Depression and BDSM

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Which Came First? The Depression or the BDSM

For me, my depression and BDSM were closely linked. Until I gained acceptance, the whole thing churned and festered within me. I knew I needed it, I felt I would be a bad person, depraved, perverted if I did it. There were so many negative feelings that kept me away form it – and they all fueled the depression.

My problem stemmed from my upbringing, in an age without information or acceptance abut BDSM. Also I am probably predisposed to depression.

Once I came to understand better, to accept my needs and then do something about it, my life got better. There were so many obstacles I had built up out of nothing I thought were insurmountable. Then I found with only a little effort – they were not.

Depression And Corporal Punishment

Search the internet and you’ll find articles on this. In Russia (from memory) a clinic offers corporal punishment based therapy for depression and some mental illnesses. I am sure this is not the only therapy – I presume traditional talk therapy, analysis and other vanilla therapies are also used. However, the anecdotes from the article do indicate it works.

My feeling on this is that we are all individuals. For some it may work brilliantly and be a life changing experience. For others it might be a dismal disaster and a horrible abuse.

My Own Experience

I commented that it is difficult to determine which came first; the BDSM or the depression. Did denying my need for BDSM trigger depression?

Again, we are all different. I think for me it was a factor. Other things were happening at the same time when I had my first corporal punishment and bondage session from a pro-dom mistress. It is not a really clear cut answer.

For me it was the life changing kind of experience. I felt like a new person, rebuilt, at peace for the first time in seemingly ages. I felt relieved, happy, lighter as if all the cares of the world were gone.

My wife asked me about it. I told her that it is impossible to be thinking of anything else when you are in bondage and getting heavy corporal. The whole body is involved, the pain wrenches the mind away from the real world outside and focuses it on the session. The session is an embodiment of a a deep fantasy and need. It all works together.

Maybe a key defining factor is that this is my kink. My need. I am slaking it and hence the corporal and bondage move deeper in me than it would in many others.

I do know it works for me.

Sometimes It Is Just Necessary To FEEL

I know in depression, I get numb, isolated from the world. I feel that life is black and white, without color and enjoyment. I feel dissociated from life.

Just accepting corporal in the dungeon makes me feel something. Of course it does! It wrenches me out of that shell of depression and shifts me bodily elsewhere. I am suddenly given a short sharp shock and a massive endorphin surge. I get that adrenaline rush. I am released.

I feel. I am part of the world again. I am a whole new person.