Breaking A Rib in BDSM Play

BDSM Play is Generally Safe

BDSM play in a professional establishment is generally safe, I wouldn’t do it there if that were not the case. There are a number of things that good establishment do to ensure safe play such as training, hygiene and equipment quality.

However it is normal that some of the activities can certainly be dangerous if not done properly.

There are fail-safes in common use. For example, the use of a Safe Word in a session means that the slave/sub can’t take any more. If the slave is gagged, then something can be dropped to show the session is going a little far. Maybe a line has been crossed, maybe the mistress has pushed too hard, maybe the slave has not communicated what is a turn off or not wanted. No matter. The use of a Safe Word or action stops an activity and it can stop a session.

In this anecdote, I’d been going to the same establishment for maybe a dozen years. The mistress I’d been seeing was no longer available so I booked a session with another. This session was one of the two times I’ve used the safe word in a session.

How To Break A Rib

The mistress I chose was very professional, very good and obviously experienced. She asked me what I wanted in a session and what I didn’t want. She asked about any illnesses and injuries which is the mark of a good mistress. Health issues in BDSM are serious concerns.

When I booked the session I asked for a particular dungeon. When the mistress finished my pre-session discussion she said the room was not available as another client was having a longer session and so his needs were greater than mine. She talked me into using a smaller dungeon. I was annoyed as I’d been a regular and had about 30 sessions there by then. Anyway, I agreed.

The session started and she was very good. Very strict. Very heavy with the discipline. She positioned me over a caning bench then gave me some heavy corporal. I moved around a bit, put pressure on a rib which then broke. The pain was sharp and continuous, I felt it crack, and breathing was difficult.

I called the Safe Word ‘Mercy’ and also said ‘Mercy on the session Mistress, I’ve got a cracked rib and can’t continue.

She was surprised and disappointed. I wasn’t cross or angry with her (at least not that I remember). I found breathing painful and did for the next month or so.

I just wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible. The whole dynamic had been broken.

She offered another session at a reduced rate but I declined. She realized she’d lost a client. Reading that later I see the injustice of it, she was very good so maybe I should have had more sessions with her. Maybe I was hasty.

I felt more annoyed at not having the dungeon I wanted than at anything else. She’s still doing sessions at the same place now, but I’ve never seen her again for a session.

What Went Wrong

There were some basic mistakes made.

The first one was that I didn’t listen to my inner gut feeling. The room I had booked had been given to someone else, and sure they can do that. I should have cancelled the session. It would have been hard-assed but I should have done it. Pure and simple. I booked the room. They decided a 2 hour session was more important than my one hour session even though I had been going there maybe 6 years at that time. I remember feeling betrayed/annoyed/let down.

The second mistake was that I didn’t particularly bond with the mistress, I didn’t feel a rapport or a need to try again. I felt the absence of that ‘spark’ that I’ve felt so many other times. Cancelling before the session would have been difficult and upset the mistress but I wouldn’t have had a cracked rib and she would not have lost a client. I would have come back again later. Probably.

Now this mistress herself is very good. She started by asking me many questions about health and well being which some do not ask so she clearly has all the skills. This mistress was good that way. The problem is that the caning bench allows too much movement and it put pressure on one place hence the cracked rib. In my mind is the thought that she didn’t restrain me properly. It was not a good piece of furniture and I’ve been careful to avoid anything like it since.

In the future, if the room I want is not available, then it is no session for me that day.

Free Stories

Coming Soon - Free BDSM Stories

Over the decades I’ve enjoyed reading stories about BDSM scenarios. Usually there is bondage and discipline in them which mirrors many of the scenarios I play in real life.

Well, I’ve decided to publish some stories along those lines. They will be pretty much full on BDSM stores. Lots of corporal punishment and lots of bondage.

The first to be published will be a prison based one, ‘Rat Creek Reformatory’ where the inmates are subject to a strict regime designed to get the very best out of them.

My friend Trikki Watson is also donating some short stories. He’s got a book of them coming soon so he said he would like to preview a few stories here. One called ‘Robyn’s Session’ has a few paragraphs below.

Snippet. Robyn's Session

This is just the first 2 paragraphs, then a few paragraphs from later on You’ll get the idea. Note that it is told from the perspective of Mistress Tish.

Robyn’s Session

She didn’t have many female clients but among that small number, Robyn was stand-out unique in her need for heavy corporal punishment. But she did like Robyn even with her odd ways.

Robyn made her genuinely smile and that was rare enough. It was just that Robyn was more like a man than a woman in her need for the special services that she provided and also, well, she was a nice person. Plus, and never to be underestimated, Robyn was brutally honest about herself and life in general.

-not long later Robyn is in suspension, the session just started-

She moved behind Robyn and ran a hand down Robyn’s spine, moving a finger across Robyn’s hips from side to side then down over her butt. Robyn jumped slightly, shook slightly and tested her bondage. She watched as Robyn moved her head from side to side, feeling the collar strapped round her neck, feeling how the leather restricted movement and kept her aware of her situation. She could see Robyn’s front in the mirror, her breasts wobbling slightly as she pulled on her wrists and probably on her ankles against the spreader bars. Robyn was testing the bondage.

As she watched, she saw Robyn change, morph, move into a different personality. Robyn was entering sub space, fully becoming the slave.

“The belt first,” she said quietly into the silence when she stood in front of Robyn.

She took off her wide leather belt and wrapped it round her fist till just a foot long strap was hanging free. Pulling on the end of it, tightening it up, she extended that to just under a foot and a half, the perfect length. This was part of the theater for Robyn, the visage of the Mistress preparing for the discipline, her the slave in bondage. This was just the same as for her male clients.

Putting the end of the belt over her shoulder, keeping it there for a second as Robyn focused on it, she brought it around in a lazy forehand round-house stroke strapping it across Robyn’s left breast giving it a crisp cracking blow.

The breast wobbled and Robyn shook. She jumped and gasped, her eyes half closed as she was well into the dream already.

Now with the belt stroke, Robyn was sent free falling into sub space, only the belt, the Mistress and her bondage intruding. And now the sting of the strapping.

Strapping her breasts was something Robyn had asked about and tried. On her first session she’d admitted it had been a high point. The Mistress strapping her there was something so alien, so impossible, so femininely impossible that it became mandatory in all the sessions she’d had.

Her instant reaction meant she’d obviously been looking forward to this, thinking about it, wanting it.

Yahhh. YOU fucking BASTARD!” screamed Robyn at the top of her lungs, penetrating out through the door and echoing into the corridor beyond.

The transformation was instant and complete and shocking. The first time this happened in a session she’d been quite astounded, thinking Robyn was cursing Mistress out but it became clear quickly.

Not that she would have been surprised if Robyn had cussed her. A strap across the breasts was unbelievable at every level. Who would apply the end of a belt to a woman’s breasts? What monster would do that? The answer of course was that slave must take what Mistress gave. It gave the slave a mighty hard push into sub space.

Running the end of the belt through her left hand to steady it and to help her aim, she gave Robyn’s right breast a healthy back hand stroke of the belt. The crack of the leather on the breast made the breast wobble and the slave convulse in her bondage. Robyn screamed out, “Yaagghhh, you’re such a bastard Jeremy, I’ll fucking kill you, you sick bastard.

She gave Robyn another forehand then a backhand stroke of the end of the belt to Robyn’s breasts and each time Robyn swore at Jeremy calling him every name under the sun.

With a loud ‘crack’, then crack’ then ‘crack,’ then ‘crack,’ the belt end lashed Robyn’s breasts and each stroke brought profanity aimed at Jeremy. Jeremy was cast into hell. Jeremy was castrated with his balls sewn into his mouth. Jeremy was impaled on a red hot poker shoved up his ass. Jeremy had a live rat sewn into his mouth. Then he had a dead rat sewn into his mouth. Then he was drowned slowly in a bucket of feces she also pissed in as he drowned.

Continues in The Big book Of Naughty Shorts from Trikki Watson


What I Would Change Now

Looking Back Reflectively

Strangely enough I have wished so many times that my need for BDSM did not exist. I wished I could be totally vanilla and other passtimes did the job that BDSM fits into.

But it is and that is life. I was born with it. It is a part of who I am and it has shaped my life. Without it I would be a different person.

For me BDSM is an escape, a transport mechanism that is deeply ingrained into me. The dungeon, the mistress, the implements, the session are all immensely attractive.

I wish I could have accepted my BDSM need better. Accepting that BDSM does not and should not have the stigma that it did for me for all those decades would be fantastic. My stress levels, my guilt, my difficult in dealing with the real world would have been so much easier.

The internet not being available in my teens till my forties made life difficult. If it had been available then, I am sure I would have used it and benefited.

I wish I had got professional advice earlier. Visited a psychologist. Then again, 3 or 4 decades ago their perceptions might not have been as liberal as they are now. I know when I had my first counseling session in the early 2000’s that it was immensely beneficial, beneficial to the point of life changing.

Where To From Here

Very simple. Live life. Make the most of it. Accept who I am. Have my sessions when I want or need them. Move forward. Be the best person I can.


Pain and BDSM

Pain In BDSM Is Poorly Understood

Do any googling of pain and you’ll find definitions and articles written by medicos, researchers and journalists who are not into BDSM, or at least have only second hand experience, interviews, and self biases.

This blog post talks from first hand experience and a life time of inquiry.

Starting At The Beginning

The Definition of pain. ‘Pain is an unpleasant sensation caused by illness or injury.’ I have not included or limited to physical pain as depression and other mental issues cause a type of distress, a type of pain that is both very real and unpleasant.

Pain is the means for the body to tell you something is wrong. Without pain you would not know about that splinter, that disease, that cut; all those things that you must get seen to so you can remain healthy. Pain is a survival mechanism of the body to get you to act.

Pain is more than that to the BDSM community. It is included in some play, and it has its place.

Why Are you Here? Is it for research, for yourself, or are you just inquisitive?

This blog post is a journey into pain, how it is used, the effects and a discussion of the whole pain and BDSM dynamic.

Where am I in this? My perspective is that the BDSM play I like involves bondage and heavy corporal punishment. So there is considerable pain you would say. For me that is not an issue. It is an aspect of the play and it is a tool in the play to achieve what I want out of a BDSM session.

For me, pain is a tool, a part of a session and perhaps not the major part of it.

If you tell someone you are into BDSM their first reaction falls into a few categories and pain, if this is your kind of play, will be an issue for them to understand.


Not In All BDSM

Thinking that all BDSM play has pain in it is like saying all icecream is chocolate. It simply is not the case.

BDSM is about consenting players performing roles that fit within the genre. Pain is only one aspect and is not in all BDSM.

When It Works

Pain in BDSM play is a tool, a segment of the play. It fits into other play and as such it adds. It can be cornerstone content or just peripheral.

When it works, pain in BDSM play can be cathartic, releasing, uplifting and transporting. It engulfs the recipient and focuses the mind.

The library

Why Oh Why?

Accepting pain in a BDSM session can seem too outworldly strange, so obscenely strange that being able to accept that people do actually have BDSM sessions designed to cause pain is difficult.

Their first question is “Why would anyone want to be whipped?”

But it is true. The infinite and amazing complexity of human nature means that there are people like this. I know. I am one of them. I can only speak from experience, and also add from my research.

Also this wrongly puts all pain related play, often known as impact play, into one tight box of definition. Pain can be very mild from a gentle scratching from fingernails, a gentle spanking just warming up the buttocks, or from clothes pegs, or from a spiked roller to the soles of the feet.

Some people hate certain implements. One mistress told me she has corporal punishment clients who can’t abide the cane as it brings back bad memories, so other implements are used.

The fact is, pain comes in many forms and many intensities.

Pain transports. For me this is the biggest effect of pain and the corporal punishment I like.

Pain is a transport mechanism. Nothing could be more true for me, and it is a part of the session, not the totality of it. It all works together as if in a matrix that defines the session.

Take the opposite of what I like. I imagine being in bondage and the mistress uses a feather or a soft gentle touch over my body. How on earth could I regress, feel cathartic relief, find myself totally engrossed in a session like that? It would be a waste of time.

Pain enhances an endorphin rush. The body in response to pain can produce a number of inner responses.

Endorphins are hormones with the body that can act to produce a feeling of euphoria and lessen the effects of pain. An endorphin rush happens when there is strong stimuli and in a BDSM session that can be through bondage and pain play.

Physical pain is focusing. It frees the mind of other things, of other cares, it is sharp and directed and it engulfs.

I promise, in a heavy corporal session my mind is nowhere else, thinking of nothing else. The only head space happening is there in the dungeon with mistress. When you add the endorphin rush, the head space, it is a powerful thing.

Pain is a sensation with stigma. If we stub our toe and complain about the pain, it is all good and normal. No one thinks twice and if you mention it, you get some sympathy. If we talk about corporal punishment in a BDSM session then all of a sudden it is thought of differently.

Remember The Golden Rules

Safe Sane Consensual play is the number one rule. All three things must combine before BDSM play is understaken. Sure, there is a thrill, a very real edge to breaking the rules. However the consequences may not be what’s intended.

Clearly my bias is toward scripted, negotiated types of play.

There are other types such as judicial and ‘extend me’ type sessions where the play is intended to really push the recipient, to make them accept more than they would normally ask for or want.

We Only Do What We Want is very true and no more true than in BDSM play.

In know that after some months away from BDSM, my needs change. I want more and deeper, stronger and longer session.

To this end I have asked mistresses to give me a cold prison strapping then a cold caning. This is corporal punishment with the most painful instruments without a warm up. It works really well in ‘sending’ me into sub-space and bringing on that endorphin rush, quickly. It is also very difficult to accept.

Easing Into It - Or Diving Right In

If pain is your thing, there are various types of play that involve it. For me it is corporal punishment, pure and simple. All the aspects of the session combine to make the session work for me, it is negotiated and it is what I want.

Gradually increasing the pain in a session is the typical method. The session has a warm up part when the sub/slave is subjected to ever more severe implements and with increasing levels of pain. At the start lighter implements may be used such as suede floggers and techniques such as hand spanking. Handspanking is very common and can be quite mild up to the surprisiongly effective when done well.

After the warm up, the level of activity ramps up. Over a period of ten minutes, a half hour or longer, mild spanking can morph into full strength strokes of an implement such as a belt, strap, whip or cane.

Sharp pain delivered without a warm up is usually referred to as a ‘cold’ type of session and usually an implement is mentioned.

These are hard to take, challenging. Usually a cold caning, or a cold strapping or a cold flogging is the kind of request or description only experienced players make. In my experience the mistress will be cautious in accepting such a session.

When it happens, the activity will be delivered with high intensity, hard, and is designed to shock the sub/slave, to test their limits and to bring an instant shock to the system.

There Are Similarities To Other Activities

Have you ever been stressed in your life then you take time off work (or whatever causes you stress) only to find it takes three days before your stress levels lower? Before you feel better?

Imagine an activity where you could compress those three days into a few hours? Imagine the sudden and life changing relief that transports you as all your cares are taken away. I know it well.

Mountain climbers, scuba divers, marathon runners, parachutists (you get the idea) are all people who engage in activities that demand total attention. Thinking about that board meeting, that argument with a spouse, anything less than full attention is not possible. Nothing exists other than that time when they are on the edge, staring at an activity that demands total attention.

Part of it will be conditioned. Just putting on the parachute and getting into the plane before a dive, putting on a wetsuit and all the gear before a dive – these are all transporting sensations that they have learned to accept with the pleasure and the release from their activity.

For myself, I know I start to regress, to get relief from stress, when I get into a car going on a holiday. I feel this stronger when I walk on a beach. It is stronger again when I put on a wetsuit and get into the surf. All these sensations, these stimulii all combine to transport, to capture, to engross and force other things out of my mind.

A BDSM Session is exactly the same. As soon as I walk into the dungeon it is just the same sensation. I Have Arrived is the feeling and it is so strong.

Kink vs BDSM

The word ‘kink’ and the acronym ‘BDSM’ are often wrapped up into one. In our minds, and I am a cuilprit, I tend to blur them together.

Does it matter if there is a distinction? Is one more polite and better used in genteel company than others? When does the definition of these types of activity matter?

A Clinical Definition Of BDSM

Google tells me that BDSM involves a power exchange, and kink does not.

What does this mean? Basically that in BDSM play, one participant gives the other the power to dominate. That consent is the power exchange. It is given from one to the other.

Ok, that sounds reasonable, but what about solo-play when for example self bondage is practiced? Is that just kink? From the definition above it would appear to be the case. I am not so sure. It is bondage and hence falls into the acronym of BDSM.

As with many things, it is apparent there are gray areas.

Where is Fetish in all this?

The definition of fetish is when an object or body part assumes a greater significance, particularly if there is a sexual element in it.

For example, the prevalence of rubber fetish and leather fetish is well known. These are common. Same for a breast or bum fetish.

On the more vanilla front, shoe fetish is common, and same for handbags and clothes in general for many women (though I would presume the sexual element is missing). So then not all fetish is kinky!

Fetish is an ingredient into many activities and a valuable part. It adds. It provides substance and excitement. I like it!

For myself, I like a mistress to wear leather and have a wide belt she can both wear and use on me. So this is BDSM and fetish together.

So what about dressing in fetish then? Is that kink? Or BDSM if there is some bondage involved? My feeling is that just dressing in fetish is kink – pure and simple. If something happens with a play partner then it is heading into BDSM with fetish.

And Kinky Is?

The definition is involving or given to unusual sexual behaviour.

So, fetish and BDSM are seen as subsets of kink. Maybe kink is a global term and we can then drill down to fetish and BDSM.

Use In Conversation

This is totally subjective but I think it is easier and more gentle to say ‘I’m kinky‘ and allow the other person to then ask more or not.

A good friend of mine said he is kinky. After some discussion it turned out he was deeply into BDSM and I’m guessing this was his approach. To ease into it gently.

Does It Really Matter?

I think it really depends who you are talking to, the topics, and the impact it has on a person.

Where it probably matters the most is in our self perceptions. No longer do we need to think of ourselves as perverted or twisted. We now have some terms with accepted and non theatening definitions we can use. This is all to the better.

As per above, in general conversation it is probably better to start off with kink as the starter. maybe mention a little fetish and if necessary move into BDSM if that is the real topic. If you’re trying to chat someone up, that feels like a better approach.

My experience is that it all works well together, and perhaps trying to classify play as this or that etc is just a distraction. Just enjoy!

I really do wonder, does it matter? Do I care? Do you care? This whole desire to name and place activities within a box of definition is all very well, but maybe it is just a distraction

Silent Quivers for BDSM first blog

This is a Blog on the inner silent quivering that BDSM has created in me for most of my life.

The Blog has anecdotes, information, session examples and plenty of real world information. I’m also adding some free stories that build on may favorite theme of corporal punshment and bondage.

I can only talk from my own perspective, and from my own experiences which may well be different to many others. Please excuse me if I go against conventional wisdom – as I said – this is all from experience.

If You Want to Read About....

My most recent BDSM session. It is Here.

Talking about Pain in BDSM. It Is Here.

My long journey into BDSM and kink. It Is Here.

A free story about Robyn getting corporal with a happy ending or two. It Is Here.

From the above, the blog has a wide mix of content – real life and absolutely fictitious. Enjoy.

As an older person it has been difficult

This is a recurrent theme for me. In my life the whole BDSM thing has gone from perversion to becoming almost accepted in mainstream conversation. That is a huge thing.

The way psychiatric illnesses are categorized has also changed. The psychiatric manual “DSM-5” does not generally classify BDSM as a disorder, though there are sub-categories that are. This is a huge change. Instead of a blanket categorization, there is now an acceptance of different types of play for different types of people. Some may be problematic, others not. All to the good.

I also see the commendable attitude of younger people in accepting, embracing, and self honesty with BDSM. They are, as far as I have seen, far better that I ever was in this.

Real Life - First Person BDSM Information

Other than the stories which are deeply fictional – everything else is based on my own experience, feelings, research into this dynamic of BDSM.

For me it has been a life quest.

Maybe the anecdotes may sound a little odd at times, but they are true. For example, the mistress who had her tawse chewed by her dog is a classic. Another is when the building I was being sessioned in was under renovations and the builders nail guns were drowned out by the gunshot loud cracks from the firmly swung belt. Then the nail guns fell silent making me wonder if they were standing there in mid-build, listening with wide eyes and open mouths…. All good fun.

However, if you are in the situation where you feel your life is difficult because of this inner need, this special need for BDSM then I hope you get value from this Blog and the effort I have put into it.

Being Precious About BDSM

I’m sorry I sound like I’m harping on about this topic, but you see, it has been such a problem to me over the years that I can’t do anything else.

I’ll try to tone down the angst-index after this post.

Being Age-ist.

I think that people of my (advanced) vintage feel the BDSM stigma far more than the younger set. I’m sure of it. I have been to a few play parties, a few years ago, and the much younger people there were vastly more comfortable with the whole dynamic than me.

I remember commenting to one young man in his late twenties that his generation looked vastly more honest. He was surprised at this. I said it was self honesty in that they looked to embrace their inner feelings better and also honesty with others in discussions. Both these things have been issues for me. He was surprised as it came from someone old enough to be his father, and that I actually said it.

That is a thing. The younger generation, in their twenties, thirties, and maybe early forties are vastly more accepting. They probably don’t understand my issues as it is foreign to them and their perceptions. My comment would be ‘how lucky you are.’

Time Has Helped

It has, isn’t that obvious. Sorry. Take it from someone who has been a keen observer of trends in this area, it is absolutely true that the whole BDSM thing has changed dramatically in the last two decades.

No longer is it an utterly taboo and a perverted topic. No longer is it seen as a mental illnes. it has become something that is almost accepted. Or, maybe seen as an alternative type pass time, a little odd maybe.

Just recently in the local newspaper it was mentioned that a woman was into bondage. Publishing that and some broad details was just such a difference to my earlier years. Then it would have been reported as at best being ‘alternative’ or more likely  perverted.

The Fifty Shades Thing

I haven’t read the books, though I have skimmed a few pages. While the topic is pretty much on trend for BDSM, and we have a millionaire etc in the mix making it totally unrepresentative of most BDSM play, it has huge relevance. It has brought the whole thing out of the closet. It has helped me.

I’ve seen the Fifty Shades being criticised as being hugely unrealistic, stupid, strange, poorly written etc. I don’t care. It has given some legitemacy to the whole BDSM community. My feeling is that if it’s not being spoken of in a bad light, that’s all to the better.

Yes. Overall. I think it has brought BDSM into a mainstream acceptance. It has done a lot of good for the genre.

Now someone can say ‘spanking’ and ‘bondage’ then the whole Fifty Shades thing is suddenly brought into focus and a default acceptability results.

All of a sudden mums and dads can get a feeling that it’s not that bad because they made a movie for general release out of it. And on the basis of this the Fifty Shades topics and play have become a staple of other TV and movie shows.

The Biggest Change

For me and it is obvious from the above, the biggest change has been the better acceptance of BDSM as a socially accepted pass time.

Now it is seen as just maybe a little odd, a little kinky, maybe a little out there and that’s about it. Suddenly we are not perverts or worse.

Now people are able to admit to it and not feel traumatised and worry about perceptions. There is a stable-base to point to (the Fifty Shades thing).

Now also the internet is so much more available to all. It has so much more information and the people providing it are vastly more open minded. Society is changing, hopefully for the better.

What do you think? What has been your experience?

Words Matter In BDSM Play

The negotiation or consultation time before a session is when you lay out what your expectations are. You will be speaking with a mistress, master, or play partner. Of vital importance is that you are both on the same wavelength.

You should never assume anything. Assumptions are the first step to disappointment.

Words Matter

Do you want a beating or a caning? They are different words and have different connotations the mistress may interpret differently to you.

I hate the word ‘beating’ as it avoids my fetist for belts and straps. I ask for a strapping. Lots of strapping. The mistress knows where my fetish really is.

What About Play Other Than Corporal

The same rules apply.

I like bondage but with belts and straps. I never ask to be tied up. That can involve rope and chain. Neither of these work for me.

I ask to be strapped up in bondage. To be strapped down to the bench (not tied with rope of course). That sort of thing.

So I am careful to use the right words.

For you, what is your fetish, what is your desire? Make sure you use the words that highlight it, make it plain.

Dealing With A Happy Ending

This has never been an issue for me, but I know mistresses who have complained bitterly that a client only mentions tis at the end of the session.

Most mistresses don’t offer sex. Hand relief however is often available. Also mistress may offer other services via other staff. If you want sex then maybe a service provider is available for that.

So, when you are setting up a pro dom session, make sure you are explicet and have no ambiguity.

Asking for a happy ending is not a very specific request. I am sure all the mistresses I have seen would query you and ask for more information.

Words Matter!

A Strap Called Curem Quick

The strap in my school was an accepted teaching aid. When you got strapped by a teacher, we called this ‘the cuts‘ as I guess that was an element of how it felt. It is a sharp stinging pain. I never heard of anyone actually being cut or blood or other damage other than to the ego and a little pain.

All Teachers Had A Strap

In grade five my teacher was Charlie and he was a regular user of the strap. He was renowned for it. We called teachers like this ‘strap happy’ as they tended to use it a lot.

The female teacher next door would send her students into our grade when they were naughty. Charlie would line them up then crack his strap over their palms one at a time. Think about that; she would send her students into another grade for corporal punishment, to get the cuts from our teacher. And that was normal.

For the reluctant visitors to our grade it would have been a difficult and trying experience I am sure. When you were in school, you never knew what another teacher was like and standing at the front of a different grade and having to put your hand out for the strap would have been horrid. Charlie also had a reputation as being a hard strapper so that would not have helped one little bit. Yet it happened.

Anyway, Charlie got sick of this and one day sent his strap back to the teacher so she could keep it and use it. For some reason, being a woman or being new to teaching, she didn’t have a strap till then. I don’t remember Charlie ever being without a strap so be must have replaced it quickly or had a spare.

Back to the story – Our Grade Six Teacher

In grade 6 we had a new teacher to the school, a Mr P who had moved from another school. Unlike all the other male and probably all the female teachers, he didn’t have a strap.

I remember him as being an OK kind of teacher. Not overly strict, not slack, not a ‘screamer’ or inclined to anything. He was a fairly typical teacher. My previous year teacher ‘Charlie’ was very strict and was dead keen with his strap which I got twice from him.

One thing Mr P did was to seat all the boys with girls. In those days we sat at 2-person desks with wooden lift up lids, a flat board to sit on and a flat board behind to lean against. There was no padding or softness to it. By today’s standards they were pretty Spartan.

I was seated next to Erin G, the daughter of the bar owner across the road. Mr P would have his lunch there on Friday which amused us.

As mentioned, the strap was in common use in my era and the technique was always the same. A good hard crack across the palm. Usually the miscreant was called out the front of the class and one stroke was given. I remember it as hurting but not all that much. The embarrassment of every other eye on the class watching was worse. I’ve never liked being the focus of attention.

In his first few weeks, as I remember, he said he’d lost his strap and that it had a name, ‘Curem Quick‘ which made us nervous.

‘Cure Them Quickly’ was the obvious implication as a dose of his strap would turn unruly children into little angels.

He said he called it ‘Mr Quick’ usually. I remember he said Mr Quick the teaching aid had once been mentioned in a school pamphlet as producing excellent results. The corporal punishment humour of the period was a little odd I suppose but it shows the acceptance of it.

Since he didn’t have a strap, we were quite pleased with that. The point of this anecdote is that one of the other kids in the grade told his mother that Mr P didn’t have a strap.

No Strap? Mrs T to the Rescue

One day Mr P made an announcement, he had a new strap and it had been given to him by Mrs T, mother of one of the boys in the grade. This was not particularly good news and I remember we were very quiet at that news.

With that he flourished it. I remember it as being a light tan in color and about a foot and a half long, maybe an inch and a half wide. I don’t remember if it was made from a belt or a piece of saddle leather. I never got up close and personal with it.

Common folk lore among us kids was that the teachers ‘starched’ their straps to make them stiffer and hurt more. Thinking about it, it was ridiculous. It was likely the stiffer straps were just dry and needed oil or were cut from stiff saddlery.

Also, I never heard of or saw a split strap, also known as a tawse. These were unheard of with us. I was later to learn that split straps have a very much increased sting to them. But that’s another story.

Anyway, Mr P’s strap was not stiff. I remember it as being much like normal belt leather and perhaps it was. Then to show his prowess he offered a stroke of his strap to the palm of anyone who wanted to try it. A taster I suppose.

In my day all the desks were lined up in rows from the front of the room to the back. I think there were 3 rows(?) of about 5 desks(?) making 30 students. More? Probably, as class sizes were quite large in those days.

“Who Wants To Try It,” which is not exactly what he said but you get the idea.

Trying Out The New Strap

Anyway, Mr P walked up each row and looked at each student. Some put their hands out and got the strap. Others didn’t.

I remember quite a few girls did, maybe because they didn’t normally get the cuts (as we called it) usually. Karen D the local doctors daughter did as did Erin G who sat next to me.

To my unending shame I did not put my hand out. I just couldn’t.

I remember Mr P looked at me. I remember him offering to give me a stroke of the strap and I think I remember his surprise that Erin who sat next to me got the cuts and I didn’t. I wimped it.

Why didn’t I? I remember the cuts didn’t hurt all that much. I think now, after all these years, it was the secret feeling that it meant something more to me than a simple slap on the hand with a leather strap. It wasn’t something I could pass off and forget. It wasn’t that I thought was damaging or abusive or evil (pick any and all similar options). Getting the strap was special to me.

Anyway, this was the first workout of the new strap. I never did get the cuts off Mr P and only one other boy did. I remember him crying. We didn’t see the event, just saw him crying and looking upset later. Mr P must have given it to him hard. Thinking back, it was pretty awful, barbaric in fact.

All of this raised questions. Firstly that Mrs T had a strap, so a mother strapped her son at home? I remember being surprised at that. Then the next question, what did she replace it with, something worse or bigger? I don’t remember the woman but her son was a live wire. I remember him as short and often in trouble.

So, getting the cuts in school was normal. In those days the parents would have received the same and it wasn’t commented on. “Oh, so you got the strap at school dear, that will teach you,” was the attitude.

I remember staying at a friends house one night. His mother and sister were talking and he mentioned he’d got the cuts at school. Both his mother and sister had been amused by it. His ability to talk about something like that defeated me. I just couldn’t talk about it.

School days.

Strong Words That Helped

It was in about 2005 when I sought professional help as my life was in crisis. Things had got vastly out of hand. I was a mess.

I saw a local psychologist  which was the best thing I ever did. She provided insights that made a life changing difference to me.

‘What does denial bring’ were the first words she said that hit me hard. It was obvious to her and probably to anyone reading this that I was sufferig from trying to hide my inner self. It was equally obvious to her that I should do something about it and this was the first step in that process.

‘BDSM does not make you a bad person’ was another set of strong words she gave me. These helped absolve me of guilt. In my state, that was a revelation.

I don’t know why you don’t have a BDSM session’ was another set. I described to her my inner longing and what I had fantasized about for years. She could see the turmoil in me and she said those words. They were again revelatory in that someone could accept me even knowing that.

‘The BDSM session does not lessen who you are.’ This was almost a repeat of the second thing, but it was in reference to my position as a manager, as a husband and father.

I Recommend Seeking Professional help

If you feel lost, abandoned, prone to depression and panic attacks then it is vital you seek help. You are not alone and help really is available.

If your state of mind has this BDSM thing in there, lurking, destabilizing you then take heed. You are just like me and again, help is readily available.