it really depends who you are talking to, the topics, and the impact it has on a person.
Where it probably matters the most is in our self perceptions. No longer do we need to think of ourselves as perverted or twisted. We now have some terms with accepted and non theatening definitions we can use. This is all to the better.
As per above, in general conversation it is probably better to start off with kink as the starter. maybe mention a little fetish and if necessary move into BDSM if that is the real topic. If you’re trying to chat someone up, that feels like a better approach.
My experience is that it all works well together, and perhaps trying to classify play as this or that etc is just a distraction. Just enjoy!
I really do wonder, does it matter? Do I care? Do you care? This whole desire to name and place activities within a box of definition is all very well, but maybe it is just a distraction