Where Did This All Begin

Brilliant question. Everything has a beginning and I presume an end. Both are difficult to deal with.

The beginning of my BDSM journey happened for me when I was about 14 years old. For some reason still unknown to me I tied myself up with leather luggage straps my parents kept in the hall closet. They were quite long, used to hold a suitcase together in case the lock broke.

There were four of them. I wrapped one around my ankles, another round my knees, then a third I used to bind my wrists in front of me. Using my teeth I could buckle it tightly enough so that I could not slip my hands out. It was there to stay till I did something to unbuckle it. Since I was quite supple at that age I could squirm and contort so I could get my feet then legs through my bound wrists so they were then behind me. in this position with the straps around me I was bound to stay.

The only way to get out of this was to get my legs back through my wrists so I could bring my wrists up in front of me and use my teeth to unbuckle the strap.

Because my wrists were behind me, I was laying on my front. In squirming on the bed, my front rubbed against the bed and the inevitable happened. I orgasmed. My penis had enough friction against the bed to make me climax.

I remember I had my clothes on, this first time, and I remember being ashamed that I’d wet myself. That it wasn’t urine was something I had no idea about. It was warm, wet, sticky and absolutely pleasurable, in amongst the shame and surprise. I didn’t know what an orgasm was and the intial tying myself up was not directed at that. It just sort of happened.

To this day I still have no idea why this happened. The straps didn’t just jump out of the closed and wrap themselves around me. I did that.

The only conclusion I can reach is that I knew deep down what I liked. I liked those leather straps. I liked the feel of them, the leather, the feel of the leather against my skin. Tying myself up must have been a logical progression.

Today with the wisdom of the internet, I feel the younger generation has so much more information at their fingertips. I had none of it. In my day ‘bondage’ was an unknown word. Not just not spoken, it was if the word did not exist where I lived.

I have been to kink parties. I commented to one younger person I spoke with that he was much more honest than I was. For me the stigma remains, the inability to deal with my needs and desires for kink. For him, sure he was reserved, but in an accepting group he was far better able to deal than I was.

Now the Fifty Shades thing has exposed the words and given them a legitemacy I thought i would never see. The whole spectacle of  BDSM has come out of the back room and been given some legitemacy.

The times are changing.