BDSM and the Ageing Process

It’s been over 50 years that I’ve been involved with BDSM in one way or another. There have been some respites in there, there have been times when I’d never heard of nor know what BDSM was. But that doesn’t change the facts at all.


In My Early Teens

In my early teens I found that if I stripped off then tied myself up with lots of belts, luggage straps in fact, that an orgasm wasn’t far away. In those days long before the internet the whole BDSM thing was completely hidden from my 14 year old self.

But it happened. I was drawn to that experience totally without prompting and in an absence of external information. It was in me, part of me, and to my young self it was a secret that affected me and my relationships.

In My Twenties And Thirties

In my twenties and thirties nothing really changed other than marriage, raising a family, changing jobs, buying a house and all the normal family things. All of a sudden I was a husband, a father, and a ‘responsible person’ compared to my teenage years. WOW. Those were huge changes, anyone would say that, but my BDSM was a constant, always there, lurking and never gone.

In those years the opportunity for self bondage reduced so they were few and far between. Also in those years the internet rose from nothing to having a ubiquitous presence in homes. That presence brought me BDSM information and of course BDSM porn.

In My Forties - Things Started To Change

In my forties things started to change. Was it life’s stresses? Could I keep these needs within myself all this time without the solace of disclosure? Was it the family hitting an age that brought some kind of internal needs within me to the fore? Or was it that I just could not deny it any longer? It was all of them.

I also had my first ever experience of depression which was, or so I was told, as a result of some trauma. I suspect there was also the stresses from repressing my BDSM self contributing to this.

Looking back, trying to say “this one thing was the cause” is wishful. It’s also therapeutic as it gives something to focus on and then pin your hopes on a simple solution. We are not simple things, humans, we live in a world that changes over time and we change. There are myriad inputs into us, and expecting to localise into a simple cause-and-effect type scenario is, again, wishful. It would be nice tho!

In My Mid Forties

This was not a great time. The stresses on me left me teary, shaking, washed out and suicidal. My doctor put me on anti-depressants and overall, life was pretty awful and colourless.

In my mid forties I had my first ever counselling session and what a revelation it was. I told someone about my special needs, a process that left me shaking.

But that first counselling session was amazing. I opened myself up for the very first time to anyone.

My surprise then, and vividly remembered 2 decades later, to being told “why don’t you do it?” and then “I can’t understand why you don’t” and the final, “it doesn’t make you any less of a person, doesn’t hurt anyone else and will help you.”

Those words from a psychologist changed my life. My views of the world and myself changed.

If I could know something decades earlier (pther than BitCoin going up to dramatically in price) this would be it – see a counsellor.

In My Late Forties

I had my first BDSM session in my late forties which was one of the most remarkable times of my life.

It came a long 30 years after my first ever encounter with self bondage in leather straps. Those decades of silent quivers and keeping it all a secret took their toll.

I still remember knocking on the terrace house door after the 30+ years of self doubt, worry and wonder. Then I heard definite high heels clacking on the tiled corridor, the door opening then being greeted with “Welcome Slave” by a dominatrix. My first ever.

That very first session was so remarkable. I was taken to a place I didn’t know existed, I was given what I wanted and more importantly, what I needed. I had chosen extremely well with a dominatrix who understood people like me, newbies with definite needs, and she was able to make the session special.

I remember sitting in the car after the session thinking two things; I wished I had a pound of frozen peas to sit on, and, when can I have the next session.

I told the psychologist about it and how successful it was. It delighted her that the experience lived up to the anticipation.

Not long later I opened up to my wife about my special needs. To this day, so many years later, she still does not understand. All she sees is the pain and the strangeness of it. She has not got the inner need, but she is supportive of me. When I need a session, sometiomes she tells me to go have it even before I make my mind up.

In My Fifties

In my fifties I had regular BDSM Sessions. They all followed a similar process based around corporal, bondage, belt and leather fetish. I found them to be wonderfully restorative, addictive, and something I needed.

I collected a lot of gear. Many straps, tawse, an amazing prison strap and lots and lots of belts. I do love my belts.

Looking back, this is the decade I’d have again rather happily (and I’d invest in BitCoin, also rather heavily).

My regular sessions were great and I got a lot out of them. I found life was rather pleasing, everything was kind of coming together quite well. My mental health was great.

In My Sixties

Now in my sixties my BDSM side has changed a little along with me.

My sixties started badly with the lockdown and pandemic. It was not possible to have a session for nearly 2 years and that hurt. I did feel badly affected by the lockdown, so this may well have been a factor.

My need for a session has reduced from the nearly once a month rate to just a few a year now.

At the same time, this last few years my mental health has deteriorated such that I suffer regular depressive bouts and the occasional and loathed panic attacks. If these are related to a reduction in sessions I don’t know. Maybe there is a cause-effect relationship but at the moment it is hard do define.

A Few Comments

Over the years I’ve talked to the Mistresses both before and after my session.

One thing that has been said to me more than once is that it is a part of me and won’t go away.

This is from people in the industry who deal with many clients on a daily basis. Many of the mistresses I see are tertiary qualified, some with psych, some in business, some with qualification in legal areas. They are not stupid or ‘touting for trade’, so I feel theirs are honest comments. The upshot is “I am as I am and it’s not going to change.”

Within myself I feel it is waning a little, but it is absolutely still there. I can feel it growing as time passes, then when I’m in a session I absolutely feel the self same massive relief.

I’m led to believe not much will change as I head into old age, BDSM wise.

My wife once commented when I said I was having a session that she thought I’d grown out of it. No, that has not happened.


Trikki Update – From The Heart

Wrist Bondage

The year 2022 was not great for me. I’m inclined toward depression which was a problem for me then, and added to that has been the new and rather unpleasant experience of panic attacks.

“Why?” I ask myself. I can’t find a real reason other than maybe it is a culmination of things like getting older, financial uncertainty and not having as much money as I want and the feelings of my mortality.

I had some illness which comparatively speaking is nothing major and compared to others around me was quite mild. But to me it mattered, it shook me.

I remember coming into 2022 thinking that after the last two terrible pandemic years that 2022 could not be worse. I felt positive and upbeat. But it didn’t last. It seemed to be a long cold year that just dragged on and on. I felt it was a year without colour, without pleasure, a year where I struggled to find direction and satisfaction. I think in hindsight that 2022 was indeed worse than the 2 previous.

I had 2 BDSM sessions in 2022 which for me was not a lot. Maybe that was a contributing factor in that my internal balance was not as it should have been, that my special needs weren’t being met. Or was it that I felt so crap that BDSM sessions just didn’t happen?

But now we are 3 months into 2023. Work has been busy, my health has been kind of OK yet I’ve hardly posted anything here.

What About BDSM Sessions?

Again, I’m keenly feeling the absence of a BDSM session, so I’m booking myself in for 13 April with the Mistress I’ve been seeing for the last few years.

She’s exceptional and gets right into the whole corporal with fetish and bondage things.

I like ‘theatre’ in my sessions, the Mistress telling her slave she is going to ‘give you a strapping‘ and she is ‘going to use my belt on you‘ – all that kind of thing. Coming as it does from a drop dead gorgeous leather clad Mistress in a BDSM dungeon it is amazing.

I’m going to ask that it be heavy with an excess of belting, strapping and tawsing and caning. She has her own prison strap, and I have one, I think there will be some comparisons done. I want to really be extended, pulled out of my comfort zone. Bring it on.

What's Coming?

It all depends on my mood and time. If I can lift myself out of this doldrums of the spirit I regularly find myself in, expect quite a lot more content.

I am so close to finishing some stores – see below – and maybe some more regular posts on various BDSM things will happen. BDSM and the ageing process comes to mind as it is topical for me.

Just recently I heavily updated the post “How To Give A Hand Strapping” – it is worth a look as it now has links to videos on the topic. There is a post for that coming in a day or less.

In truth… I have absolutely no idea what next month holds, let alone the rest of the year.

What About Stories?

Over the last 12+ months I’ve written quite a lot. The two main genres have been the female led marriage and self bondage. Both have quite a bit of belt bondage and corporal making the sex rather steamy.

Keep your eyes out for them. I’ll publish some snippets here reasonably soon – with full novels on Amazon to follow.

For now – stay safe – play sane.

Updated How To Give A Hand Strapping

There is no doubt in my mind that a hand strapping or tawsing is one of the most personal and powerful experiences in BDSM between a Mistress (or master) and slave.

I have updated my popular and long post on this “how to give a hand tawsing” – and added some links to videos.

Some notes on this topic follow.

Yes, hand strapping is something I get in my BDSM sessions from a Mistress (dominatrix) and have done so for nearing 20 years now. The whole topic of hand strapping and tawsing is deeply evocative for me.

What Is Hand Strapping And Tawsing

In its simplest form, a Mistress stands in front (or to the side) of a slave.

Slave is told to raise his hands, palm up, often with one hand supporting the other, often at full stretch.

The Mistress then uses a leather strap or a tawse (a strap split for half it’s length once or more times) and brings that down on the palm of the slave.

Slave is told to swap hands, or to keep that same hand up – for more strokes.

Here is a short clip of a Mistress using her tawse.

Why On Earth Is This A Thing?

It is human nature to be contrary and a victim to our emotions and special needs. Hand strapping and tawsing is indeed one of this times and things.

I’m drawn to it, I’m pushed away from it, I need it, I wonder at myself how on earth I could need it. When I’m getting my hands strapped I feel the pain and struggle to accept it yet when it is over I regret it has finished and look forward to it again. I feel that special internal quiver when I think about it.

Hand strapping works at many levels;

  • It forces submission, probably more than other BDSM activities. You are controlled, deeply submissive, when a Mistress is in front of you using her strap.
  • I feel the ‘exposure’ of hand strapping. My BDSM is extrememly private to me, yet here I am facing someone who is dressed in fetish and going to use a strap on me. That is impossible to ignore.
  • You must face your punisher. You must look at her standing there with her strap or tawse and know what’s coming. That seldom happens in BDSM.
  • Facing the Mistress as she is using her strap focuses the mind, there is no hiding, no subterfuge, no doubt about what is happening. It takes courage and strength to hold up the hand for the next stroke when the last was so painful, the hands are red and shaking, and you know the next one will be hard.
  • If there is a leather fetish happening, or a need for humiliation, or a need to be dominated, then hand strapping and tawsing is one of the more powerful BDSM activities.
  • It can be deeply embarrassing. Imagine standing, or kneeling, maybe stripped naked and in front of a woman Dominatrix or Mistress. She commands, she controls and she uses a strap on you and you have to take it.
  • It can be intensely painful. The hands are generally soft and quite sensitive, yet you must offer them up to a painful strapping. That can be bad enbough, but a heavy leather tawse can be devastatingly painful.
  • In days gone by a strap was used in schools for discipline. Hand strapping can take us back to those times.

How Hand Strapping Fits Into BDSM Sessions

I can only speak of my own sessions which are based around leather fetish, bondage and corporal punishment. I recognize these activities are only a small part of the full gamut of BDSM.

In my sessions, they proceed like this.

  • At the start of the session I’m naked, kneeling and in belt bondage. Mistress enters, then gives me a hand strapping. She’ll use a number of straps, belts and then the tawse.
  • Then Mistres clips my wist cuffs to a suspension bar and lifts me up onto my feet. I’m in the middle of the dungeon and facing a mirror so I can watch Mistress.
  • This section of the session starts off with Mistress taking off a belt, folding it over then strapping my bum rather hard. My warmup is a belt strapping. She’ll then swap belts for others, each time taking a belt off then putting another on.
  • Then she’ll use maybe a tawse on my butt, a prison strap and even a cane.
  • As I am gagged and watching Mistress in the mirror I find it a particularly chathartic experience, enduring, watching Mistress and taking the corporal punishment she is giving me.
  • After this I’m taken down from suspension, back on my knees and Mistress again straps my hands and uses the tawse as well.
  • Then I’m usually bent over a whipping bench, strapped down, and Mistress repeats the belting, strapping, and caning.
  • This is now getting close to the end of the session and at this time Mistress uses the cane, or canes, harder, maybe after another hard prison strapping. After all the belting and strapping to my bum it is losing a bit of sensation so the cane is plied harder and really gets in deeply.
  • While I’m on the bench a few times Mistress, will release my hands. I’ll have to hold them out and Mistress with give me another hand strapping. It may only be a few strokes, or may be her belt, or a tawse or a simple leather strap. Or it may be six of the best.
  • After coming off the bench it is back on my knees for afinal hand strapping. This one usually is at the absolute limit of my endurance and of course Mistress uses the extr apainful XH tawse leaving me devastated.

With that the session is over and I feel particularly ‘spent’ and satiated. No, there is no orgasm or hand relief, I find that a heavy corporal session is just too engrossing for that to happen.

I do feel like I’m a new person. Relaxed and almost spaced out.

I’m in the dungeon which is a place I identify with quite strongly, I’ve had a lot of corporal, I’m floating and deeply unto another mind-space. My butt is red striped and maybe bleeding from overlapping cane strokes and my hands are really quite red.

And right at that moment I am disappointed it’s over. I usually wish I could stay in the dungeon for another hour, in bondage strapped up tight and gagged as the feelings of deep internal satisfaction infuse me. Maybe one day I will do that. Maybe.

For Much More Information

Take yourself to my other posts – search this blog and the internet.

As before this is the link to my previous article on how to give a hand strapping or tawsing.