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Pain In BDSM 2

My BDSM session focuses on Corporal Punishment and Bondage

The purpose of this post is to give a perspective of pain in a BDSM session, the why and the how of it. I know that use of pain in BDSM is something people struggle to  understand. Here is my perspective.

Just so you understand, to set the scene, I had a BDSM session 7 days ago. It featured me being tied up with leather straps (bondage) and heavy corporal punishment from a leather clad dominatrix. She used belts, straps, tawse, canes and a prison strap on me. And I loved it.

These implements were all used on my butt hard enough to leave welts for a few days. My hands were strapped and tawsed hard enough to leave them bruised and tingling for three days.

This kind and level of corporal punishment I would  have called as a ‘medium’ intensity session, maybe a fraction more but not much more.

In previous sessions I’ve been strapped and caned so hard my butt has become leathery and had blood on it from a number of places, the bruising showing up purple and black for nearly a week

For this session I asked the mistress for a ‘medium but as she wishes’ as I’d not had a session for 13 months and hence felt my tolerance and the ability to endure corporal punishment would be down, reduced.

Just so as you know, I wanted this, and I really really enjoyed it both as it happened and later when I felt the effects.

Also, so there is no misunderstanding and to put context into it, I don’t have an orgasm in the session, I don’t have sex in the session nor given any intimate touching or hand relief etc. I get corporal and bondage – pure and simple.

Google Pain and BDSM

If you do an internet search you can pretty much find any reason to have or not have anything in your life. The total spectrum of human interaction and possible end results is damn near infinite. It becomes problematic to find something that is definitive that targets what you are really wanting to know.

Also, the intelligence and the wisdom of the people giving the information may not be helpful. Do they truly understand what they are talking about, or is their study based on academic and scientific grounds with little feeling for the topic?

Getting the right answer can be totally subjective to all parties; the writer and the reader. And thus it is for me.

In my experience I feel many articles miss the point with pain and BDSM more often than not. Sometimes they miss a central and blindingly simple explanation for things.

For Me...

For me, pain in a BDSM session is an experience, a feeling not stigmafied or rejected because it is pain. It is a transport mechanism, it promotes a feeling of relief, it is nothing and everyting. It is contradictory and perplexing to many, to me it just is.

There is a difference in what I present here to many other writings on the internet – I offer information from the first person perspective.

When I’m questioned by my wife as to how I can accept what I do, I think the worst thing about pain in BDSM is my inability to bring understanding. It is totally foreign to others. Trying to explain it is so damn difficult.

I get the question, “but it hurts. How can you want that?”

I give the answer “It’ contexual, part of the total experience of the session, it captures and transports.”

And so it is with searching for ‘bdsm pain’ and various combinations. Expect to be confused.

I Never Saw Myself as a Masochist

Even now, writing that, I find it difficult to identify as being a masochist.

I don’t like pain outside of a BDSM session. A splinter, a stubbed toe, and the list gos on for painful thing I hate.

But in a BDSM session I ask for heavy corporal punishment and expect to be pushed to my limit for accepting something that is inherently painful. I pay good money for it. I keep coming back. I ask the mistress to push me.  A caning hurts. The tawse across the palms is excruciating.

So by defninition I must be a masochist. Strangely enough I struggle with that.

Is It The Endorphin Rush?

There may well be an element of this in the experience.

But I believe saying it’s endorphins is a cop-out if I said it applied to me.

It’s an easy way to justify something, to make people reach some kind of understanding even thought it is probably not correct. It is the easy out.

The more I think about it, the less this suits me. I feel the pain, it gets in, it is difficult to accept. I don’t feel a high from it, I don’t get a massive erection or have some kind of frisson of delight with a particularly painful cane or strap or tawse stroke.

They all hurt. They hurt a lot. I don’t feel a pleasure from it.

I push my butt out for more, to invite more down. I ask for the tawse across the palms knowing how devastating it will be. I feel embarrassment when my face screws up after the tawse lashes down, then I life my hands up for more, dreading it, yet needing it, watching mistress as she puts the tawse up ready for the next stroke.

Then when it is delivered, I feel the pain, I want it to stop, yet I want more of it. I feel challenge as it is happening, relief when it stops, then dissappointment when it is over.

More than anything, I feel the challenge to accept the pain. I feel the need to feel the pain, to really be engrossed in it. I feel relief from the pain, the pain sending me elsewhere and almost out of body.

The pain in bondage while gagged, delivered by a dominatrix in the dungeon is so vastly different to any other kind of pain I have received. It just feels different.

The pain makes me feel, the pain sends me elsewhere and nowhere.

As I said to my wife, it is contextual – in the BDSM session it just works.

We are conditioned to shun pain

All our lives we know pain tells us something is going wrong. We’ve stubbed a toe, broken a bone, have some issue etc.

And that is good. Without pain telling us there is a problem we might die from simple things that should have been treated. We know that ignoring pain is very bad for all the same reasons.

Cutting To The Chase

I get pain in my BDSM sessions and it works for me. Simple. Take that in. It works for me.

Have I explained it properly? Do you understand? Does it make sense? Does it need to make sense?

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Prostate Exam and BDSM

Protstate Exam and Blazing Butts Don't Mix

I was scheduled for a prostate exam in a week’s time and it had been some weeks since my previous BDSM session so I was wanting one.

I really was. It was at the forefront of my thoughts.

I had been in therapy for a few months over something else. I was talking to the counselor about how much I wanted a session but I had the exam scheduled. She said “why don’t you go? I can’t see why not?”

I really loved the acceptance this gave.

This also spoke to her ignorance as to what I get in a session – and also my reluctance to spell it out in detail. I’d given her some broad brush stroke ideas but she didn’t think it was as full on. Clearly. Maybe she thought a prostate exam happened with the clothes on? I have no idea how it could happen this way.

I had to explain to her that having a prostate exam where the pants came down would expose the cane welts that usually last for at least a week and sometimes two. That would just be far too confronting to say the least.

She stopped to look surprised at that. I really doubt she’d thought it was as full on for me.

Naughty as it sounds, I did think about seeing her after a sesson and giving her a peek at the results. But that didn’t happen.

Sadly this therapist had her own demons, her own issues, and so we became incompatible. it was a pity.

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Long Journey Into BDSM and Kink

My Long Journey Into Kink

Growing up in a normal family, in a normal suburb with a middle of the road normal life I realized in my very early teens I liked belts far more than I thought others did.

This is my story of over half a century of self discovery, acceptance, then embracing that I am kinky.

As a test of my acceptance, I can now write, ‘Yes I am kinky. I have a leather fetish and have regular BDSM sessions with a dominatrix who puts me into bondage then gives me corporal punishment. I need it.’

It has taken more than a few decades to be able to write that.

The Early Years

With nothing published in media or print, zero exposure to it in an era when BDSM was taboo, I found I liked belts far too much. And leather. I enjoyed tying myself up with them and had my first orgasm when tied up. At my early age and in my ignorance, that was a difficult time.

I’d never heard the term bondage, but I found years later I had been practicing self-bondage.

Corporal punishment was not at the front of my mind, ‘it just was there’ deep inside me. Later I was to read about it, and it became more prominent.

As the years passed, self-bondage became my secret passion, something I did as often as able.

University, work, family life kept me from taking this further. I would just tie myself up occasionally and that would slake my needs as I then felt them.

That First Walk Of Seven Yards

At a traumatic point in my life I went into therapy where this aspect of my secret me came out. For the first time ever.

Imagine my surprise when these admissions were met with acceptance and the suggestion that they did not make me less than I am, would hurt no one else, and wonder that I had not done it before.

Against all my preconceived thoughts and inhibitions cemented into me by decades of denial I tried it. I had my first BDSM session. Walking in off the street to knock on the door was the most difficult thing I’d ever done.

Then the session itself was more than fabulous. It transformed and transported me.

In my first ever visit to a dungeon I felt I had come home, a feeling that I still get over 15 years later.

Evolving Within BDSM

In my early years I could never have discussed my BDSM desires, needs, fetish, kink. Call it whatever you like. It was a total secret.

Then after my first session I became more comfortable discussing it with a therapist (a huge step in itself).

After that I came out to my wife about my needs. We reached a concensus that it is part of me and that it helps me significantly. I have my sessions and she accepts they do not come between us, rather they help me love her all the more.

The BDSM has evolved also. Initially it was all about self-bondage and nothing more. I got my pleasure from that. Then in my first professional session I received corporal punishment only to find that it worked so well with bondage. It transported, it shifted my consciousness.

As the years passed, I found that the corporal punishment aspect became more dominant. I collected implements for corporal punishment, belts, straps and tawse and take great pleasure from their use on me.

Now I find I look for new experiences in the bondage and corporal punishment arena. I find myself looking for new implements. I spend time thinking about changes to my BDSM sesions that can enhance them.

Self Discovery and Acceptance

Acceptance was to become the most difficult thing in my life, and at many levels. To gain acceptance is to gain true freedom and release.

I had to accept this need in me, I had to accept it did not take away from other aspects of me. I would still be the loving husband, father, son that I had always been. I just had this something extra.

My upbringing made that difficult. BDSM was a taboo subject, something whispered about if at all so that anyone admitting to it was akin to admitting to being a pervert.

To this day I feel that, but it is far less.

Guilt Is the natural enemy of happiness. It makes acceptance impossible. Until I could get past feelings of shame and guilt, I could never be truly happy. I know that now. I know also that my guilt had no basis in fact.

Honesty is difficult. Self discovery works best with honesty. Trying to understand myself and being honest about my needs is difficult. This can make acceptance impossible when denial get in the way.

The Enduring Journey

Over more than fifteen years of having regular BDSM sessions and learning more and more about myself, I realize my journey will never end.

Part of me does not want it to end. I still find it exciting, fulfilling and oh so necessary. Sometimes I rail aganst these needs, but then when they are slaked, the reward is a kind of release and happiness I can get nowhere else.

I will forever feel its calling as it is part of me.

I recognize the mistake in saying I had ‘buried’ this need. To bury is to suggest something that could be singled out, isolated, treated as an entity. Rather, this need is within me, a slice of my psyche that I had been in denial of.

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Leather Cat Suit and Muscle Soreness

The Model, the Leather Cat Suit, The Prison Strap

I started with a new mistress (to me) because the previous and I had drifted apart. There was no real reason, I just felt I needed someone new. After 8 or nine sessions, this seems to happen to me.

I chose a mistress who was six feet tall in bare feet, and my goodness, she was absolutely stunning too. She said she’d been a model and also a fetish model so she was quite into the whole thing. And I could believe her. Her website was also rather good to look at.

Anyway, on our first session she expressed absolute awe at my gear and particularly loved the heavy Canadian Prison Strap I have.

This strap is a replica of what was used in Canadian prisons last century to punish hardened prisoners. It was designed to ‘really get into‘ the recipient and to punish them.

For those not familiar, the Canadian Priso Strap is about 3 feet long and made of absolutely heavy and strong leather so it is heavy.

She picked it up, caressed it and really wanted to put it to use. Picture that; there I am standing in the dungeon immersed in my kink with this gorgeous amazonian dominatrix – how could I refuse her?

We talked about my session and she asked if I’d ever had it cold, at the start of a session, a cold hard prison strapping. I said not, but it got stuck in my mind.

Anyway, the session proceeded as per normal. She gave me some very heavy corporal, wearing the belts like I wanted her to, using them, using the various tawse, belts and straps I have etc.

Then at the end she gave me a huge and hard dozen of the prison strap from each side. She kicked off her high heels so she could keep her balance better and put all her energy into it. She put the strap far behind her as she wound up then delivered. I remember being pushed forward with each stroke, and each one really hurting and sounding like a pistol shot.

When the session finished, after I packed up, she was beaming and rather pleased. She said it was a favorite session and was looking forward to more of the same.

Seriously, how could I resist?

Anyway, a few weeks later when I returned she said on the next day she’d had some muscle soreness from the session which annoyed her. So, she’d taken up some gym work and was feeling stronger and more ready. She was busting to get into it.

So I went for it, I asked for the cold prison strapping.

 I can promise that the prison strap wielded by a powerful (and gorgeous) woman without any warm up is hard to take, challenging, and damn rewarding. On a butt that hasn’t had anything to desensitize it, the very first stroke lifted me onto my toes and made me sway in suspension. Then each and every stroke thereafter was just the same, delivered hard and felt deeply.

I find that being gagged helps, it seems to make taking corporal easier. But, like wow, that prison strap works so well.

And one of the best things was the visual. The dominatrix standing with the heavy prson strap, running it through her hands, winding up then using it tweaks all the kink and fetish imaginable.

The Leather Catsuit

The only thing better was a prison strapping from a mistress in a leather catsuit, wearing my wide belts. Oh I do miss that.

On one of our last sessions before she moved overseas she said she had a leather catsuit made for her. It was absolutely spectacular and with my wide belts round her waist, and using my implements, she was everything a fetishist into corporal punishment could want.

Then it got better. Half way through the session she was feeling that the suit was not quite supple enough, so she peeled it down to her waist and wow, was it a good look. The black bra, the naked torso of the gorgeous woman giving me corporal was special, so very special.

Such is the kink.

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My Real Life BDSM session

Real Life BDSM Session - Nov 2020

This was to be my first BDSM session in 13 months making it a little more scary-exciting for me than usual.

My sessions feature bondage and heavy corporal punishment from a leather clad strict and stern dominatrix, a professional mistress, so they can be challenging to say the least. My need is to be pushed, extended, to make the experience send me out of body into a different place, to leave the real world behind.

After such a long time away I was worried how my tolerance to corporal punishment would be and also slightly worried about the whole thing. Was I going to regret it, finding it was not for me any more? Had the time away meant I’d drifted away from the BDSM needs I’d felt so strongly previously?

The short answer is that the session was a total success, Mistress was a delight making the whole dungeon-bondage-corporal experience exactly what I wanted. It was also what I needed, with the difference between wants and needs talking to my hidden secret inner self.

This Is MY Real Life BDSM Session

As per usual the pre session discussion I found difficult to expose what I’d been thinking about for the session but Mistress made it easy for me and said I was not alone in that. These kinds of interactions are huge for me, working at the acceptance level of my self-stigma for having this need.

Then when we enter the dungeon I have all the same feelings of excitement to be there, of expansion-relief and coming home. I feel like ‘I have arrived’ and now it’s happening at long last.

There is no ambiguity in the dungeon, it exists for one reason, the reason I am there. It offers a promise that I know will so soon be delivered and that feels so good.

The session itself proceeds extremely well with all the feelings of dread, excitement, surprise, out of body floating and cathartic relief. All my fetish and kink buttons are pushed and pushed hard with Mistress working the moment to full effect.

Mistress is empathetic, sensible, careful and fun, strict and stern yet engaging. Her sessions have a light hearted aspect yet at the same time can be heavy and severe making them a total success, all created and catering for me, my own private theater.

As is typical of just about all my sessions I experience the usual plurality of contradictory feelings. My leather fetish and feelings for belting and strapping compete with the need to endure the corporal punishment Mistress gives. I feel the disjoint between my inner desires, my deep fetishes competing with the effects of it and the logic of what is happening. I want it to be over, to have accepted it yet at the same time I want more. I need more. It calls to me.

The warm-up is a belting to my butt from a doubled over inch and a half wide belt, a perfect choice by Mistress which sets the pace for the session with her enthusiasm and skill. The belting is firmly delivered making my butt flare instantly in sting lifting me out of the here and now to start me on my journey of relief. As she wields the belt Mistress brings the whole area up into a deep warmth, suffused with sting, as the strokes power down. My increasing reaction shows the power of her strokes but soon the belting takes another form within me so I take the strokes better, accepting them better.

All through the session, the sound of the implements in use is a highlight. The crisp crack of the folded belt landing changes from belt to belt, from strap to strap. Then the deeper thuddy sound of the prison strap, the sshhwack of the tawse on a hand and the sshhwick of the cane all have their distinctive sounds. These echo in the dungeon and I have no doubt, echo down the corridor outside for others to hear.

Mistress makes it a complete experience, telling me I’m getting a belting as I watch her winding up and delivering, and this is part of my thing, being told by Mistress about the strapping, belting, caning and the tawsing I’m to receive.

Much later and many strokes from many implements later as the session draws near to the end, Mistress picks up my heavy prison strap that looks so challenging. I feel dread, ‘can I take that strap?’ goes round in my mind, but then the strokes from it slap down in a broad band of pain strangely less challenging than expected. But the visual of Mistress wielding the prison strap is all. She sees my ease of dealing with this strapping, so she takes the challenge then delivers more and harder. Mistress has her own prison strap I wish I had asked her for as well as mine, but my gag stops that request. It will be as Mistress wishes, just as it should.

Then the cane is painful, sharp and deeply impacting with each stroke cutting deep into my self. I push myself out to the punishment, inviting it down, inviting more, yet dreading it. I let it fill me, taking it in but not fighting it. That is key, to accept and not fight the cane, the strap, the belt and tawse.

The first carefully measured and increasing in severity cane strokes hurt, deeply. Then I get past that pain, I accept it. I take the caning into my being, leaving the pain behind. Mistress senses my acceptance of the cane, the slow measured strokes becoming harder as she watches my reaction reduce, as I push myself back to her, to the cane, to invite it down.

Nothing else exists except the dungeon, Mistress and the cane.

Then there is a delay as Mistress re-assesses. She knows I must be pushed, extended, challenged and that is her challenge.

Mistress delivers three quick hard strokes bringing a reaction from me. Those get in, overload me, make me react, taking me deeper. Then there is another delay as I come down to regain my senses. Mistress watches then gives a quick six, all delivered hard to produce the same effect. This builds and builds, extending, challenging, sending me deeper. The delay, the quick hard caning increasing the number of strokes, then the delay, then it repeats. The final caning of nearly two dozen hard quick cane strokes lift me onto my toes making my head go back and close my eyes as I’m engulfed in the experience. There is no me any more, I am sent, spent, engulfed.

Against my desires, I had found myself counting the strokes, something I shun, then I want to ask, ‘why stop at twenty three? Shouldn’t it be twenty four, a multiple of six of the best?’ Of course not, I know, it is as Mistress wishes.

The pain is not the pain. The pain in bondage, in the dungeon, from Mistress is just part of the experience, the transport, the route to another existence to another me. It is all things, it is nothing.

The tawse is flicked up onto my palm to lay for a second, then it’s withdrawn to be raised over a shoulder. I feel the dread as I look at Mistress in front of me, at the tawse she holds, as she readies herself for the stroke which I know will hurt. This is my XH tawse, the really painful one with the three stiff leather tails. Then it doesn’t come. Mistress just flicks the tawse back down again gently to lay there on the waiting palm, time and again. I tense. Mistress teases, gets her aim in, holds the tawse in readiness, the gentle slaps of the tawse almost a caress. Mistress is training me to wait, to accept whatever comes.

The visual of Mistress is engrossing, filling the head space. How can it not be? A gorgeous leather dominatrix stands with a tawse raised over a shapely bare shoulder poised to strike leaves nothing to the imagination other than ‘Will she or won’t she?’ Will she flick it down to lay benignly or will it crack down hard? Each time the temptation to move the hand must be overcome even though it is bound to the bench. Then, when Mistress chooses, the tawse cracks down devastating me, making my eyes close tightly, the pain engulfing then receding slowly to a hot deep ache. Then there is more. There is never one stroke, there should never be just one stroke.

Mistress makes the experience completely engrossing

And I want it all. There is no single feeling, no single desire, it is all I want. I want more. I can’t take more. I need more. It will be As Mistress Wishes and that is as it should be. I must endure.

Then as the session draws to a close I feel disappointed it is over, disappointed to be finishing and thinking I must wait till the next repeat. I really don’t want it to be over. My time with Mistress has been sublime.

I wish the session had been longer, that I’d been left in bondage for lock and leave time, with straps binding me tightly as I experience where the corporal has sent me. But it is not to be. Should this be a goal in a future session, or should it be the unrequited desire that calls from the distance, calling me, inviting me, bringing me hope for the future? Maybe some goals should always remain, always be there to draw me forward.

I feel regret that Mistress did not use that belt or strap again, that the caning should have been harder, that the prison strapping should have been more strokes and harder. I regret that the blindingly powerful tawse strokes to each palm were not repeated again and again.

But intellectually I know I’m wrong, I know the contradictions for what they are; fantasy versus reality versus wishful thinking. And I know Mistress took me to my limit and more would have been maybe too much, but I know I want more. All those thoughts swirl around as the session finishes.

Later at home the change in me, the relief I feel is evident. My wife asks me how I feel, wanting to know yet struggling with the whole thing, the strangeness of it to her. I tell her of the relief but precious little of the session itself. She asks about Mistress, to gain some idea of the person but she is lost in her non understanding. To her there is only being hit, being beaten, while to me that does not happen as for me it is a caning, belting, strapping and tawsing which are at the heart of me. Hitting and beating is not caning and strapping, the difference impossible for her to grasp.

To her there is only the pain, to me it is a small part yet a large part, a transport mechanism yet a destination in itself. I try to explain the contradictions but I fail. I think to myself, ‘Do I really know, do I really understand myself?’

The following day I sit feeling the presence of the session flare up, the tingle and the bruising evident. I look in the mirror then feel disappointment that the marks aren’t deeper, the welts more pronounced. I smile at the strangeness of that.

The day after that as I revise this, I still feel the sting in my butt and I still feel the relief from the session. I feel happier than I have in a long time.

Two weeks later I am wanting it even more as the whole experience calls me. Maybe I need to go into BDSM training again.

I know I will be back as I glance at the calendar to find my next session date. I ask myself how the session can be improved or changed. Should I ask for a cold caning and prison strapping to really challenge me? I say to myself that with so many sessions behind me, I should suggest some changes.

Yet the session was so good.

When can  I have another?

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Honeymoon BDSM Swap

Brand New Husband Swap

Sometimes a true story is just so odd it has to be true.

A Mistress told me she went on a honeymoon with her new husband overseas. He was into the whole BDSM thing and it sounded like a good match. Anyway, he chose the destination which she found out had a mistress he wanted to see. The mistress advertised and he got it into his head he wanted to see her.

Well, as a present to her husband, and she had a great sense of humour and appreciation of life, she swapped her husband for the Mistress’s own slave for a day.

Imagine that. On honeymoon, swapsies with another mistresses slave. Then a good hard corporal session.

She said they each gave the others’ partner a sound caning and that was all she mentioned. I don’t doubt there was other corporal and bondage happening. Sex? I have no idea but I doubt it.

Apparently it worked out well. She said her husband had cane makes on him for a week and that made swimming in bathers tricky.

It was all good fun. It puts a new perspective on a honeymoon.

It just occurred to me that a BDSM session does not have to have sex in it to work. It really is (or can be) a totally different head space to sex. for me, a heavy corporal session leaves little else in the mind.

A ‘vanilla’ example might be that I really like ice cream and I like a nice steak and wedges meal. I would never put icecream on steak.

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Off Billet Strap for Corporal

Off Billet Strap for Corporal Punishment

I visited a saddle and tack shop I’d seen a few times in passing. Not having a horse and being pretty clueless about the whole riding thing means I’m a bit nervous of being asked questions by attentive staff. But like gravity I’m pulled into these shops regularly.

The scent of leather, the saddles, the harness is a leather fetishists delight. Damn. If I had the spare money and the private space, a saddle or two would grace my humble hacienda quick smart. I foresee problems convincing my wife one would be necessary in the bedroom. Convincing her more than one would be better is probably asking a bit much. Oh well.

So on one visit and trying not to hyperventilate, just looking around I found something that I just had to purchase; an Off Billet Strap.

Off Billet Strap

For those not in the know, an Off Billet Strap is about two inches wide, eighteen inches long but doubled over (so a three foot strap folded in half). The one pictured above is very close to what mine is like.

And it is a beautiful piece of leather. Seriously!

A simple description doesn’t do it justice. It is a truly heavy piece of leather designed to securely hold a saddle onto a horse, so it is strong and as I mentioned, a rather nice strap. The leather itself is so heavy it almost invites being picked up and felt. And smelled. And run through the hands.

This strap and as a result of its proportions, is rather severe when used with any force on a bared butt, feeling somewhat similar to the Canadian Prison Strap.

Mistresses Favorite

One mistress, a tall ex-model took a rather strong fancy to this strap (and my Canadian Prison Strap), and she liked using it on me. A few sets of a dozen is rather grueling the way she used it.

Well after one session and in discussion about it, where I got it from, how much it was etc, I decided to get one for her. Of course the shop I went to had sold out so I had to take mine to a saddler and get a copy made.

Dueling Off Billet Straps

As soon as I’d given it to her, mistress was rather keen to try her new strap out. She really was rather keen on giving heavy corporal.

So during the session she did just that. She tried them both out giving me a dozen of each to see if I could detect any difference.

Of course I couldn’t, both lifted me onto my toes and made me gasp.

On a subsequent session I asked if she’d had a chance to use hers. She smiled as she said she had. ‘He squealed’ was the verdict as to how well it worked, and I believe her entirely.

This was the mistress who changed her gym routine for more upper body work so she could use my Canadian Prison strap harder.

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Strict and Stern – Bitch – Goddess

The Dominatrix Mistress

Easily forgotten is that the dominatrix, the mistress, is a real life person with all the variability that implies.

She will listen to what a client wants then she will try to provide it. She will have likes and hates, and have some empathy for the slave.

Here is my take on over 15 years having BDSM sessions with professional mistresses. Make of it what you will.

I feel rude categorizing people like this, so accept my apologies if you feel that also. I meanno offence. But this is my own feedback and suggestions – right, wrong or indifferent. It may help.

Some Broad Types Of Dominatrix

Overall, the true dominatrix is unattainable, on a pedestal, someone to be obeyed and revered.

She is mistress. She is to be obeyed.

The true professional dominatrix will seldom offer sex with herself but she may invite a service provider for that if you ask (politely).

That said, there are a few broad categories of dominatrix I have encountered.

The Bitch Goddess.

If you want a humiliation session, a session that extends and pushes, an “open ended” type of session, a judicial then she is perfect. She will give you a cold caning to make you shout then power into an extended corporal session.

She will be empathetic and use that to ensure you are well pushed, extended.

When you speak to them in the pre-session discussion, they are sharp, directed, to the point and with little else discussion other than finding out what you like and don’t like. Think of this dominatrix as a doctor who specializes in kink.

She defines unattainable and she demands respect and politeness.

I have seen a few like this and I’ve found them maybe a little intimidating but they are very good. One in particular gave me possibly the best pre-session discussion of all.

In the session they can be very strict and stern making the slave do exactly what they want, often with sharp commands.

After the session they can be a little remote, a little almost subdued now that your time with them is over.

The Princess.

This kind of dominatrix is reasonably rare in my experience.

This is the mistress who has drifted into BDSM and pretty much does it mostly to suit herself. She may not have much empathy for her client. She can be a little remote.

She may or may not give a good session, it all depends on your communication and how well it suits her.

Bonding with this mistress may work well if you can do it. The session will be mostly about herself and if you can engage with her and bring her into the session, it should help.

The Professional.

She does BDSM as a job. She is quite common in the industry. Often she may be a student, nurse, a mom wantring money. She may just need a job, she may have fallen into it and keeps on doing it. She probably doesn’t do much or any BDSM in  her private life. She will probably drop out of doing sesisons in a few years.

She’ll generally try hard to make the session work and have you return.

She should have good empathy as after all that is part of being professional and getting you back.

Engaging with this type of mistress should be fairly easy. Listen to her, find out what she likes and try to make your sessions work for her. Engage her with sensible and polite interaction before, during and after the session and it will work out well.

The Lifestyler.

This mistress is more common and I find them great.

She’s been into BDSM for years and shows an experience and aptitude for it. She likes it. Her role play in the session will be excellent and she’ll work to make the session a success.

She can be almost any kind of mistress in the session as she has lived it all. Her strict and stern, her playfulness, her fun in the session will usually all be there to choose from.

The Fun Professional.

My favorite and very similar to the lifestyler. She may be indistinguishable from the lifestyler but she may be a bit more enthusiastic, maybe a little more empathetic.

She is enthusiastic, she gets it, she is into it, she enjoyes interacting and making it work.

She got into BDSM for whatever reason and she likes a session that is a little more light hearted, she can interact with the slave a little more, she can get right into the session and enjoy it.

She participates. She may hate you saying “just do what you think” as she wants to make it fun and make it work. She might not be that great at guessing what you want.

Of all the mistresses, this one will smile more in a session. Her eyes will glint when a particular thing works well in the session.

In the pre-session discussion she will be animated and lively and suggest things that will most likely work well.

She can be strict and stern, she can be the bitch goddess, she can give heavy or light sessions but at heart she wants to enjoy them, and you too.

After the session she’ll be happy and wanting feedback to know how the next session will be better.

The Reluctant

I’ve had a few of these. These mistresses do it for the money only and it has become boring or tiring or demeaning. They don’t really identify or there may be something keeping her back, making it difficult.

Some mistresses have been abused, treated badly by either clients or in their personal life and that makes them understandably reluctant.  Some I have spoken to make it clear that the BDSM is something they do because it resonates with trauma in their life and they struggle with it.

Sometimes this kind of interaction happens when you ask a mistress for something she doesn’t like all that much, but she does it anyway. I’ve had that a few times when I’ve made booking mistakes.

The Escort Dominatrix.

I have zero experience with this kind, but I have seen their adverts on web sites. They offer some BDSM in addition to their escort service which may be whatever they describe. For them it is a secondary thing.

I suppose if you are wanting sex with some kink, then this may be ideal.

Interacting with Mistress

If you want a good session then communicating with mistress before the session is critical. No revelation there hopefully.

Remember mistress time is valuable so being clear and concise is best.

Before the session, being clear, using the precise words that describe what you are wanting is essential. Do not assume anything – and particularly if sex is wanted.

More than once I’ve written down a list of things I want to ask for. I don’t give it to the mistress, rather I use it to reinforce in my mind what I’m after.

For me, meeting the mistress is exciting and a little stressful. I can struggle to get things in order and it is easy to forget something or feel embarrassed about it.

During the session it all depends on the type of session. You may be gagged in which case communication is limited. You may have a humiliation session, maybe a fetish session, maybe a CBT or water sports. All are different.

I can only give my feedback with heavy corporal and bondage.

That said, a good mistress will be able to gauge how the session is going by your reaction to what she is doing. More than once I’ve been gagged and getting heavy corporal and my eyes give away how I’m feeling. I might rise up onto my toes, I might shake and quiver, I flinch, but a smile behind the gag, a glinting eye, pushing myself back and presenting myself are all great feedback.

If mistress asks a question then ‘yes mistress’ and ‘no mistress’ generally work well.

There are exceptions where it is up to mistress to decide.

A classic was my first session when mistress asked “have thos hands had enough strapping slave” to which I answered “yes mistress” as they were red and shaking. I was a bit surprised at what I’d had already. Her answer was as it should be, “wrong answer slave, it is as mistress wishes. HANDS UP” then she gave me another six of the very best.

Remember, it is as mistress wishes.

After the session, being open and honest about what worked and didn’t helps. If you are not going to see her again, then some simple thanks and a quick escape has worked for me.

For a mistress I want to see again we can discuss things for a while and she can learn from that.

What About In The Session?

A good mistress will be anyone and anything you want. It is up to you to communicate that (and to choose wisely).

A dominatrix at the end of the day provides a private theater for her client. She performs, she listens and interacts, she make the session work and consume the slave to slake his needs.

However there are limits.

Above all else, read the mistresses bio carefully.

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Self Esteem and BDSM

Self Image and BDSM

From an early age I had a fetish that stayed with me for life. Then over the years BDSM became something that was my secret passion – my silent quiver.

This had a significant effect on me. I found in my teens that I struggled to fit into my peer group. Sure, I was a bit nerdy, but deep down I feel I saw things differently and I know I had self confidence and self esteem issues. In my  20’s I struggled to meet people and relationships eluded me.

I am sure this was all based on my upbringing and the era I was born into.

What is fetish and how does it and BDSM affect our reality?

For me it shaped my life. Though it may have been semi-dormant for decades, it never left me.

Celestia Ascension

Beliefs and reality – the dreams we live.

There are definitions of fetish and kink easily available on the internet. I feel they fall short, they are more academic than real as experienced.

Here is my version – for what it is worth.

A kink is something that arouses that’s not the generally accepted sexual norm. A fetish is a sexual act or an object that can be arousing and may be necessary for a person to enjoy sex.

Self Image

For me with my upbringing, having my fetish, my kink, gave me a poor self image. I struggled to fit in and I felt different.

The end result of this was a lack of relationships, something I felt keenly, and also an inner tension that was seldom to leave me.

I know I also tried very hard to please people. i felt that if I didn’t try hard, people would not like me and I’d be even more isolated.

All of this was based on the believe that BDSM and the fetish I had were perverted, dirty, bad, not acceptable.

Now in the ‘2000s this has changed and for the better. Now it is far better accepted and almost become main stream.

My solution?

Counseling sessions with psych therapists helped me immensely.

For the first time I talked about what I felt, and what I wanted. I talked about my frustration and my deepest and most hidden inner secrets.

AND IT WAS ACCEPTED. I WAS ACCEPTED. This was the biggest revelation of my life. I was told that it does not make me lesser, does not make me bad, does not change the way I am. For me those words had a profound effect.

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Cold Prison Strapping and Caning

Cold Strapping And Caning -When Fantasy Exceeds Reality

This is something that calls again. I think in my next session…

A particularly athletic mistress did like to use my prison strap and she had a great collection of canes. I don’t know what got into me but at the end of a session as we were chatting before I left, I did suggest that I was up for trying a ‘cold prison strapping and caning’ and that delighted her.

For those not initiated, a cold caning happens without any other punishment before hand. No spanking, no belting, no strapping to warm up the skin. The cane is applied hard to a bare and fresh bottom. It is therefore quite severe.

And a cold prison strapping is just the same.

In reality, both simulate a judicial type punishment where the victim is given heavy punishment as soon as the session starts. There is no lead up, no getting used to it.

On my next session she remembered, she sure did. I’ll admit there was an element of excitement, here was I going to get a severe punishment straight away and that just hit the masochist nerve.

I was put into suspension, my arms lifted into the air by leather cuffs on my wrists clipped to a metal bar on the end of a cable. Then she gave me a dozen of the best of my prison strap. They were absolutely delivered hard. The prison strap is quite heavy, and as I type this I can remember each stroke pushing me forward with the power she put into it. Then she gave me a dozen of the best of the cane and even through the pain from the prison strapping, I felt those cane strokes.

It has been a while since my last session. This is sounding better and better.