All day I was thinking of making the call. As the day wore on I put my hand out a few times to make the call, then I pulled it back. Yes, I wimped out.
It was just so deeply…what?…scary?… Exciting?… Challenging?… Intimate?
I think it was all of the above. And more. It does bring that Silent Quiver in me.
Making The Decision
I’d been thinking of having another session for at least the last month. All that time it has been growing within me, pulling me forward.
I’ve felt my state of mind being fragile, liable to snap at people, tense and getting tension headaches. That is not me. Something was wroing and it was noticed.
Then it all fell into place.
This morning as I was talking to my wife, I told her how I feel. She nodded and commented that she’d seen the way I’ve been, then she actually suggested I have a session. She didn’t want to know the details, just that if I need it, then I should have it.
Then as I was closing the shop, after all the staff had left, I did it. I touched the phone then made the call. I booked my next BDSM session.
Have you ever had that feeling of excitement when you make a phone call that almost makes you quiver when you dial the numbers. Then when it rings you worry, will it be answered or not? Then you almost hope it won’t be answered because that will be a moment of truth when you have to cross a line, admit something, do something?
Then when it answers it is exciting. Thrilling almost.
That’s how I felt when it was answered.
So then it progressed the same as the many dozens of other such calls has; the reception person asked about the type of session, who I was wanting to book a session with, when, and the duration. She asked if I’d seen that mistress before then when it was all setup she asked me to confirm on the day. All good.
After this I sent a short email to the mistress. I am sure she has many other calls on her time so I don’t want to place a burden on her. Time is money after all and she has a life. I told her when I’d booked and said I hoped all was going well in her life.
I’ve also got a cunning plan to have a night out after the session, visit a quiet secluded cafe, have a dinner and document the session.
Comparing The Before To The After
There was a very big difference to how I felt before I booked the session, to how I felt afterwards. It was like a switch had been flicked inside me.
Previous to the phone call I’d been consumed with the thought of booking the session. I needed it, I had all the contradictory feelings of wanting it, but because it is so deeply personal to me, it felt such an intimate thing that making the call felt difficult.
Then after the call I felt relieved, relaxed and happy. I’d done something that I know I needed.
That then leaves what I want to happen in the session. I’ve mentioned some ideas in previous posts which I will think about over the coming few days.
I just need to make my mind up what I’ll be asking for in the session. The last one had been spectacularly good, the mistress really was excellent and based on over 15 years of experience, that is a high recommendation. I’d like that again, but a cold caning and prison strapping are calling me as well. Decisions, decisions!
So, only 2 sleeps to my next session!
Stay tuned for the write-up.