My BDSM Journey - About Me

I had a good childhood.

I am a warm loving human being. A person. I have feelings. I truly wish that everyone had my upbringing as perhaps there would be less unhappiness in the world. I was given the greatest gift of all, a loving family.

My family that was neither rich nor poor. Our life was good and free from many of the trauma that so often burden people for the remainder of their lives. We could have done with more money, a better house, more and better things but in reality, we were happy.

Looking back, we didn’t know we would want these things. It never occurred to us. There was a pleasure in a simple life that today I think we miss out on. Today we struggle and strive, yet in those long gone days growing up, life felt far easier.

In my early years and in my schooling I was neither gifted nor poor at school. I didn’t have to work too hard to get through. Perhaps I gravitated toward the upper-middle of school achievement. My predilection was toward science, mathematics and reading. A great passion all through my life has been a love of reading as it fed my imagination.

It is probable my imagination and introspective nature have led to me questioning my BDSM needs and how I fit into normal vanilla society as a result. I envy those with the ability to accept things far quicker than me. For them to say with the dismissive wave of a hand, ‘it just is and is no one elses right to criticise or judge‘ would be a valuable gift I really had to work for.

I grew into a pretty much typical adult

I attended university. After that I took up various positions in management in a few industries. I have often had people working for me, and often had a boss I was responsible to. My income was never poor, and nor was it ever great. I was at middle management more often than not.

Working with people has always been a pleasure. I like people, generally.

I find I gravitate toward the more thoughtful people and I find the company of women to often be more agreeable. The loud aggressive male or female is a beast I rarely enjoy the company of and I find to be a vexation to my spirit.

I have always believed that ‘Rudeness Must Be Earned’ and even then, ‘Rudeness Is Best Avoided’ has served me well. Another saying that I live my life by is ‘Never Willingly Make An Enemy’ as you never know when you need a friend.

I met a lovely women and we raised a family. Again we fit pretty much into the invisible middle-domain of human life. We were neither wealthy nor poor. Our children wanted for little and they have grown to be responsible, happy, healthy adults with good jobs and lovely partners. I place much of this on the shoulders of my wife as her influence has been the stronger of the two of us.

If I had any single thing I would be grateful before all else to have, it is this. My wife, my children, our family has been a blessing.

But Life Has Had Its Hurdles

Thus far you would believe I have led a charmed life. You would unfortunately be quite wrong. There is one little thing that has made life difficult, difficult for me to accept within myself.

At about age fourteen I discovered I liked to be tied up and in particular, the use of leather straps and belts had unique attraction. It still does.

What made me tie myself up? I have no idea. There was nothing I read, nothing I saw, no magazine or television or schoolyard whispered discussion that made me do it. I did it instinctively. This type of activity was never mentioned. I was not taught, coerced, or pushed by trauma into this. It was probably 10 years later in my late 20’s that I first heard the term bondage.

The only things I did know was that I enjoyed it and in fact I had my first orgasm while tied up. I remember this now, many decades later, as a frightening experience. I felt ashamed as I thought I’d wet myself but the pleasure it brought was confusing. It was also addictive.

As the years passed I would indulge in this illicit pass-time when I could. I found this need had an attraction just like gravity; it was always there, always pulling me, always asserting a force on me.

All through the remainder of my teens, at university and in my single years I would indulge regularly and it brought the inevitable release and not just at the simple physical level. The emotional release was significant. It was an experience that engrossed, pushed those secet hidden buttons leaving me feeling more at peace with myself and happier. I was later to find that I had stumbled upon a means to enter a state of mind often called sub-space.

This became a reason for me to stay single and to not have the requisite girlfriend-boyfriend experiences that many of my peers had. In effect I had a hidden pass-time that made relationships difficult. But not impossible. Those I did have were short and burned brightly in their intensity, then they faded out quickly to be replaced by my hidden secret passion. It had a life of its own, becoming a third person in my relationships.

Then I met my wife.