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First Post Covid Session Commentary

My Next Session

This post will be updated a number of times over the coming weeks.

It will document all phases of my upcoming session.

Booking The Session. I’ve not had a session in so long and now I have been able to book one 2  weeks in advance. As soon as I emailed mistress to book the session, and she confirmed, I felt better. Sure, it is 2 weeks away but I’ve done something! It is going to happen at long last.

She is the same mistress I’ve had three sessions with already. She is keen on the whole corporal, bondage, fetish thing I like and we get along very well. In fetish with the leather corset, skirt, boots and belts mistress looks fabulous.

Sessions with her are reasonably light hearted but she does demand I do as she says and present for the corporal I need.

What Will I Ask For?

This is consuming me. It has been almost a year now since my last session. Some injuries and illness as well as the pandemic has kept me away for so long.

I know I want more than I can take and that’s from experience.  I know that after a significant absence that my tolerance for corporal will be way down. There is nothing like getting a regular strapping and caning to let you take more strapping and caning. The eternity of 12 months away will make the session gruelling.

I feel I want to ask for a cold prison strapping and caning. I know also this will over-extend me and I’ll really struggle with it. But it calls to me. I just want to be really pushed, to have a super session.

I’ll think more about this and add to this post closer to session time.

Gear checkout happened.

I have a lot of gear that has not been used in so long. Pulling it out of storage made a few things become instantly noticeable.

First of all the buckles on all the belts and stirrup leathers were heavily tarnished. Damn. It takes an hour plus with some fine steel wool to clean them up.

Then, shock and horror, a couple of my straps and tawse have mould on them, fat hairy patches of mould. This really does not please me. In the end I wash them in clean water then use methylated spirit to rub them over. This will hopefully kill spores and maybe prevent it returning. I will have to check it again just before the session.

More Thoughts On The Session

Three days after booking the session I’m thinking I’ll ask for the same kind of session mistress and I had last time but with minor changes.

I’ll ask for lots of fetish tease with her putting on the belts, taking them off, getting them ready, showing me the belt or strap she is going to use. I’ll ask her to tell me she is going to strap me, “slave, mistress is going to strap those palms. Hands UP,” kind of thing. Same for the prison strapping and caning.  (same as last time)

I want to be gagged for the whole session. I find this makes immersion into sub-space easier and also it makes accepting heavy corporal easier.

The remainder will be pretty much the same again, with feeling!.

Then I’ll ask for a prolonged hand strapping, starting off with the school strap for lighter strokes, then progress through belts and tawse for progressively heavier hand strappings.

At the start of the session I want many more lighter strokes from many implements, rather than a few heavy strokes from a severe implement.

Then onto suspension, my wrist cuffs attached to the suspension bar and I’m lifted onto my feet.

Then start off with heavy belting from the wide belts she is wearing. The black belt is lighter, use that as hard as she can from each side.  Show taking it off and getting it ready. Make it sting, make me react. Take her time, watch me squirm, run the belt through her hands as she waits just a few seconds. Then repeat with the thicker brown belt.

After this for mistress to move through the other implements. Use an implement hard, then a lighter implement like a softer wider belt for me to recover. Do this time and again.

About half way through take me off suspension then onto my knees for another hand strapping. Mistress to give heavier strokes, not that many of them, but severe. This will probably mean the Lochgelly tawse gets used more than once.

Then I’ll be standing, bent over the bondage bench, my hands out in front of me and with the palms up.

In this position mistress can give me beltings, strappings and tawsing to my butt, hard. Every now and then mistress will move in front to give another six of the best hand strapping. She can use the end of a wide belt, a strap or a tawse.

Then as time draws to a close, a prison strapping then a sound caning.

Finally at the end of the session, kneeling again for a final hand strapping. I’ll be pretty wasted, probably not a lot of hand strapping is needed, but something to end with.

Problem. This is far too much information and far too much detail. I’ll have to distil this for the pre-session discussion.

I still can’t get the idea of a cold prison strapping and caning out of my head. i think I’ll ask mistress for this for next session in maybe a months time. She has an excellent memory. I am sure she will not forget. Plus she has her own prison strap, so maybe she should use hers and mine before the cane.

The Day Before

I’m not there yet. TBA.

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Session Introspection

In My BDSM Sessions

In my first ever BDSM session I was laying on the floor in strapped up in tight leather bondage.

The mistress used a ‘spine’ which is also called a ‘fishbone harness’ that comprises a dozen wide leather straps that wrap the body tightly. From the neck to the toes there is a lengthwise strap that keeps all the others in place. That’s why it looks like a fishbone.

This was my first ever session, and I’d never heard of this kind of harness before. And it felt so addicitively good.

I vividly remember feeling out of body in that I could almost see myself there as if looking down from above. I could see myself on the floor in bondage. I could just imagine so strongly what it looked like with the dominatrix in the room punishing me.

And at that moment I felt the strangeness of the moment.

It was a moment of deep introspection.

And for all the sessions over the years to come, I have felt that same thing so often, that same introspection, that same view of myself in the session.

It defies logic. It defies common sense. It defies everything I was brought up to accept as normal.

Looking Into The Mirror

All my sessions now happen in rooms with a large wall to ceiling mirror. My first session didn’t have a mirror that I can remember.

I do like to face the mirror and to watch the mistress closely. She is dressed to suit the session, to suit me, and that is a huge thing.

I also watch as she applies corporal. She lifts the belt, the strap, the cane or prison strap then she uses it.

Watching this I feel the thrill of the moment, the thrill of experiencing my innermost secret passions and needs.

But I also see myself as it is a mirror after all.

Seeing myself like this in the dungeon never ceases to amaze me.

There I am. The husband, the father, the son, the office worker, managing staff, in a situation like this seems so odd.

And I need it. Bring it on.

And I keep Coming Back

That too is strange if I give it any thought.

I reject and rail at myself for wanting this. Then at other times I miss it dreadfully and want it again. Soon. I want it now.

No matter how gruelling the session, no matter how hard the mistress gives me corporal I keep coming back.

My butt can be bruised and bloody, my hands tomato red and shaking, my back and shoulders striped and stinging. And I feel wonderfully relieved, refreshed, and at peace.

Then in a few weeks I want it again.

There is no denying it is a core need

Nope. No matter how long I think about this, it always comes back to “It is the way I am.”

I don’t do this to atone fro some mistake or feeling of guilt. I don’t seek this because of some kind of sin or crime.

It wasn’t learned, inflicted on me, something that I was pushed to do or suggested to me.

It is all on me. I am drawn to it.

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Hand Strapping And Tawsing Sessions

Hand Strapping & Tawsing

Have you ever read a about a professional BDSM dominatrix giving a hand strapping? Here you can. Do you find it strange, unreal? Is it appealing and do you know why? Read on if you are interested.

In the context of a B&D session, a hand strapping or tawsing is just like it sounds. The palm of the slave is struck by the dominatrix with a leather strap or a tawse.

There is no mystery in how it’s done. The mystery lies in the why and how of it, but as in all things, there are reasons.

This post will go into the subject of hand strapping and tawsing, mainly from a pro-domme session point of view. This is what I have extensive experience with and these are my experiences. Others will undoubtedly have other experiences and viewpoints.

However, if you wish to translate this into other forms of BDSM play, be my guest – I hope you can gain some benefit. Reading about real pro-dom sessions is probably not that common either as it is a very private (and expensive) experience.

I shall try to be as accurate as possible.

Hand strapping is a neglected art form in modern media and BDSM teasers.

In all the BDSM teasers that have been in modern films, and I have watched closely, hand strapping has not been featured. I can’t remember seeing it. Sure, there is a slave in bondage and maybe in suspension or on a cross, a cane maybe, a whip for sure, but no hand strapping or tawsing.

Maybe this is a subject too difficult for film producers, or is it too private and personal to be admitted to? Maybe it is not that common? Maybe they struggle to believe that someone would subject themselves to this (I think this sometimes myself).

You be the judge.

Hand strapping is unusual as the mistress faces the slave which does not happen with other forms of corporal punishment. Typically the mistress is behind the slave and might only be seen in a mirror.

For a hand strapping, the slave is close to the mistress, she is in his personal space. He must watch the mistress use the instrument of punishment, see her prepare for the stroke, then watch her deliver it to his defenseless and sensitive palms. She’ll watch as the hand is shaken, as the slave gasps with the pain and she will be right in front of him. Then she’ll give another stroke.

It becomes a highly personal experience, with a lot of other emotions. There can be embarrassment to be facing someone giving a hand strapping. There can be humiliation in there as well as you react and can’t control yourself, you show how much it hurts and you can’t control that.  What does mistrtess think? Is she disappointed in you for not taking your hand strapping better? As you wait for the strap to descend it is an intense and difficult time.

For example, a thick heavy tawse brought down along the fingers and palm feels excruciatingly painful with just one stroke. The hand bursts into flames in the intense sting. You wave it around to try to reduce the sting, you rub it, you gasp at the pain and wonder why in hell you asked for this, then the mistress calms says, “hands up,” and then you struggle. You look at the mistress with the tawse and feel a little fear. She is going to give you another stroke. How will you be able to accept that? Can you accept that? will you be weak and call mercy? Then she gives gives another and the pain increases. This is a real test.

This makes hand strapping a very different experience compared to, for example when getting caned on the butt or flogged across the back and shoulders. Typically for a caning  the slave is bent over something, the mistress is behind and to one side and then uses a cane. Similarly for a flogging. Sure there are mirrors in the dungeon (and as we all know, that is part of the fun) but there is distance involved. There can be an element of denial happening with this tye of corporal that you can’t get with hand strapping. You are not looking into the mistresses eyes as she straps you, she is not directly in front of you.

Regression into a different time and space is easy with hand strapping. It is hghly immersive. Suddenly you really are someone else, getting your hands strapped. Suddenly you really are under the control of mistress as she commands you to raise your hands and she stands in front of you then straps them.

It is overwhelming. With hand strapping, mistress is right up close and in front of slave. It really is much more personal.

Hand strapping, when phrased like that, is a much more personal experience.

Hand strapping is far more intimate, more kinkly, more fetish.

I am laboring this point, but it is hugely real.

Slave kneels and looks into the eyes of the dominatrix right in front of him. She looks into his eyes. She holds the strap and she shows him how he is going to be punished.

With the mistress standing right in front of the slave she is in his personal space and dressed in fetish. She is tweaking all his fetish and kink fantasies.

As she stands with the strap or tawse in her hand, she looks totally formidable. She faces her slave. She looks strict, stern, and formidable.

If slave is shy or slow or reluctant, mistress will tell him, “HANDS UP SLAVE” which can be a huge part of the session. Maybe slave has asked in the pre-session briefing for “Mistress to demand the hands are raised then she gives six of the best, time and again, and she shows no mecy,” (and I am thiunking about my next session!).

Hand strapping is all about role play, acceptance, fetish and fantasy.

“HANDS UP” says the mistress making slave present his hand to her.

Maybe she will hold the strap between her hands. Maybe she will raise and lower it.

Then she raises the strap and the discipline begins.

Tawase Cane

Two tawse and a punishment cane.

Taking her time, she will raise the strap or tawse over a shoulder. Slave will be watching intently, looking at the mistress in front of him as she is poised to deliver.

Then the strap will crack down, once, twice, many times. Each time there will be a reaction. Each time slave must accept the strapping. Each time the command, “HANDS UP!” is given if slave is slow.

Terms and Definitions

My focus is with sessions between a professional mistress and her client. I call him (or her) the slave. Forgive me if I (badly) blur the terms and definitions of both the implements and the players.

The alternative is to tie myself in knots trying to cover all the bases and roles – and being tied in knots is my not really thing – but it is getting there.

Tawsing. While I call it ‘hand strapping’ this equally applies to use of the tawse and hence the terms hand strapping and hand tawsing can be used interchangeably. Also, of historical note, this was also referred to as ‘a belting’ even when a tawse was used as quite often the tawse was referred to as ‘the belt.’

Historically, in schools in my area it was called ‘getting the cuts’ and the word strap was seldom used. We got the cuts, not strapped. We’d never heard of a tawse.

Hand caning is also in-theme for this post. The mistress uses a cane, of course, and usually applies it side on where as the strap is often applied lengthwise. I’ve had that and it just dosen’t do it for me. My fetish for leather just isn’t tweaked by hand caning. The feeling of a hand caning is actually quite similar to a severe tawse, there is not much to choose between them. Both hurt a lot.

So forgive me, I’ll refer to ‘the mistress’ and to ‘the slave’ but of course this applies equally to all players and forms of BDSM play no matter how the roles are defined. Same to the types of implement used.

The Anatomy Of Straps and Tawse

The strap may be the end of a belt, a folded belt or a purpose made strap designed specifically for punishment. The typical dimensions would be at least a foot long, and often eighteen inches, though two foot long straps are also common. For hand strapping, a width of about one and a half inches is usual and the thickness can be whatever is available though the thicker leathers are of course more severe. Historically a piece of harness leather or an old belt would be pressed into service, and more than likely, only for BDSM would a purpose made strap be used these days.

Size matters.

A wider strap spreads the force out a little more but it still stings if used with force. The more thick, solid, less flexible the strap the more the sting gets in.

Straps made of a doubled belt are more ‘thuddy’ compared to a single length. A narrower strap stings more.

Wider straps land with perhaps less sting but also perhaps a little harder. The best (most painful) strap is a single piece of leather about an inch and a half wide, eighteen inches long and fairly stiff. The thicker the better and the more easily controlled.

In general, the longer the strap, the more speed the end of it has when it comes down on the palm and fingers. This can make it less accurate. A two foot long strap is about the maximum as beyond that it becomes difficult to control and aim.

The slave’s palm is often quivering and not the biggest of targets. The palm is held up and out waiting for the strap to descend and it can often be shaking from previous strokes, moving slightly. Unlike a slave in bondage getting a flogging or a caning when bent over something, a palm held out for the strap is not restrained.

Hand strapping does require precision so a strap that is manageable and well controlled is important. As mentioned, about a foot and a half long is ideal and somewhere around an inch and a half wide is optimum for the sting and thud mix.

Shorter straps are easier to use, to control and aim, but their effect is less. I have a ‘school strap’ that I had made. It is just over a foot long and really quite mild. I have an old belt that is used doubled up for a hand strapping. The leather is old and supple and not overly thick. Even though it is longer and two thicknesses of leather, it is still quite mild.

The sound of a strap on palm is distinctive. It is a full bodied high pitched and substantial crack, particularly if the hand is held flat, not cupped. Often the gasp of the slave follows soon after.

A tawse is in my opinion much more severe even though they are so similar to a strap.

A tawse is a strap split down the middle once or more times. This gives it a number of narrower tails, each perhaps a half inch wide, maybe up three quarters of an inch wide.

The effect of this is to increase the sting, dramatically. A well delivered tawse stroke feels significantly more painful that a strap stroke. The tails being more narrow seem to get in and sting more like canes than a strap. The tawse feels like it burns in its sting.

In schools in Scotland, the tawse was very much in use in the 1900’s till it was banned in the ’80s. Many saddlers made them for teachers and advertised them for sale. The most famous was the Lochgelly made by John Dick and descendants. Here is its story.

A Lochgelly tawse is a formidable piece of leather. Just a few strokes leaves all but the most experienced and hardened slave bent over and rubbing the infernal sting that’s burning deep in the hands.

Tawse come in many shapes and sizes but with strong similarities. Typically they have two or three tails and usually are about eighteen inches long. A two foot long tawse would be a long one. The type of leather used for original Lochgelly tawse was both dense and thick making it even more painful to receive.

The multiple narrower tails of the tawse, all traveling at speed penetrate more than a wider strap. The feeling is closer to being caned on the hands. For a thick and stiff three tailed well made tawse the effect is far more severe than the strap.

The sound of a tawse is a little different to a strap. It is slightly more high pitched making a more shrill ‘thwick’ rather than the stronger crack-like sound of a strap.

Technique

For slave, the hand is raised as mistress commands. Most mistresses accept however slave raises it. I usually raise one hand at a time, palm up, fingers together with the thumb pressed into the side of the hand. The mistress stands in front, the palm and fingers are flat and pointing toward her.

Sometimes I have been commanded to support one hand with the other. This is the original Scottish school style where the hand is supported.

The supposed benefit of the two handed presentation is that the second hand makes it more difficult to pull the hand away or to move it as the tawse is descending. Remember, slave is in front of mistress and watching her put the strap up in the air then bring it down on the waiting palm and fingers. Slave knows how painful it will be so the temptation to move the hand, to avoid the pain, can be overwhelming. For some. I know. I feel that.

For mistress, giving a hand strapping can be done in a few ways that affect both the delivery and also, just as importantly, the whole visual of the experience.

Most often a hand strapping is given pretty much as expected. The strap is held in the hand which is raised over the mistresses shoulder. Then after a small delay it is brought down on the slaves waiting and often quivering hand.

An alternative way is for the mistress to grip the far end of the strap with her other hand, in front of her. It looks like she is sttretching the strap almost. This can help her aim and also if done right, increase the speed of the strap.

I’ve had a few mistresses use this technique. One thing I always think about this method is that it looks ‘like ballet’ – the mistress is standing with the strap helf between two hands and looks poised.

A third way is for the mistresses other hand to go behind her back and catch the end of the strap when it is put over her shoulder and down behind her. By pulling down on the strap as she prepares to bring it down, it comes down a lot harder.

This remings me of school. We had a teacher who used this technique and he always made the strap really sting.

Hand Strapping - A Real Session

BDSM sessions with a mistress usually progress from lighter through to more severe implements during the session. That is unless it is a ‘cold’ type session where the most severe is used first. I’ve had a few with the prison strap and cane, they are challenging (more on this later). I’ve not had this with hand strapping though.

Here is a typical session.

At the start of a session I’ve stripped off, had a shower then am kneeling on a towel on the concrete floor. I wear a collar and cuffs. I have my own implements arranged on another towel, arranged in order of severity. On the left is a ‘school strap’ about a foot long, then on the right hand end is the most severe which is a Lochgelly replica with three painfully thick tails. In between are half a dozen other tawse and straps. Nearby are a few belts which are also used.

The collar, the cuffs, being in the dungeon and with the implements laid out beside me puts me into a submissive mood, approaching sub-space.

All my fetishes are being fed and my mind seems to still, to recede.

I become  slave.

Mistress arrives. She moves around me, checking me, then she selects something from my collection.

She stands in front of me. She is of course gorgeous and dressed in leather; leather skirt, leather corset, and two of my widest leather belts around her waist.

“Hands up slave,” she says quietly.

Holding a strap between her hands all my fetishes are lighting off. Unless it is the tawse. Then there is a feeling of concern knowing that it will hurt far more than the mere strapping she has or will give me.

How It Feels

Painful! Exciting. Embarrassing. Severe. Hyper fetish and kinky.

I feel embarrassed to have this in a session. I kneel in a submissive pose. I must present my palms and bear the inspection of the mistress and look into her eyes. I show her how weak I am when the pain she brings sears into me.

I am an office worker, I use the keyboard a lot and do all the normal things around the office and home. My hands not used to manual labor and hence not hard or calloused or rough.

While not delicate, my hands are sensitive and probably normal of most office workers.

When the strap comes own, ‘crack’, it stings and burns and hurts deeply.

When the tawse comes down, it feels like that and much more so.

Why - Oh Why Is This A Thing?

As with most things, there is more than one reason and it is also difficult to determine which of the reasons are more important.

In a session, I’m not sure I want a hand strapping, I am absolutely sure I NEED a hand strapping. That’s the way it feels.

For me the appeal is a ‘whole thing’ where the strict leather mistress makes me raise the hand then she gives me the hand strapping. There is the embarrassment of facing her and making myself take the strokes, to present the other hand, to try to endure. She is watching me, I watch mistress raise the strap, it is challenging. It is the way she is dressed in fetish, the setting in the dungeon, the submission to mistress, the implement and of course the pain.

Of all these things, the pain is least important – strange as it may seem. That is sort of a secondary by-product.

Writing this, I am introspecting, trying to define what it actually is that draws me back to getting a hand strapping. Where is it at?

Putting it down on a web page makes me relive the experience, to try to understand myself.

One thing that occurs that I’ve not seen anyone else mention is that hand strapping in a session has absolutely no subterfuge. There can be no denial of what’s happening. As it is happening it is all about a BDSM session with all the fetish and needs happening all at once. In other positions in the dungeon, with other things happening, I’m not facing the mistress. I’m not looking at the session face on, I can sort of avoid the whole thing a little by being in sub space with the imagination running riot.

Facing the mistress and watching her give a hand strapping is full on fetish and BDSM.

Wrapping it all up into one thing… I think the appeal is in facing the strict mistress as she hold the strap in her hands. She commands me, I comply, then I watch her with the strap. It is my submission.  I try as hard as I can to endure the strokes of the strap, and so she straps me harder. It seems to get deeply into me. I feel the embarrassment of being in front of her and facing her.

I feel the fetish so strongly and I look at the mistress and know it is something I must do.

Trying It Out At Home - Self Strapping

Get a leather belt, maybe an inch to an inch and a half wide. Then using just the end of it, bring it down on your open hand, down along the palm and onto the fingers. Make it crack down.

How many times can you do this and how hard? Can you do it hard three times? Make it six? I find that with all my experience only three or four is my limit.

Then if you own a tawse, that is a whole different thing. If you can give yourself two or three hard strokes of the tawse across your other hand, well done.

I’ve done this a few times. It is not very successful as I can’t apply the kind of force that a mistress in a session will do. I always chicken out far too early.

This was a revelation in my first pro-dom session many years ago. The mistress strapped me far harder than I had done for myself, and she gave me a lot more strokes. So many more, it was in the range of about 30 strokes to each palm, end on. Now in my sessions it is more than this and the tawse is used also leaving my hands red and shaking.

Did any of this rambling discussion bring any enlightenment? Please let me know.

Right now in Covid lockdown the thought of my next session is dominating me. What will I ask for?

I do know a hand strapping will feature. I feel another post coming on.

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Asking In Ignorance

Communication And BDSM

One mistress said her pet hate was a client saying “just do what you think I want” – or similar. She said it put so much stress on her and made her worry far too much about what she was doing.

Thinking about it, that is a crazy thing to say. BDSM has an absolutely huge range of options. The chance of getting what you want by not communicating is about nil.

Same for knowing what you want, but as thr Stones said ‘you can’t always know what you want.‘

Conclusion

A funny place to put a conclusion – but here it is.

Do your homework first. Try to work out what works for you. Leave options open. Try for a rapport with the mistress so she will sense if something is not working.

To get a great session requires great communication with a mistress. My sessions needs are ‘basic and core business’ for mistresses but there are things I like and don’t. These must be spelled out.

The precise words you use are also super important. The mistress will listen and use these in crafting your session.

Example. I remember one mistress in the pre-session discussion saying “I’ll give you a good beating” – which was wrong. I had to correct her, “sorry mistress. A good belting, a good strapping and a thorough tawsing then caning please.” For me ‘beating’ is not the word to use. Same as ‘hit’ – nope, wrong words, wrong connotations.

Planning ahead is essential particularly if you are (like me) nervous. If you are a lists person, then a short bullet point list will go a long way to having a great session.

I Remember My First Session

I’ve been writing my biography and in that I documented my first session and my reaction to it. I took notes at the time and also, I do remember this session very well.

For this first session, I had spoken to the mistress on the phone and outlined what my BDSM was for me. I talked very briefly, in stumbling phrases about it and that was pretty confronting for me.

Then when we eventually met for the session she asked a few questions then the session happend.

Well in hindsight I was pretty ignorant. There is no doubt. I asked for some things which happened (great) but the mistress did things that took me so far past that. That was confronting at the time but she was correct.

I count myself lucky that I’d chosen an excellent mistress and she was able to read my responses and creat a session that worked so well.

I hadn’t given her much to work with.

Choosing A Professional Matters

In my session I was lucky I chose a mistress who was super experienced and liked the bondage and corporal that I did. She’d taken a number of newbies before and she tried things out with me,

I do not remember anything she did that didn’t work well. However I do remember thinking she’d done a lot more than I imagined.

So doing some research before a session would seem like a good idea.

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Biography – The Walk Of Seven Yards

A Kink Biography

One thing the Covid lockdown has been good for is introspection. Since I can’t travel to my office, I found myself spending more time thinking about my life, and writing. I’ve even written a “TED Talk” that goes into the whole kink thing from my perspective.

Anyway. I started a kink biography! Why? Why not!

Over the decades I’ve kept small writings about where I’ve been at and what I’ve been doing. Also I have session notes from all the mistresses I’ve seen and the places they have worked out of. It has been an interesting time revisiting those notes.

I am not 100% sure I will ever publish the biography as it is rather personal, maybe I’ll just leave it a work in progress. However there are some sections I’ll publish here. Maybe there are some people who would benefit, maybe some laughs, maybe some sighs of disbelief.

Oh yes! The anecdotes section has grown considerably. I should update this site with some of them.

Anyway – here is the first small writing. This was my crossing of the Rubicon moment, a time when over three decades of thinking about BDSM was transformed into action.

I was pulled to this, unstoppably pulled toward this just like how gravity pulls us down to earth.

The Walk Of Seven Yards

The phrase … ‘The walk of seven yards took me thirty years to make’ is something I’ve often thought to myself – as it had.

Walking off the public footpath then across those seven yards to knock on an average looking green suburban front door is something I’ll never forget. Same as the words ‘Welcome slave’ from the woman, my first interaction with a dominatrix, who opened the door.

This was to be a collection of firsts; the first dungeon I had ever been in, my first contact with a sex worker, and the first of many BDSM sessions.

So it happened like this.

I walked off the footpath, knocked on the door then waited. From an almost comforting silence I heard the increasingly loud clacking of sharp definite footsteps on a tiled floor. The presumption that it was the person I was to see, a dominatrix, was confirmed when she opened the door and said ‘Welcome Slave’ in a rather sultry voice.

I had said in the phone call I made to book the session that ‘the belt’ was my thing and so I was delighted to see her wearing a rather nice medium width one round her waist. She was tall and statuesque, rather well made up and to be honest, intimidatingly attractive. The pilot cap and sharp makeup balanced out the effect into a classic dominatrix look.

After confirming who I was, she opened the door and said to enter the second door on the left, which I did.

First impressions are super important and in this it was absolutely this way. In hindsight she was a good first mistress, someone with a decade plus of experience – but she had her own demons I was later to find.

On entering the first dungeon I had ever been in, I instantly felt at home. I was happy to be there, relaxed yet eager. It was a tangible feeling and it still is.

The tension of actually getting there had dissipated, and now I had the stress of the session itself which was comparatively far more minor. Why? Thinking back, ‘it would just happen’ was where I was at. Being there was the difficult part, letting it happen wasn’t.

It is so many years ago now that I write about the session, but I do remember it well.

I was and still get triggered by being in the dungeon, the whole BDSM experience. That is a term that just occurred to me as I wrote it, and it is correct. Something calming and soothing is triggered by the experience.

Have you ever gone on holiday feeling tight and wound up and strung out, then when you arrive you suddenly feel a massive release of tension. That was exactly the feeling for me. And over the next fifteen years I still get it.

‘I had arrived’ and it felt good.

At the time I recognized that feeling I also felt the strangeness of it. There I was in a room with a bondage bench, a St Andrews cross, a wall of BDSM equipment, a mirror and a suspension winch – and a tall amazonian dominatrix – and I felt at home.

Never ever have I not felt the strangeness of this time. But the ‘welcoming coming home feeling’ continues and is such a strong feeling. I go into a dungeon and am happy.

The Interview – A Pre Session Discussion

The mistress told me to sit on a small and low stool which I did. I found myself feeling rather stupid as I looked up to her, just like back in junior school looking up at the teacher. She is a tall woman, but not quite my height so I later thought she wanted to set me into a subservient position from the get go. She really was quite clever.

Well, for the next short while the mistress questioned me about what I want, what experience I had and what I thought should happen in the session. It was all very business like and if anything a little difficult as here I was telling someone my deepest darkest most hidden thoughts and fetishes.

This was a huge first for me.

Getting Ready

Then I was told to ‘take off you clothes, put on this dressing gown, go down the hall and take a shower. Come back then we shall start the session.’ If that doesn’t put a lump in a newbies throat nothing will – and it was like that for me. And worse.

Laboring the point, now was the real moment of truth. It was scary enough knocking on the front door, this was heading into a full shaking body out of mind scary time.

Even worse and really quite stupidly, I’d not thought of this before, but I had to get naked in front of another woman as she watched. I felt that acutely, I still remember the embarrassment. I also felt the stupidity of that feeling – I had to push through it so that is what I did. Guilt at the thought of cheating on my wife is a horrid thing.

I do know that as the session progressed, it became easier and easier to be in the session, once the ice was broken. There was a comfort from it being a professional arrangement pure and simple.

After the shower and on my return, the dungeon was empty. I stood looking at the room and the implements. The collection of gear hanging on a trellis on the wall was pretty much what you’d expect to see in a BDSM dungeon and some of it was extraordinary and some of it rather mundane. What possible use could fishing sinkers have went through my mind. Clearly I had much to learn.

Then I heard footsteps returning down the tiled corridor outside.

…. to be continued…. maybe. Should I document my first bondage and discipline session here? You be the judge.

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Even with the best of intention – Covid defeated us

Covid and Kink

Like so many people we have struggled under the covid-19 pandemic and the various social distancing and lockdowns required.

To play with our kink requires, ideally, particupation with others in a caring and consensual environment. The Covid pandemic has stopped that cold. So no kink for months and months!

Now, updating this site for the first time this year we find we have nearly forgotten everything we learned. Clearly I.T. is not our strong suit.

The only upside is that we have done a lot of writing work on various projects we hope to publish in the near future.

Stay safe.

 

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Having A Belt Fetish

A Belt Fetish For Life

From my early teens I know I had a belt fetish. Mainly it was when a woman wore a wide belt, the wider the better and only of leather. If it was about two inches wide then it would draw my eyes like a magnet. Irresistible.

Men wearing belts don’t do it for me, nor do belts made with anything other than wide solid leather.

While I really don’t care for women’s fashions in general, I do take note of the belt trends. The 60’s, 70’s and 80’s had some lovely hip slung wide belts. These never cease to please.

Who wears the best belts? Google search “diane keaton belt” and you will be delighted if you have my fetish. She is on a level all her own when it comes to wearing wide belts.

I rate women’s belts. Diane Keaton would have to be a 10/10 every time. I have never seen her with anything more narrow than a 2 inch belt and 3 inch is the norm.

Leather belts are so useful for BDSM and the fetishist like me. My first bondage experience was with leather luggage straps, belts, and to this day I remember those life changing times.

Belts

Belts work so well at every level. They draw the eye, they make the mind wander. Round mistresses waist they trigger the leather fetish fully. Just picking one up and running it through the hands has its own special appeal.

Belt Fetish and BDSM

I have two 2 inch wide and quite thick leather belts that mistress wears in my pro-dom BDSM sessions. She puts them both around her waist and watching her do that is a special thing for me. It triggers all my fetishes.

For the last 2 sessions she’s worn one over the shoulder like a bandolier, the belt running between her breasts. For any kind of voyeur it is engrossing.

Mistress also paid me a compliment that I found surprising and endearing. Last session she showed me a new belt she’d bought saying she’d been thinking of me when she bought it. She wore it during session – and it looked absolutely fabulous too.

Seeing a woman put on a belt, seeing her take it off, seeing her adjust the belt round her waist is a huge high.

My brown belt is thicker and quite solid, the black is thinner and more supple. During the session mistress will run her hands along a belt, then take it off, double it then give me a strapping with it. Then she’ll put it back round her waist then later it will all repeat again and again.

Time and again mistress will caress the belt…take it off…fold it in half…use it…put it back on again slowly. And I will be closely watching her do that.

strap harness dress

I wish I could find a fish-bone harness (also known as a spine). They are a harness of a dozen  inch and a half wide straps totally wrapping the slave, strapping him up tight.

A strappy women’s harness dress is always good.

Bondage in belts works so well, at every level. Laying in tight bondage, unable to move, feeling the leather against the skin and even the small sounds of leather moving is just delicious.

When mistress buckles the straps up tight, and they wraps the wrists, ankles, knees and maybe straps running between them, slave is totally at her mercy.

Corporal From Belts triggers the fetish making the trip into sub-space quick. Mistress stands in front of slave and takes off her belt. She folds it in half, then gives slave a strapping with it, forcefully slamming the doubled leather down making gunshot loud cracks that echo out of the dungeon and down the corridor. Then and most importantly, she stands in front of slave as she puts it back on and adjusts it round her waist.

Collecting Belts

I haven’t collected a lot of belts, just maybe a dozen if you count stirrup straps as belts.

My two 2 inch wide belts mistress wears are firm favorites. They have roller buckles with a heavy duty feel to them, yet they sit so well on mistresses hips just drawing the eyes in. They were purpose made for me by a saddler. The thinner black belt is quite supple making it easy to accept a strapping from it, while the brown belt is thicker leather and quite severe. I’ve had so many strapping’s from them both, every session for maybe 10 years and usually more than one strapping of at least a dozen strokes a few times per session.

Purchasing women’s belts isn’t a thing for me. I can’t do it. It feels strangely wrong. it feels almost hypocritical to say that – it conjures up the feeling of stealing panties off the washing line (not something I’m into at all – each to their own – not for me).

I get my belts from a saddler – they are made to my specifications and it works well for me. Possibly they are not the cheapest, but the leather is absolutely first class. Some I’ve had for nearly 15 years and while the leather is a little scuffed in places, they are still absolutely excellent.

Stirrup straps are a mixed pleasure. The buckle on the ones I have is a little odd but they do work well for bondage even though they are a little stiff and coarse on the inside. For corporal, a strapping, I find them a little narrow and perhaps not severe enough. A few mistresses have given me some strokes with them but they haven’t really worked all that well.

Perhaps next time when you see a woman wearing a wide belt, or a rack of belts on sale – think of me and smile.

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Getting The Cuts (strap) at School

In Days Of Old - School Was Very Different

When I went to school, we all sat in school desks, two to a desk. These were lined up in rows of usually three, and there would be maybe 5 or 6 desks to a row. Class sizes tended to be larger than they are now, usually in the 30’s.

It was by today’s standard spartan to say the least.

Yes, we sat in these. No padding, no cushions. There was even a hole for an ink-well.

Under the lid we stored books, pencils, other things we brought from home.

School desk

Classroom Discipline - The Cuts

Make no mistake – the practice of beating children for any reason is not condoned, suggested or recommended in any way. It was a disturbingly brutal practice belonging to a time well left behind us.

But that was the way it was, in my day corporal punishment was in-vogue. Most teachers both male and female in our school had a leather strap which was used to enforce classroom discipline.

We would be called out to the front of class, made to present the palm of one hand, then the strap was cracked down on it.

We called it “getting the cuts” – I suppose as a result of how it felt, a sharp biting pain.

Some of the female teachers would send students to a male teacher to be strapped, while others had their own strap. I remember sitting watching younger students come into my class to get the cuts from my teacher. Then one day, he sent his strap back with the children for their teacher to use. She must have used it, I don’t remember them coming back after that.

That was the way it was.

“Come Out The Front”

The command “come out to the front” was dreaded. It meant you were getting the cuts, the strap, the ultimate sanction.

You would have to stand then walk with every eye of the class on you as you moved to the front of the class room.

I remember that feeling of being called out the front. It was doom-dread mixed with a huge amount of embarrassment. ‘I’m getting the cuts’ was my thought. Then ‘everyone is watching’ was the next.

The teacher would go to the desk then produce the feared strap which was usually stowed in a drawer, but if the class had been unruly the teacher might have even been carrying it to ensure attention. Sitting up in your desks, nothing focused the mind like watching the teacher holding the strap, or point it at you when asking a question.

I remember standing out the front waiting to get the cuts with every eye on me and to this day, I feel some embarrassment thinking about that.

The experience of being strapped, of the pain, I barely remember. I do remember the sound of it, and I remember thinking that the others in the class thought it should hurt but I never really felt that. Sure, it stung, but it wasn’t all that much. The embarrassment was the worst part.

In my school one stroke was the norm. I never heard or saw anyone get more than this, and it was only boys. I never saw or heard of a girl getting the cuts. I don’t ever remember thinking this unfair either. Again, it was just the way it was.

How Was It Done?

Usually the student would be told to come out the front of the class, though sometimes the teacher would walk along the aisles between desks and strap a student if need be. It was quicker.

“Hold out your hand,” was the command.

The usual method was to make the student stand with the arm raised, the palm held flat and open, thumb tucked in to make an ideal target. It is a very submissive pose, the flat of the palm presented and open and accepting punishment. That just adds to it all, putting the student in their place.

The teacher then put the strap up and over the shoulder, the elbow tucked into the side to help with aim. There would be a delay of a fraction of a second, just enough to gauge the target, then with a firm downward arm movement the leather strap would flash down and crack across the palm and fingers.

The crack of the strap was quite loud, sharp, I remember that. The sting would follow then you would be told to go back to your seat. Usually there was some form of telling off, usually shouted, where the teacher would point out what you’d done wrong and also warn you that you’d get the cuts again, and more, if you did it again. I remember sometimes the student had to take the strap back to the teachers drawer, or fetch it for use. That never happened to me.

There was variation in teachers and how often they strapped. I remember the worst teacher I had, an older man, shouted a lot and tended to have some spit flying through the air. He was very keen with his strap, just about all the boys got it at least once. I got it twice from him. All that said, I never thought him unfair. He gave a warning then you got the cuts if you messed around. Very simple.

What Strap Variations Were There?

In my school, none. The strap was a piece of leather maybe an inch and a half wide and maybe a foot and a half long. They could be shorter, or narrower or longer – but you get the general idea. They really were a nothing special kind of thing.

I don’t know where they came from. They could have been the end of a belt or a piece of harness perhaps. All the straps I ever saw were like this. I seem to remember that some had some holes in them, not large, which makes me think they were the ends of belts.

There was some school ground folk-lore about straps. The most common was that the teachers starched them, to make them more stiff to hurt more. I doubt that was true. I don’t remember there being discussions on how to make getting the cuts less painful.

Some blogs I’ve read suggested some things to reduce the sting which were quite stupid. We tended to almost ignore it I suppose.

I remember in grade six our teacher didn’t have a strap, so one of the mothers donated hers which he then proceeded to show the class and demonstrate on anyone who wanted to try a stroke. This is mentioned in another post HERE.

Other schools I heard of from a friend had a split strap, known as a tawse. These have a long history of school use going back nearly 100 years and they can be vicious. The split makes them sting much more fiercely. I had never heard or a tawse till getting into BDSM, and now I own a half dozen.

A cane was also used in some schools, but I believe they were mostly (or all?) private schools. Mine was a state school where the strap ruled supreme.

What Would You Get Strapped For?

I remember getting the cuts in grade 4 for talking to a friend. We were whispering and the teacher had enough. We were both told to come out the font, present our hands then he strapped us, one stroke each.

In grade 5 I got the cuts twice. I remember I got the cuts for mucking up a long multiplication sum. He put the sum on the board then checked everyone’s work. Those who got it wrong had to come out the front for the strap. There were three of us. The thing was, he’d said very strongly (shouted) that we must do it his way to get it right. We didn’t listen. We got the cuts.

How Were Students Affected?

I don’t remember feeling any animosity to my teachers. I do not remember any of them abusing their corporal punishment powers. It was to them and us just a part of teaching. I was probably lucky that way. Not everyone was so lucky.

I don’t remember resenting our teachers.

I remember it as being relatively fair, if such a thing can have that consideration.

One thing we were always aware of was how strict a teacher was, particularly if it was end of year and we were going into a new grade. That was always a concern.

I do know it had an awful and lasting effect on many people.

From my own speaking with friends and acquaintances, here are some real life anecdotes.

  • I know that at another secondary school a friend of mine called a teacher ‘strap happy’ meaning he used his strap a lot. The woodwork teacher. The implication was that he over used it. He was resented for that. It had a lasting effect.

  • Another friend in grade 6 said he was strapped unfairly and he got more than one stroke. He hated the teacher as a result.

  • A person I knew said he went to a religious based school. He commented that the brothers (teachers) thought a leather strap made the students smarter. He had a lot of resentment. He also had some significant drug and learning problems. The effect on him was awful.

  • A BDSM mistress commented to me that some of her clients can’t abide the cane. It reminds them of bad times at school. It affected them so badly.

  • Some younger Asian girls I met casually mentioned that they were caned at school if they did poorly or played up. Same at home by their mothers. This was relatively recent also.

  • I remember some of the boys in grade 5 had a need to play up and didn’t care one little bit if they got the cuts. It didn’t affect them in the least.

  • I hated getting the cuts. I avoided it. I tried to be an excellent student. It was the walk of shame that affected me the most – every eye on me.

Were There Lasting Effects?

For me, it was something that just was. There was nothing unusual about it, it was part of school life and everyone accepted it.

For others, they were badly affected and for life I believe. Truly, this is something that for some children left lasting and terrible legacy and hence it is right and proper that it has been banned in schools for many years.

Any search of the internet will expose disturbing stories of criminal level abuse of children.

Now, after much reflection about this for much of my life I don’t consider myself abused, damaged, traumatized by corporal punishment at school.

I do know it affected me. I can’t normally talk about it as I find the whole thing deeply personal. Exposing this on the internet is far easier. Even in pre-session discussions with mistresses, it takes effort to say what I need and hand strapping is one of the more difficult things to discuss.

What About My Pro-Dom Sessions?

Now, over 50 years later, hand strapping is something that I get in a BDSM session from a mistress. In the pre-session discussion we talk about what I have in mind and a hand strapping at the start, in the middle, then at the end of the session is what I usually ask for.

In the pre-session discussion, I find talking to the mistress about hand strapping the most difficult.

In session, time and again, the mistress commands me to hold out my hand (just like at school) then she gives me the cuts but there are many differences (improvements?).

A follow up post will document my pro-dom hand strapping and tawsing sessions plus discuss the whys and hows of it all.

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Welcome to 2020

Welcome to 2020

A New Year - A Great year Coming

So, 2019 was a year that saw me define many things.

For example, this website and blog became much more important to me as I grew more comfortable with my inner feelings. Just writing these blog entries and exposing them to the internet has been a cathartic healing process.

Getting on top of emotions and their baggage, trying to see a way forward and gain comfort from acceptance is not easy. Writing it down helps.

So where am I heading in 2020 and what about SilentQuivers?

  • I would like to see the tone of my writing change from one of angst to one of graceful acceptance. I won’t go back and edit old posts so that any progression should be exposed.
  • I want to learn 2 new things in 2020. I can’t expose what they are, but they will be peripheral to my work-life and hobbies. I want to generate new interests in my life, expand, grow mentally.
  • Write more. Expose more of my writing in my blog.
  • My health has not been great. I shall make 2020 the year this turns around.

But Most Important of All

To myself and to everyone I wish the blessing of good health, good friends, good loving and a good life.

As I get older, these become more and more important.

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Best Wishes – Peace To All

Seasons Greetings

Snowman

Peace and Good Will To All

Here at Silent Quivers we wish all our readers and followers the most wonderful Christmas, end of year break, and New Year.

For us, the spirit of Christmas is peace, kindness and a time to bond with those around us.

We wish that for everyone.

What Will 2020 Bring?

Welcome 2020

Peace and happiness are mandatory. Same for health. I take responsibility for that and now more than ever it has become important.

But what about life itself?

Re-read this. I was cleaning out my bookshelf and there it was – a book of condensed inspiration. Skimming it I found the pencil underlined sections and I know I got so much from it. Time to top-up.

It took one minute to discover this. It rings true. “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.“ Stephen R Covey.

I am going to learn something new. Self honesty tells me that I’ve not really learned anything new for the last few years. I know when I really try, I can do most things. The problem is motivation – so that is what I’m going to work on. I’m going to pick something new that interests me then kick into it. Learn it. It will be something that dove-tails with my other hobbies so it all works together.

One of my other hobbies is photography. It is something I’ve always enjoyed but never really pursued properly. Composition, lighting, technical aspects are all intriguing and calling out to me. It is time I made a significant investment in equipment, time and effort. I feel I want to capture more and better of the world around me. At this time in my life with my children finding partners, documenting the journey feels more important than ever before.

Something I struggle with. Write a journal. With the changes in my life from self honesty, embracing that which I truly am, and getting older – I feel the need to document my life. Part of it is that I’ve never felt happier. I’d like to capture that. I’m cognizant that my hourglass hasn’t got that much sand left in it, I’d just like to make the most of it and document it.

Those are my goals.

What are yours?