Dating and BDSM

So you meet a nice person – do you tell them about your BDSM?

Well, it is likely you can advise me on this. You’ve probably given it a lot of thought and now you are reading this to see what my experiences and thoughts are.

I think it all comes down to what is happening. Are you heading into a long term relationship? Is it casual?

One huge concern, are there shared friends such that if you do reveal your BDSM, how far does that information spread? After all, once said it can’t be un-said.

My feeling? I think you should reveal your BDSM only if privacy is assured and the person is more than a short term relationship thing. If you are going to see them only a few times, why bother? If the relationship looks like moving ahead then I think it is only fair.

My Own Experience

In a time of being single, I dated for a few years. Even for a casual relationship I told them up front and honestly what I’m into and why. I got 100% understanding and 100% acceptance. I was rather gratified and pleased.

For them the HUGE question was if I was a nice person who would treat them well and if we were compatible. Could I love and be loved? The BDSM side of me was sort of like maybe something slightly odd they could deal with.

My experience was that there are a lot of horrid people out there. Finding someone who was not going to abuse them, steal from them, was sensible and kind was something that the people I met valued highly. I heard some sad stories that made me question the humanity of some people at times.

One person tried to classify and psychoanalyze me based upon incomplete information. She was a nurse – we had to have a boundaries discussion and to assure her I was not some kind of psychopath. It was just something she got into her mind.